Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Sin-free aperture

Opening in food packaging which absolves it of calorific content
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Some things absolve food of energy content, such as licking off a knife, eating when still raw or if a treat. This amalgamates them into one opening?

Package food with two possible openings, through one of which the contents of the receptacle can be accessed in its usual, energy-rich form, providing the body with calories or joules. The other synthesises the mental processes which mysteriously reduce food's energy density to be used by those trying to lose weight. A margarine carton has a normal lid plus a second, peel-off bit on the side through which one can scoop surprisingly calorie-free margarine, or a sugar bag opens at either end, one normally, the other if one would prefer energetic unavailability.

This might be achieved in a manner like alleged negative calories of celery. It takes as much energy to access the food through the sin-free aperture as gained from the food. To remove a single grain of sugar from the absolvatory opening, it takes one joule because a handle has to be cranked to open a tiny iris opening which will slam shut immediately after removal, a strong spring keeps the opening shut or the food must be dispensed into a small chamber before removal.

The packets will carry two sets of nutritional information, one conventional, the other, possibly negative, subtracting work needed to remove the food. It also records other nutrients they would require to redress the balance of consuming those empty calories, so for example a small negative mass of calcium or various B vitamins.

Can also be extended to adultery.

nineteenthly, Feb 12 2012

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       This is partially baked in the pet-food accessories market. There are many toy-like products that dispense the pet's food a little bit at a time when manipulated, forcing overweight pets to play in order to receive their carefully rationed meal. The best one we've found is called the Busy Buddy; it can survive being knocked around the room by a pit bull without breaking or popping open (as long as the play is supervised; if left to their own devices, pit bulls will happily put the lie to _any_ claim of indestructibility).   

       Now all we need is the same sort of toy, only altered to dispense yummy low-calorie snacks and marketed to the human weight-loss demographic.
Alterother, Feb 12 2012
  

       Can we not extend this yet further so that ladies can have two vaginas, giving them the opportunity to decide whether they want their child to be born into the world with or without original sin? Obv, we would need to consult with various bodies ecclesiastical but, so long as we give the mothers birthcanal choice, it shouldn't diminish membership or doctrine.
calum, Feb 12 2012
  

       It might, however, spawn a whole new genre of pornography.
8th of 7, Feb 12 2012
  

       Absolutely, [calum], maybe even one per denomination. Makes me wonder abiut C sections.
nineteenthly, Feb 13 2012
  

       [8th], to be honest, I was thinking more that this idea would be the beginning of the advent of practical, rather than theological, Pelagianism but yeah, porn too.   

       [nineteenthly], well, a c-section was enough to generate a technical exception in Macbeth. Perhaps it should instead be termed a "loophole delivery".
calum, Feb 13 2012
  

       That could be apter than it might seem, as i wonder if they could help with umbilical cord problems.
nineteenthly, Feb 13 2012
  

       Variations - a box of cookies intentionally manufactured to contain only crumbs (0 calories). Or a container of cream cheese specially designed so that the lion's share sticks to the lid when opened (of course, this portion can be scooped off and eaten with no dietary consequences whatsoever)
phundug, Feb 13 2012
  

       Meringues are well known to be a safe choice at the cake shop since they are “nothing but air”.
pocmloc, Feb 13 2012
  

       I wonder how breatharians go on a diet?
RayfordSteele, Feb 13 2012
  

       I thought a merengue was a type of dance. Dancing burns calories, so I guess that makes sense.
Alterother, Feb 13 2012
  

       //I wonder how breatharians go on a diet?// I'd like to see that, but I'm not holding my breath...   

       Merengue might be a type of dance. Meringue is a pie topping made primarily of egg whites and sugar. Never, ever, ever try to make meringue when it is damp out, only when the atmosphere is relatively dry.
Psalm_97, Feb 13 2012
  

       Isn't merengue a sort of pie topping made from egg whites? It seems like it might be dangerous to dance a meringue on it.
Alterother, Feb 13 2012
  

       Pavlova, which is based on meringue, is named after Anna Pavlova, a dancer. There. Mystery solved.   

       (The only dance I can think of that sounds a bit like meringue is the minuet.)
spidermother, Feb 13 2012
  

       Merengue is actually a Swiss martial art. It is not very effective, which is why they developed the knife.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 13 2012
  
      
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