Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"

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21 Quest

This is my home away from home. I've learned a lot here and experienced a lot of personal growth over nearly 20 years. Looking back at my older posts and comments, sometimes it feels like I'm reading another man's words. When I joined, I was a young Airman in the USAF, on my way out of the service. What followed was a tumultuous, chaotic life spent trying to find my place in the world. The HB has been my rock in a turbulent sea. I've changed careers countless times, had my daughter, started my own business and now I'm about to be married, and through it all, this wonderful place has been here. I hope it always is.

Taloncrewchief at G mail.com is still where I can be reached. If you've got something to say to me, say it. If you'd like to meet up somewhere to say it to my face, or just to have coffee or tea and have a chat, I'm in Spokane, WA. Come and find me.

My original account creation date was 01/12/2006.

[Jan 20 2015, last modified Nov 03 2025]

    
(+3) 12-oz Whisky Bottle
(+2, -1) 2-Stage Taser Probes
(+2) 3G Opt-Out Plans
(+1) A better way to downsize the military
(+15)(+15) A Cab of a Different Color
(+3) A Clockwork Buffet
(+1) A pair of garbage bins...
(+5) Actuating lock popper
(+4) Adaptive movie re-scorer
(+2) Add-on to Miranda rules
(+3) Adjustable Push-Up Bench
(+1) Adjustable win conditions for Solitaire
(+2, -1) ADS Crossing Enforcement
(+8)(+8) AI-enhanced messaging privacy
(+1) Air Freshener/Defreshener
(+1) Air Pong
 Airline friendly Bluetooth headphones
 Alarm Clock Swarm
(+7, -1) All the King's Men
 Alternate day/night speed limits
(+2) American Atheist
(+1) An iPod Built for Two
(+4) Anarchist Chess
(+10)(+10) ANC Car Stereo
(+1) Android & Apple Compatible Tushy Whipping App
 Antenna Ball Locator Beacon
(+5) Anti-freeze faucet dripper
 Anti-Immigration Propaganda for the Modern Politician
(+1) Anti-In-Law* Landmine Blanks
(+3) Anti-theft sunglasses
(+1) Anti-theft Thermos
(+4) Any Bakers in East Africa?
 Approaching Minute-Limit Notification
(+8)(+8) Area Denial System for Cats
 Artist-recommended EQ settings
(+5) Assault Towel
(+1) ATM Status Indicator
(+4) Augustus Gloop PlayPlace Child Evacuator
 Auto Bluetooth Connect
(+3) Auto-Brightening Tail-lights
 Auto-Fetch
 Auto-Rowing Cruise Liner
 AutoHeat
 Automan
 Automatic Mailing List Removal
(+2) Automatic Spare Bulbs
 B.B. Home Defense System
 Background Music Sync
 Backspace #2
 Bagtones
(+3) Ball Trimmer
 Ballistic Missile Vending Machine
(+3) Balloon fishing
 Ballscrew Lugbolts
 Baseline Sobriety Test
(+1) Bat in the Hat
 Belching Class
(+1) Belt Hooks
(+1) Bench Rower
(+4) Benevolent Liberator Glasses
 Better CarFax Commercials
(+5) Better Facebook friend request
(+6, -1) Better Streaming Ads
(+2) BioImperial Data Collection
(+3) Blower Basin
(+2) Bluetime
(+1) Bluetooth Anti-theft/Anti-Loss
 Bluetooth Bluetooth Firmware Updater
 Bluetooth Femtocell Simulator
 Bluetooth for Illness Prevention
(+1) Bluetooth for landlines
(+3) Bluetooth for landmines
 Bluetooth Phone Finder
 Bluetooth Protection
 Bluetooth speed limit signs
 Bottlecup
(+5) Bounce Tower
(+5) BrawnAbility (TM) minivan conversion
(+8)(+8) Breathing security camera
 Bumper Car Tunnels
(+8)(+8) Bungee Sled
(+3) Burrito Launcher
 Bus Stop SplashGuard
(+6, -3) Business Religion Disclosure Law
 BYOI Restaurant
(+1) C.D. Warmer
