Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Parlons Auto

Ecoutez et repetez
  (+11, -2)(+11, -2)
(+11, -2)
  [vote for,

My car's satnav has a variety of language options. As a result, I am now fairly fluent in navigational French, Spanish, German, Italian and American. If I ever give a lift to Nick Sarkosy, we'll get along like two peas in a house on fire. I can tournez a gauche with the best of 'em.

I realized that this works well, because the foreign dialogue is pertinent to my immediate situation - it has context, which helps me to assimilate its meaning.

Sadly, my repertoire is fairly limited, and is not much use outside the driver's seat. This got me to thinking, and the result is now available at all good automobile outlets.

MaxCo. GmbH is proud to introduce the Allons Y! (tm). The Allons Y! (tm) system consists of forward and backward looking video cameras, an external microphone, a boot- (or "trunk-", if you must) mounted processor, and some software. Cables are also supplied to connect as many sensors as your car has (SatNav, brakes, accelerator, active suspension sensors, airbag sensors, automatic light and rain sensors, door-open sensors...) to the Allons Y! (tm).

Simply select the language of your choice, and.....allons y!

Your satnav will, of course, give you directions in your chosen language, but with a gradually increasing repertoire of phrases. "Ah - vous allez a Londres encore? Eh bien - tournez a gauche, mon ami." "Prenez la droite, et ne pas allez trop vite - c'est une tourne tres forte." "Vous avez arriveé a votre destination. Il est presque temps pour le dejeuner - il'y'a une petite bistro pres d'ici, vous savez?" and so forth.

Over time, the Allons Y!(tm) will start to discuss the merits and features of the places you're driving through, or give increasingly idiomatic and idiosyncratic instructions. "Boff! Anglais! J'ai dit tournez a *gauche* mais vous avez tournee a *droit*! Flute, mon ami, nous serons en retard maintenent."

BUT that's not all. The front and rear mounted cameras, coupled with basic image recognition software, allow the Allons Y! (tm) to recognize and comment on a range of basic features in real-time. In addition, the microphone and the connections to the car's own sensors allow it to comment on a wide repertoire of events during your drive.

In no time at all, you will master phrases such as "Et toi, essheule!!", "Vous roulez trop vite, mon ami, il plut, et la rue est tres inégal." and "Zut alors! Il'y'a deux giraffe au bord de la rue!"

Don't delay, achetez today! Allons y!

MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 29 2009


       [-] for encouraging anyone to speak french, a language created for perfidy, circumlocution, and deception.
8th of 7, Nov 29 2009

MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 29 2009

       what would tom say?
po, Nov 29 2009

       Probably rien.   

       Et merci pour le...le....bugger, what's French for croissant?
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 29 2009

       [+] because as you say, such a system of prosaic familiarity works.
pocmloc, Nov 29 2009

       <pulls up outside Royal Albert Hall>   

       "Vous avez arriveé a votre destination. "   

       "I wanted Waterloo, you stupid, useless machine !"   

       "Ah ... c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la gare..."
8th of 7, Nov 29 2009

       Interesting. What's French for croissant?
Jinbish, Nov 29 2009

       and if you hit a hump-back bridge too fast does it start speaking in Clingon?
xenzag, Nov 29 2009

       so it's just like having a Frenchman in the car, driving with you...
FlyingToaster, Nov 29 2009

       //like two peas in a house on fire// [marked-for-tagline]   

       //c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la gare// [marked-for- tagline]
mouseposture, Nov 30 2009

       No, Oscar Wilde said that first.
8th of 7, Nov 30 2009

       After hearing my Garmin mangle French place- and road-names on a recent sojourn (you see how we polyglots just slip with ease from one language to un autre?) in La Belle France, je vous present un crescent.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Nov 30 2009

       Je vous remercie mille-feuille.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 30 2009

       //like two peas in a house on fire// [marked-for-tagline] twice!!
xandram, Nov 30 2009

       And if your satnav takes you to the east end of London, "Le magasin de poisson-frite? C'est le throw d'une stone! Juste avant le frottez une dub"
hippo, Nov 30 2009

       not sure what [dub] will make of that!
po, Nov 30 2009

       //Vous roulez trop vite, mon ami, il plut, et la rue est tres inégal."//
ép: pleut.
Bonne idée mon brave!
gnomethang, Nov 30 2009

       Murky bouquet, mon ami.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 30 2009


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