Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Penny Press Shuriken

A 5-Penny-Press, actually
  [vote for,

Have you found yourself outnumbered in a hostile ninja bar again with nothing but the change in your pockets to toss at your would-be opponents? Well make no haste on your way to the Penny Press Shuriken machine next to the condom and aspirin vending machine in the bathroom. For a fifty- cent fee (per shuriken), you can turn those spare pennies in your pocket into a hail of razor-edged sucker punches.

The shuriken penny press works like an advanced version of the machines seen at tourist traps all across the penny-using world. But instead of flattening a single penny and stamping "I visited tourist trap #671" on it, it requires a few more turns of the crank as it folds together and flattens five pennies multiple times into a single circular sheet. The final step stamps a star shape out of the sheet and drops it into the receptacle bin for you to grab. Dangling by a chain from the machine is a whetstone that you can use to sharpen your new weapon(s), if you have time.

Won't your adversaries be surprised that you went into the WC with (feigned) gastrointestinal discomfort, but came out flinging death.

swimswim, Sep 24 2011

Traditional Penny Press http://en.m.wikiped...wiki/Elongated_coin
[swimswim, Sep 24 2011]

Coins as Shuriken http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shuriken
(ninjas have always had spare change) [swimswim, Sep 24 2011]

a ninja bar Ninja_20drinking_20buddies
suggested product location: employee lounge [swimswim, Sep 27 2011]

Not a real ninja... http://www.bbc.co.u...gland-kent-13198766
//Because if you ever see a ninja, that's not a ninja// , nor if he has a Facebook or Twitter account. [theleopard, Sep 27 2011]


       Yeah, because nothing deters ninja attacks like 2.5 grams of sharpened copper...   

       [+] for the chuckle.
Alterother, Sep 24 2011

       \\gastrointestinal discomfort came out flinging death\\ Where did you hear that?! Have those idiots in Marketing been blabbing again? Our new line of weaponized intestinal flora doesn't roll out for another six weeks.
mouseposture, Sep 24 2011

       // Coins as Shuriken // (link)   

       A little bit of reading reveals that the coins most often modified into shuriken were Chinese Lo Han Chin or similar tokens, which were usually made of bronze, were considerably heavier than pennies (1-3 oz., typically) and often weren't even round, ranging in shape from square to octagonal.   

       I'm not a ninja, but I own and am quite proficient with swords. If you tossed a handful of penny shuriken directly into my face, it might slow me down and would definitely piss me off, but I'd still cut you in half before you were three steps from the men's room. I've never been to a ninja bar, but this would not be an effective weapon in a longhouse brawl.
Alterother, Sep 24 2011

       That's all very well for *you* to say, but what about people who don't wear glasses?
mouseposture, Sep 24 2011

       Good point, [21Q]. I'll be sure to add a warning sticker. "For best results, add to your assault with a weapon from the Penny Press Katana machine to your left."
swimswim, Sep 24 2011

       I don't wear glasses, but I figure the chances of a coin- tossing restroom ninja hitting both of my eyes in one throw are pretty damn low. Plus, if I've been fighting already and/or had enough mead to work up a proper berzerker rage then it won't matter if I can see.   

       Like I said, I got a laugh out of the idea, but as an impromptu weapon a sharpened penny wouldn't be much more useful than a normal penny. A distraction, at best, which is only useful if your plan involves something a bit nastier following the coins...   

       <a few seconds later> ...which is exactly what [swimswim] came up with while I was typing my long-winded bullshit.
Alterother, Sep 24 2011

       Cool, makes me remember making these in shop class.   

       I got to be the whacking dummy for a guy with a blackbelt in kendo once. He couldn't hit me anymore after a couple of weeks but I never did hit him unless I cheated... and that one time I said screw it, took one to the skull but ran the tip of mine from his collar bone to his other ear.   

good times good times

       This is a note from the manufacturer:
One penny = 2.5 grams;
5 pennies = 12.5 grams (approx. weight of the shuriken produced by this machine).

(Added subtitle to clarify)
swimswim, Sep 24 2011

       Oh, so it combines several pennies into a single shuriken? Well, at least that elevates it from nearly useless to a questionably effective single-use weapon that can easily be recovered by your foe and used against you. I'll stick with my longsword, thanks.
Alterother, Sep 25 2011

       If a Penny Press Shuriken vending machine was not immediately handy, I wonder if a resourceful non-ninja could make use of a nearby train track, subway or El to form a makeshift shuriken or two from a handful of coins. While it is difficult to see how this method of manufacture would provide any royalty benefit to the inventor, and it may be no more effective a deterrent than other posters have already noted, one might hope that a large enough stack of strategically placed pocket change might succeed in derailing an entire traincar and taking out the ninja opponent rather spectacularly.
jurist, Sep 25 2011

       //Have you found yourself outnumbered in a hostile ninja bar again// - but why would you even go into a hostile ninja bar?
hippo, Sep 25 2011

       //why would you even go into a hostile ninja bar?// for a bet?
po, Sep 25 2011

       PPS'es are not distributed at random, and one of the basic principles of our product location strategy is "not //nearby train track, subway or El//".   

       //but why would you even go into a hostile ninja bar?//
The most obvious answer is that you *wouldn't*, if the sign over the door read "Hostile Ninja Bar".

       //I'll stick with my knives and Lazy-Eye Dog//
Target audience: people with nothing but the change in their pockets.
swimswim, Sep 25 2011

       The idea should specify "very sporting and fair-minded hostile ninjas".
pertinax, Sep 25 2011

       Are you insinuating that ninjas have small bladders? (and thanks for the fishbone shuriken)
swimswim, Sep 25 2011

       <hastily relabels machine as Penny Press Caltrops and moves it to a Roman Army Bar>
Oh shucks yes, your intense logic-karate attack has laid bare a shameful weakness: the product design was based on the flawed assumption that ninjas are dull, oafish sluggards.
swimswim, Sep 25 2011

       The heavy hand of the primipilus on [swimswim]'s shoulder interrupts his exit from the Roman Army Bar. Apparently the praefectus fabrum would like a word, and so would several veteran dull, oafish sluggards out the back.
pertinax, Sep 26 2011

       Remind me never to get on [2 fries'] bad side.   

       The obvious solution to thwarting a pending ninja attack is to find a penny handkerchief dispenser, throw back some rum, and tell some dark tails of your last campaign against the Spanish merchant fleet.
RayfordSteele, Sep 26 2011

       The thing with ninja bars, is that nobody knows that they are ninja bars. As the general populace's heads nod and loll in drink-swaddled song, all about them, hidden amongst the shadows, ghost-like forms whip and flit in the darkness, going about their ninja ways. Sometimes the ninja barman will pour and distribute a series of drinks in the blink of an eye, no more than a flurry of black in someone's peripheral vision, before taking and making change for a ninja-tenner.   

       Because if you ever see a ninja, that's not a ninja.
zen_tom, Sep 26 2011

       There must be one ninja who's the ninjest.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2011

       Shirley you ninjest.
mouseposture, Sep 26 2011

       I never jest.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2011

       Stop it right now. This is nunning to chuckle about.
swimswim, Sep 27 2011

       Must have been something you ninjested.
pocmloc, Sep 27 2011

       Stop it, or I'll do myself a Ninjary.   

       "Warning: the products from this machine may not cause injury or death"
Ling, Sep 27 2011

       // Stop it, or I'll do myself a Ninjary. //
pertinax, Sep 27 2011


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