(+2) Cadence Shuffle
 Call Forwarding on Demand
 Call Waiting Messaging
 Caller ID Profiler
 Canon Canning
 Canon vs Sharia vs Secular debate
 Card Meters
 Cartoon Training for Jailers
 Casperizer (TM) Intruder Detection/Response Apparatus
 Cat Depilation Pack
 Cat Obedience-Inducing Collar/Harness
(+5) Catalytic De-Escalator
(+1) Catapoultry
 Caveman Sanctuary
 Cell-Fax
 Cell Phone Bike Charger
(+1) Cell Phone Jaw Charger
 Cell Phone Safety Line
(+10)(+10) Chain Tower
 Chaos Vote
 Charge-friendly smartwatch
 checkout timer
(+1) Child Spotlighter
(+2, -1) Child to adult transfusions
 ChopStyle
(+4, -3) Church of 4
 Church Tax
 Claims Accountability Fines
(+3) Clap Alarm
 Clap Trak
(+2) Class Gas
(+9)(+9) Clear toed shoes
(+5) Clip on chair tilts
 Clipboard Attachment for Tablets
(+3) Clock wallet
 Coffee-pot Overflow Failsafe
(+2) Coffee Whacker
(+7) Comic book train cars
 Compulsory Smartphone Features
 Conveniently Secure Smartphone Lock
 Conveyor belt door protector
(+4) Cooling Earbuds
 Cop Alert
 Courtesy App for Movie-Goers
(+4) Courtroom Fact Checkers
(+1) Cowering Keys
 Crack of Doom Incinerator
 Credentials-based tiered minimum wage
(+5) Credit Sharing Service
 Crimea River, Fair Ukraine
 Cruise Control Memory
(+7) Curated takeout subscription
(+6) Custom "mailbox is full" message
 Custom Parking Placards
 Custom Vibes
 Customizable Idea Sorting
(+4) CyberPub
 Cyclist's Neck Saver
 D.U. Traction Weights
 Darth Vader Pin
 Date Saver
(+2) De-Icing Traffic Lights
 Dead link auto-removal
 Deodor-Hat-Erizor
 Depth Star
 Det Net
 Det Thread
(+1) Detcordial
 Dirt Devil
 Dirtbike Vanguard Deployment
 Disability-Compatible Fire Alarm System
(+5) Disappearing price tag
 Disclaimer label for music
 Discreet Monitor Security System
 Discreet S.O.S. Buttons
 Dock Projector
 Dog Corrals
 Dog Scouts of America (or anywhere)
 Dolphin Self-Defense Classes
(+1) Domenga
 Domino's Blacklist
(+5, -1) "Don't Clock In Til the Shittin's Done!"
 Douse the Dogs of War
 Droid Bar
(+5) Drone pet waste collection
 Drunken Baking
 DST Alert
 Dual call output
 E-Flask
(+5, -3) Earbuds with cameras and AI
 Earbug alarm
 Electric brakes for roller skates
 electro-pole fishing
 Electromagnetic Sheath
 Elevated Bicycle Lane
 Elevator Safe Zone
(+1) Emergency Broadcast Acknowledgment Button
 emergency compressed air bottles/masks
(+9)(+9) Emergency Phone Range Extender 3
 Encyclopedia Cartridges
 English Referendum II
 Enhanced Dog Licensing
 Evil Joke Vending Machine
 Evil Toilet Paper Holder
(+5, -1) Executive fuel/power station
 Expandable Medicine Chest
 Explosive Power Lines
(+6, -1) Explosive Reactive Siding
(+1) Extendable smartphone belt clip
 FaceLock
 Facial recognition breath interlock
 Fake Blood Bomb
 Fake Guard Dog
(+2) Fake Guard Dog II
 Fall-Protection Collar
 Fare Skimmer
 Fashionable Paranoia-Compliant 'Bluetooth'
 Femme FurTail
 Fenris Wheel Train
 Ferret Clinger
 Field Goal Precision Scoring
 Fight junk food.... with toys
 Fight Pirates with Fish
 Fight poaching with superstition
(+1) Find-on-Paper app
 Finger-Pecker's Scribe Guide
(+1) Fingerlock Glove
(+5) Fission Chips
 Flag for Later Viewing
(+1) Flocking cat mines
(+1) Fluted Cleaning Wipers
 Fob Relays
(+3) Forced zipper merge
 Forgotten Card Return PIN
 Friendly, Intelligent Alarm Clock
(+3) Functional Rower
(+2) G-Blink
(+1) Galaxy Boom
(+1) Garbage Line
(+2) Garbage surcharge for unsolicited mail
(+1) Gargulant
 Geothermal Taproot?
