Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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no follow-through.

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Quiet Pants® Fart dampening underwear

Noise cancelling underwear
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On the back of a seemingly regular pair of underwear a slim insert above the buttocks will once and for all end all "loud intruders" in your home!

You will never have to worry about going into the other room to fart with the new Quiet Pants®! A noise cancelling and odor absorbing fabric is used in the construction to dampen the farts and then a bluetooth microphone hooked up to the sensor detects the fart and either emits a noise cancelling wave (opposing sound wave) or masks it with a louder noise of your choice customizable from your phone on the quiet pants app.

Now the real elephant in the room is.... well they may not have heard... but have they smelled? Turn down the odor on your ass screams! We have thought of that too when the microphone detects a fart, an odor masking fragrance emitted from the device underneath the Quiet Pants® to try and cover your tracks.

Duck Lagrange, Dec 13 2014


       What about the expression of smug satisfaction on your face?
pocmloc, Dec 13 2014

       Alternatively, some nethergarments which are full of helium, or sulphur hydroxide, so raising the sound above the level of human hearing, or lowering it to the point you can pass it off as some whale music you're listening to..
not_morrison_rm, Dec 13 2014

       How about a fashion skirt that works like a kayak deck, so you can clip yourself into a window frame?
pocmloc, Dec 14 2014

       ^^//hydroxide// sp."hexafluoride", and it wouldn't work unless your colon started off full of the stuff.
FlyingToaster, Dec 14 2014

       Is that a big drawback?
pocmloc, Dec 14 2014

       My farts are damp enough thanks.
bob, Dec 18 2014

       ^^^ I was close..
not_morrison_rm, Dec 18 2014

       Better name: FartyPants®
sanman, Dec 23 2014


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