h a l f b a k e r y
It might be better to just get another gerbil.
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Go downtown, pick up a bum on the street and hire him as your personal assistant (No money? Don't worry, he'll work for booze). Clean him up, give him a shave and instruct him to follow you wheverever you go and to make it his main goal to make an "ass" out of himself. This works in so many levels. First
off, your assistant already has acting (real, whatever) experience and since your the so-called social reject of your friends, you'll look like royalty around any one you meet.
Oh yah, and theres the inner-happiness you'll feel for helping the less fortunate. Yah, whatever..
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||There, but for the grace of Godzilla, go I.
||This was halfbaked by Mr. Burns on an episode of "The Simpsons," who hired Homer to act like an idiot around town.
||Disappointed - I was picturing this to be a girl with amplified buttocks that accompanied one around to meetings, distracting those one was negotiating business deals with.