(+1) Git 'er Done Barbershop
(+1) Give vehicles names
(+3) Glare-Be-Gone brake lights
 Glitch Mulligan
(+1) Golf Lundgren
(+1) Good Night Granny Service
 Google Glass 'Recording' indicator
(+7) Google Maps smell alert
 Google Shade Walk
(+4) Google Signal Drive
 Google Snow Drive
 Google Synonym Search
(+3) GPS WiFi plug-in for smartphones
(+1) Grapeball
(+9)(+9) Gravepipes
(+4, -1) Grocery store valet
 Ground Traffic Control Computers
 Guillotine Anti-Slide Spinners
 Guillotine Carjack Shield
 Gun control the NRA is guaranteed to foam at the mouth over
 Gurning Unlock
(+6) Gyroscopically stabilized trouser pockets
 Halfbakery Soundbytes
 Halfbook
(+1) Hand-Pump Vacuum Cooler
(+2) Hand Roomba
 Haptic 5
(+3) Haptic Feedback Pistol Grip
(+2) Haptic feedback window switch
(+3) Hawalabar
 HB Evernote Integration/Plugin
(+3) Heated door seals
(+4) Heated shaving scuttle
(+8)(+8) Heatsink ear warming hat
(+1) 'Hey you!' alert for headphones
(+1) Hi-Tech Safety Razors
(+3) Hidden Cockpit
 Hidden Dog Door
 Hill Traction for Front-Wheel Drive
(+1) Hinged Steel Toes
(+3) Home CyberPub
 Homer Lamp
 HoovWoofer
 How's My Cycling?
 Hula Range Booster
 Hyper-gas grenade
 Hyperbolic Funnel Fountain
 I have a furnace problem...
 Iceberger
 Icecube tray floodwall
 ID Chip Pet Feeder
 Idea/Annotation Timestamp
 iDeliver
 Identity-protection "Do Not Answer" list
(+5) Idiot-proof holster
 iGlasses
 iGuard
 iLitigate
 Ill-Kill Cubicle Manifold
(+9)(+9) Imminent Collision Strobes
 Incoming Boss Alert
 Induced Pirate Dreams
 Induction Cup Holders
 Insectenna
 Interactive Cook's Assistant
 Interlocking Trashcan Handles
 Internal Trunk (boot) Lock
 Invisible Leash
 iSnot
 Jack Bot!
 Jackbrella
 JamGuard
 Joke Clock
 Joke House (Evil)
(+1, -3) Joo Janta 300 Super-Audiomatic Peril Sensitive Earbuds
 JourneyWiki Wireless
 Jumpin' Jump Drives, Batman!
 Jungle Gym
(+1) Junk Drawer Degausser
(+1) Just saying thanks!
 Keeping up with the Smiths
 Keyless Entry for Bicycles
(+2) Kitty Ouch Bomb
 Knife-style pocket-clip for pens
 Landing Power
(+6) Laser Tag Hunting
 Laserboard WPM Pro
(+2, -1) Lasertag warfare for unpopulated engagement zones
 Lateral Rumble Strips
 Law & Order: SCU
(+6) Le Creuset smartphone case
 Learning radar detector
 'Legit Downloader' badge of honor
 Level Dice
 Lighter Leash (tm) breakage alert
(+1) "lights-off" buzzer
 Like a Sleeping Dragon...
 Liquid Clothes Patch
(+4, -1) Litter Berm
 Live Disco ROM Antenna
 Lockable SD Card
 Locking leash/collar
 Lollipop Hidden Message
 Loss Prevention Remote
 LOX for boost
 Mag Seat
 MagnaBall
(+12)(+12) Magnetic chrome car letters
(+3) Magnetic Connect Four
 Magnetic Golf
 Magnetic Hubcaps
 Magnifying Razor
 MagSafe compatible active-wear accessories
 MallRat.app
(+4) Mandatory Bailout Lanes for Drive-thru Restaurants
 Manly fake nails
 Marching Boots
 (Mark) Sanford and Sons
 [Marked-for-Deletion] bumper counter-stickers
(+2) Masterwork Pot of Mythical Enforcement
(+5) Membership car wash that follows the member
 Menu Guide Names
 Method for bypassing Android's Face Unlock
 MIAI Tower Defense
 Mic control for debate moderators
(+3) Mic Drop Feedback
 Microfiber-Bottom Shirt
 Microfiber Finger Cot
(+4, -1) Minimalist ear warmers
 Mirror Cells
 Mirror Defrosters
 MMORTS
 Mobile Bird Bath
 Mobile Fuel Stations
(+11, -5) Mock the Prophet Day
 Modernopoly
 More effective Google advertising
(+8)(+8) Morning Floorcast
 Morning Star Shot
 Morningsnow Mace
 Motion-Based Personal Sound Effects
 Motion-Sensor Light Switch Addition
(+1) Mountain Don't
 Moveable Doorbell
 Napping Glasses
 Nature Shower
(+2) Navigation with personalized ETA
(+3, -1) Necklace/chain warmer
 Necrophiliostitution
 Neighborhood Watch Lock Control
(+7) Networked Dash Cams
 Newton's Snowglobes
(+2, -1) NFC logo on tap-to-pay credit/debit cards
 NLAD-D Landmine
 No-Choke Collar
 No-Splash Fan
 Non-therapeutic platonic chat line
(-1) NOS grenade
 Notification LED simulation app
 Obesity Survivability Study
 OC Combat Light
 Oceanic Gardens
 Office Desk Saver
(+4) Office workout chair
 Oldschool Kids' Show
 Oldschool Screensavers
 Olfactory Rank Recognition
 on the wiings of eagles
(+1) OOBE Test
 Open Blind Alert
(+3) Open Saysa Me
 Overwire Astro Bra
 Oxford-style Interviewing standard
(+1) palin-drome
 Parallel Parking Poles
 Parental-control mouse/keyboard combo
 Parking Equalizer
 Parking Mat
 Parking Timestamp
 Partial Screensaver
 Path of the Warrior Chess
(+3) Pause When Sleeping 2
(+1) Pedant's Pendant of Punditry
(+2) Peeing in the Shower
 Pepper Sprinklers
 Per Car Pedestrian Limit
 Pest Hunter-bot
(+2) Petah Pit
 Pez Bar
 Pez Mines
 Pirate Welcome Mat
 Pivot Mower
 Plastic cereal boxes
 Plastic Ring Cutter
 Please wake me up...
