Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
(Rolling in flour, halfbaking my ass off)

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"Hit your head until forgiven by God"
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(+2, -5)
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The sinner went to go to the confessional in the booth but was greeted by a sign which read: "Due to budget constraints and a lack of priests we have removed the confessional. Please step into this large booth instead". Upon entering the booth, the sinner found a machine that had a large mallet on its top, a small seat in front and a keyboard with a monitor facing the seat. Above the monitor it said: "Please type in the name or type of your sin". So the sinner typed in his sin, heard a computer voice yell "Hit your head until forgiven by God", hit his head 42 times and then heard a buzzer go off and the computer voice say "You are forgiven by God, please make a donation on your way out of the church". On his was out he dropped in what he thought was a dollar but was actually a hundred because he was too dazed from repeated bludgeonings.

Basically this "Penitence-o-meter" would be a computer hooked up to a mallet that was pressure sensistive and could detect how hard and how many hits one gave to one self. To determine the correct amount of head banging, the computer compares what sin the sinner typed to a list of sins on its hard drive that have corelated amounts of "OUCH!" to each. When that amount is reached, the buzzer would go off and the penitence would cease.

MrDaliLlama, Jul 28 2005


       I suppose this concept is not really new, only now it uses mallets instead. I think any potential churchgoers might be put off by the sounds of pain eminating from inside though.   

       And what about the sinners with previous head injuries?
pooduck, Jul 28 2005

       They're the only ones who'd join in the first place.
half, Jul 28 2005

       Heh. Whack'atone   

       sp: Penitence-o-meter
jurist, Jul 28 2005

       I guess we all (Halfbakers and non-bakers) have hot button issues. I laugh at this but then I feel sad that people refuse to accept the simplicity of Christianity (as Christ taught it, not the church) and over the millenia have made up lotsa rules like penitence and rituals for how to get to heaven.
dentworth, Jul 28 2005

       Thank you, spelling corrected [jurist]. I agree [dentworth] but as many religions have built up rules over the years, many now also have stripped down many rules to what "the simplicity of Christianity" used to be.
MrDaliLlama, Jul 28 2005

       Helga's House of Pain as a religious experience?
Voice, Jul 24 2011


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