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Pope Idol

Also available in Patriarch and Primate form.
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Pope John Paul II isn't going to last forever. His Polishness is on his last legs, and as said as it seems, will eventually die.

Traditionally, the Pope is chosen by the College of Cardinals, who must elect a Pope with a majority of two-thirds-plus-one. Everything is done in secret, and if the votes do not elect a new Pope, then the ballots are burned with a chemical that produces black smoke. If it does produce a new Pope, then the ballots are burned to produce white smoke.

As quaint as this may be, i feel that it is slightly behind the times to be communicating by smoke, when we can broadcast pictures and sound all across the world. Therfore, i propose that the next Pope be chosen by both the College of Cardinals, and the millions of Catholics worldwide, in a competition called Pope Idol.

The Cardinals shall sort out the Holy from the irreverent, and whittle down the number of possible Popes to an un-even 9, because i like that number.

Next, the potential Popes shall partake in showing off their skills in the confessional, sacraments, and biblical knowledge.

The Cardinals shall decide two that should be voted off by the Catholic Church that week, with ballots being available to all members in their Church buildings across the world.

Eventually, it will come to a head, where two are left, for the Catholic public to decide who they want as the next Pope.

The winner will then complete a world-wide Catholic Mass, and the people will have who they want as the leader of their Church.

tyskland, Nov 26 2002

http://www.newadvent.com http://www.newadvent.com
Time agrees with [tyskland]. [my face your, Oct 04 2004]

Vatican Conclave Anounce New Pontiff http://www.faff.com/pope-regen.gif
Pope Tom [calum, Apr 08 2005]

Vatican driving rules
[squeak, Oct 05 2007]

Whelk fishing rules in Massachusetts. https://www.mass.go...s/learn-about-whelk
Know your limits. [MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 28 2017]


       I'm afraid I'm going to have to vote you off the island. =/
Pharaoh Mobius, Nov 26 2002

       Pope Olympics?
phoenix, Nov 26 2002

       I don't remember Olympic gold ever being presented based on accumulated votes...
tyskland, Nov 26 2002

       Not only do you have quite a lot of your information wrong, the idea stinks as well. Apostolic authority determines binding and loosing power in this case (and others). Jesus gave this authority to a few, and the apostles warned about ordaining the unworthy. Pope by mob opinion is about a bad of an idea as everyone interpreting the Bible in the way they feel the most comfortable with.
tednugget, Nov 26 2002

       And yet, everyday, we interpret the bible the way we feel most comfortable with.   

       Are you saying that devout Catholics are unworthy of selecting the next Pope? Surely the most devoted are the most worthy.   

       Catholics believe that G-d chooses the next Pope throguh the Cardinals, so why can't G-d choose the next Pope through ordinary people? Was that not what Jesus' ministry was all about? Anyone can find their way to heaven, anyone, not just 'High Holy Men', so therefore, anyone should be able to elect the Pope, not just Cardinals.
tyskland, Nov 26 2002

       the pope has left us. a great man has passed.
jonthegeologist, Apr 02 2005

       Because as pope, you must not only lead the young, but the old as well, in matters that are more personal and spiritual than political. The proper person must have enough recognized capital in that regard.   

       tyskland, because according to the catholic faith, that would require God to change tactics and go against something He's already done and established, which would be rather ludicrous.   

       Jesus' ministry was to teach us all about spiritual maturity, holiness and point us to God. But we are not all at the same points along that path.   

       We all choose the President, and just look where that gets us.   

       No, I am not a catholic, btw.
RayfordSteele, Apr 03 2005

       this papacy lasted 27 years...   

       and the one before that about a month.
po, Apr 03 2005

       Can you beleive I was just about to suggest this. Here was my entry:   

       Pope idols   

       The next big thing in reality TV.   

       Contestants compete for prestigious title of pontiff. The viewing audience can vote on the contestants ability to wave, kiss the ground, shake hands etc. Serious issues like views on AIDS and wars will be discussed - and in the end, we are all left with the people's pope.   

       Because a Pope is in power for the rest of his life, this leaves little scope for a second season, which is why I suggest the next phase - Pimp my Pope.
Flux, Apr 08 2005

       You know what happens when the Pope dies? Another one popes up. Oh hang on, actually, he regenerated, like the Doctor. >link<
calum, Apr 08 2005

       when the last pope died (I forget when) there was a comedy series in the UK with Stephen Fry (I forget the name), where they suggested 'Pope Idol' as a newspaper headline.   

       [Flux] Pope My Ride would be better. They take your car and make it bulletproof.
marklar, Oct 03 2007

       Talking of the popemobile, he might be pretty dodgy on the AIDS and religious tolerance fronts but the new guidelines for the pastoral care of the road show that ol' Benedict knows his highway code.   

