Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Running With The Bears

Anyone can run with the bulls
  [vote for,

Seriously, how hard can it be? So you have a ton or so of muscular flesh and horns stampeding down Stone Street, how hard can it be? Sure, occasionally you'll get gored a bit, or more likely twist your ankle, only to bore your friends to death for the rest of your life with tales of matadorian glory

Real men run with the bears. A nice, colorful selection of black, brown, grizzly, polar and for the philatelist, the occasional koala and panda (yes, red too) are assembled in horse-race type stalls at the mouth of a properly sized forest trail. A crowd of grizzled (or to be grizzled) competitors in their choice of bright colors or forest camouflage is assembled nearby. Now, with smells of garbage and outhouses putting the animals in an appropriate state of mind, the stalls are open and the run begins.

Naked and afraid, my ass. And remember, you don't have to run faster than the bear. You only have to run faster than your friend.

theircompetitor, Jul 10 2016

Oh deer... https://www.youtube...watch?v=aBBmdays-c4
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 10 2016]

Up next... https://www.faceboo...142/?type=2&theater
The Zorbing of the bulls. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 10 2016]


       // Real men run with ... the occasional koala //   

       Koalas are arboreal and spend 85% or more of their lives asleep, digesting eucalyptus leaves. They don't move that fast on the ground, and they're short-sighted, so tend to make frequent stops to peer around in a benign, puzzled way to find a tree to climb.   

       "Strolling with koalas" might be more appropriate. Best be prepared with a folding chair, and a packed lunch.   

       // selection of black, brown, grizzly, polar //   

       Polar bears will simply eat the nearest thing in their vicinity that is not another polar bear. Black, brown and grizzly bears are omvivrous and are as like as not going to amble off to raid the trash cans. Oh, and you missed out Kodiak, Specatacled, and Sun bears.   

       // philatelist //   

       Eh ?   

8th of 7, Jul 10 2016

       Tiptoe through the tulips. (barefooted with scorpions of course)
xenzag, Jul 10 2016

       //philatelist// was looking for a word that would signify someone who collects and wants a complete set. Something [8th_of_7] should understand :)
theircompetitor, Jul 10 2016

       And honeycomb boxer shorts for the truly manly. [+]
doctorremulac3, Jul 10 2016

       Yikes. [link]   

       I could bearly contain my excrement.   

       Thank you, (fries), for those links. Intense...
normzone, Jul 12 2016

       There should be a checkbox on the parade application for if you want bears or not.
FlyingToaster, Jul 12 2016

       "Smokey or non-Smokey ?"
8th of 7, Jul 12 2016

       Oh, I don't know. I'd put Jordan's speed up against Jay Cutler any day.
RayfordSteele, Jul 12 2016

       Will there also be antbears, forbears and bugbears?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 12 2016

       Sweet. ESPN will air, well, everything until the first "incident", when it will then become pay-per-view. Bun.
whatrock, Jul 13 2016

       Will the bears be armed ?
8th of 7, Jul 13 2016

       They will probably be armless, as their arms will have been ripped off by 2nd amendment supporters claiming them as their right. How exactly one rips the arms off of a bear I'm not certain, but that's why we don't mess with 2nd amendment supporters.
RayfordSteele, Jul 13 2016

theircompetitor, Jul 13 2016

       //How exactly one rips the arms off of a bear I'm not certain//   

       Shoot the bear with a gun first? Maybe that's why there's such an overlap between 2nd amendment support and the NRA.
bs0u0155, Jul 13 2016

       Put any bear in a police uniform and give it a gun. It'll probably just shoot all the black bears straight away, even if they're unarmed.... that'll be part of the problem solved ....
8th of 7, Jul 13 2016

       Not exactly sporting to be chased by a dead bear. An undead bear, now that might be interesting.
RayfordSteele, Jul 13 2016

       //Put any bear in a police uniform and give it a gun// That would be part of the amended constitution where it outlines The Right To Arm Bears.
xenzag, Jul 13 2016

       // An undead bear, now that might be interesting. //   

       Yes, because it could either be a zombie bear (cut off head/destroy brain) or a Werebear (Ursine equivalent of Werewolf, silver bullets), creating a dilemma about (a) what weaponry to use, and (b) how to explain the consequences of the use of said weapon(s) to the authorities.   

       What happens if a zombie bear bites a vampire ... ?
8th of 7, Jul 13 2016

       Then you simply go out during the daytime when vampires turn into stone or something.
RayfordSteele, Jul 13 2016

       ^ dust, unless it's a robot vampire.
FlyingToaster, Jul 14 2016


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