Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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SEAbread

low-cal, low-carb... pretty much the same as eating air.
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The idea is to use SEAgel - an aerogel made out of agar(a popular culinary staple) - as bread. Formed in a loaf shape, sliceable, probably toastable. Put stuff in between two slices, eat.

Calories, carbs, whatever: somewhere in the vicinity of 0.

Available in a variety of no-cal flavours.

Add an oleophilic agent, to sop up oils and fats in the stomach and digestive system, keeping them from being absorbed.

FlyingToaster, Oct 23 2014

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       I know that this will sell millions.
pocmloc, Oct 23 2014
  

       I'm not so sure.   

       If you want a synthetic calorie-free bread, I suspect a better starting point would be a foamed plastic, such as polyurethane. There is a lot of existing expertise in texturing such materials. The plastic, being inert, would simply pass through the digestive tract. Also, by maintaining much of its bulk in the stomach, it would give a feeling of fullness.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2014
  

       The feeling of fullness discourages immediate repeat purchases.
pocmloc, Oct 23 2014
  

       Its being made out of agar would discourage initial purchases.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2014
  

       Toastable: Really? Well I guess you might scorch the outside edges, but with the thermal conductivity of an aerogel, the inside will still be cold and it will probably cool almost immediately after removal from the taoster, so your butter won't melt onto it properly.   

       I would say that while it is known to be edible, I couldn't find anyone actually using it in cooking. It seems rather wasteful to simply try to use it as a bread replacement. It seems like it could be an interesting addition to gourmet dishes. I assume it might have an interestingly different texture while chewing. I saw some mention of aerogels being hydroscopic and acting as a desiccant, requiring gloves for prolonged handling to avoid drying the skin, but with reasonable quantities that might not be an issue with all the saliva. This could mean that it will have an extra sensory effect of feeling very dry while chewing.   

       I don't see how being made of agar is a problem, at least in some parts of the world where that is already commonly used in desserts.
scad mientist, Oct 23 2014
  

       No toast, no way. Thanks for clarifying that for me [scad mientist]
blissmiss, Oct 23 2014
  

       A taoster is some kind of trendy zen dude.
pocmloc, Oct 23 2014
  

       Taost's no good without buddha.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2014
  

       //Its being made out of agar would discourage initial purchases.   

       So, polyurethane is just yum-o, then.
the porpoise, Oct 23 2014
  

       //taoster// [marked-for-possible-personal tagline]   

       //toast// It should be just as brownable as the stuff without holes in, which, IMnsHO, is the important attribute.   

       //desiccant// (find and) use a waterproofing agent, preferably one that can allow butter to soak up. Non-toxic is on the list too.
FlyingToaster, Oct 23 2014
  

       Baked by mousse? And the Jackie Mason routine thereoff
theircompetitor, Oct 23 2014
  

       //So, polyurethane is just yum-o, then.//   

       It's actually not bad. Some time ago, being of a curious nature and having both time and builders' foam on my hands, I cut a thinnish slice of [cured] foam, buttered and jammed it, and ate it.   

       I wouldn't describe it as a taste sensation, and it does have a slightly odd mouth feel, but it was about as enjoyable as some of the high-fibre crispbreads.   

       Probably not taostable, though.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2014
  

       I want a taoster. Now.
blissmiss, Oct 23 2014
  

       //I want a taoster. Now.//   

       You can make one quite easily. Just take a regular toaster, and remove the plug from the electrical outlet. Pop a slice or two of bread in, and wait. You must not wait for the bread to taost - you must just wait, which is a very different undertaking.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2014
  

       No I want a person taoster. Someone to do the waiting for me. I'm too impatient.
blissmiss, Oct 23 2014
  

       Spiritual enlightenment by proxy … only in America …
8th of 7, Oct 26 2014
  

       Well, that's embarassing: seems I liked this idea so much I posted it again, less than 5 months later.   

       Addendum: make it oelophillic to sop up oil and fat in the stomach.
FlyingToaster, Mar 30 2015
  
      
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