       Then again. I don't know if standing up in the back of a moving vehicle, not wearing a seat belt would be seen as responsible road usage by the traffic police.
squeak, Oct 05 2007


       low revs? pun intended?
squeak, Oct 05 2007

       In the decade since the last annotation, this idea has crept uneasily close to realization.   

       It's now obvious that - based on current TV trends - the next pontiff will be chosen through a three month series of elimination heats in which unlikely parings of C-list celebrities, politicians, business figures, random members of the public, and religious leaders compete by demonstrating their skills in cookery, gardening, ballroom dancing, jungle survival, singing, theological disputation and a quiz with a general knowledge round and a specialized subject round. A brightly-coloured water filled obstacle course with the usual complement of slippery slopes, tipping planks and opponents with long poles tipped with foam- padded spheres will sadly also make its inevitable appearance.   

       Quite how the resulting collapse of the developed world will end is unclear. Given that the population will have diminished by two or more orders of magnitude, due to suicides, apoplexy, and people throwing their TV receivers from tall buildings before moving to Pitcairn island to become whelk-farmers is hard to quantify, though the choice of that smug mop-headed grinning git Professor Brian Cox as the winner will be fixed from the start by that other smug grinning git Richard Branson.   

       But the end is nigh.
8th of 7, Nov 22 2017

       // moving to Pitcairn island to become whelk-farmers //   

       Resulting in a crash in whelk prices (due to the subsequent glut in production) followed by the Pitcairn islands slow & inevitable sinking below the waves due to all the additional weight .. all those rotting corpses pollute the sea, the fish die, the food chain collapses & everyone else starves.   

       Sounds good, where do I vote?
Skewed, Nov 28 2017

       Dial the premium -rate number on your TV screen, send a text - charged at your standard network rate plus the price of a semi- detached palace in central Tokyo - or post your vote along with a Power of Attorney letter to Richard Branson's World Of Whelks (PikABettaPope competition), PO Box 666, Pitcairn Island.
8th of 7, Nov 28 2017

       [tednugget] created his account, posted the fourth annotation on this idea, and then went up in a puff of white smoke.
normzone, Nov 28 2017

       No, he became a Jesuit, changed his name, had plastic surgery, undertook a full Special Forces training, and is now Adjutant of the Vatican's Assassination Bureau.
8th of 7, Nov 28 2017

       Regarding whelk fishing, you will be enlightened by knowing that Massuchussetts imposes a minimum size for commercially harvested whelks, and that recreational whelk collectors (for apparently there are such) are bound by a "possession limit" of 15 whelks. I shit you not <link>.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 28 2017

       Bizarrely, that snippet of information tells the reader far, far more about the psychology and behavior of the inhabitants of Massachusetts than it does about whelks. Any jurisdiction which is obliged to concern itself with the actions of whelk collectors, and where indeed recreational whelk collecting is seen as as socially acceptable activity, has far more important things to worry about than the conservation of tidal seafood; inbreeding and lack of genetic diversity in the human* population would be a better issue to address.   

       It also underlines the importance of avoiding Massachusettsat all costs, not surprising as it was originally colonized by a mixture of convicted criminals, refugees from Norfolk driven from their burrows after the Mollusc Riots of 1632, and most of the population of Lincolnshire who found the pace of life there just too fast and stressful; when the Reformation came, and books were printed in English, a rumor began in Lincoln that attempting to read would cause the victim's head to explode.   

       Of course, in these enlightened times, such a rumour is laughable ; detailed examination of the numerous fragments of cranium embedded in the walls of old buildings in the county prove without doubt that it 's completely true.   

       Not everyone's head exploded- in most cases,the brain matter was merely expelled through the ears at very high velocity, leaving the skull completely empty, allowing them to carry on entirely as normal (as long as they stayed in Lincolnshire ) and in some cases attain high political office.   

       *For a given value of "human", that is.
8th of 7, Nov 28 2017

       Thanks [MB], I never realised before how much whelk opercula resemble mussel shells.
nineteenthly, Nov 29 2017

       Still hard to believe that anywhere actually has a bag limit for whelks ... why, the long winter evenings must simply fly by.
8th of 7, Nov 29 2017

       Serious case of the giggles [+]
Voice, Nov 29 2017

       Wouldn't it be interesting if higher knowledge knew that the tasty whelks were a subtle key species in the food web and protected a higher, more economically rich, species. Then again, science doesn't know until it gets data.
wjt, Dec 01 2017

       //whelks were a subtle key species in the food web and protected a higher, more economically rich, species//   

       Nah, fuckit. They're great with a bit of vinegar.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 01 2017


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