 Plowcycle
 Political PT Rally
 Politician Float Test
 Pooth Sayer
 Portland Half-Con
 Portrait Sculpture Urn
(+9)(+9) Positive feedback grip trainers
 Post-It Carbon Copies
 Posted low-visibility speed limit
 Power Key
 Power Key/Proximity Sensor Call Handling
(+1) Powerglass
(+2) Practical Olympic Swimming
 Pre-pay your traffic tickets
 Pre-Sweat-stained T-shirts
(+7) Prefrigerator
 Prescription Autofocus Screen Magnifyer
(+4) Privacy filter lenses
 Private Welcome Mat
(+1) Productivity Machine
 Public Office Speech Disqualification Clause
(+5, -2) Punchable gym fridge
 Puppy Training App
 Pyramidal Rice Harness
(+3) Rangefinder-integrated laser sight
(+1) rapid scroll button
 Rapidly Deployable Firebreak
 Rapidly Inflatable Vomit Pouch
 Razor Fence
(+1) Readily-Distinguishable Police Siren
 Really big deadbolt
 Relief Junction
 Religious zeal* as a charge multiplier
 Remnant Remover
 Remote-Failsafe landmines
 Repo Decoy
(+5) Restroom Peep Deterrent
 Reverse Caller Tunes
 Reverse E-Brake for Manual Transmission
 Reverse-Escalator Entrances/Exits
 Reverse-grip Assisted-Opening Folding Knife
(+3, -2) Reverse reverse reverse Turing test
(+4, -1) RGB Rowing Machine
(+1) Rifled Urethra
 Right Wing Jerky
(+6) RIP Christopher Lee
(+14)(+14) RIP Professor Hawking
(+17)(+17) RIP Terry Pratchett
(+4) River Dance Treadmill Guide Projector
(+2) Road condition scanner
 Road Noise Volume Rating Limitations
(+5) Robotic arm turn signal
(+5) Robovac lost item finder
 Rogue Pistol Grips
 Roomba: the NightHammer mod
 Roomblower
 S.A.T.S
 Saddle-ite Rodeo
 Sadisticlator
 Safe* Japanese Nuke Power
 Safety Coffin
 Saline Sprinkler System
 Sand Wraith Ambush Defense
(+1) Sanitizing cash receptacles
(+2) Savings Deductions to Counter Inflation
(+1) Scams 101
(+1) ScanFax
 Scaregrine Falcon
 Scheduled Reboot for Cellphones
 Scorn Chips
 Sealed/Unsealed Indicator
 Seat Guardian 3000
(+1) Seattle Halfcon?
 Sectarian Thunder Dome
 "Select All Unread Non-Contact""
 Self-dehooking cargo ship rail
 Self-Diagnosing DVD Player
 Self-Rocking Garbage Bin
 Self-Rocking Vending Machine
(+8)(+8) Self-sealing tea ball
 Self-Sharpening Telescopic Knife
(+1) Self-Spinning Chair
(+1) Semi-Annual 'Promote the HB' Week
 Semi-Autonomous Radar Detection Range Extender
 Seven Layers of Sweat
 Shady Solar Sweat Solution
 Shake Charger
 Shield system
 Shock-Lock
(+9, -1)(+9, -1) Shockbell
(+1) Shoot-Off Clock
 Shopping Cart Pit Crew
 ShotPutt
 SHUT THE F*** UP alarm clock
(+3) Side-Scope mirror cam
 Sidewalk Snowblowing System
(+1) Silence of the Critters
 *#SIM
 Simple Cellphone Security
 SIPA (Stop Illegal Prostitution Act)
 Sizzle... and POP!
 Slashlight
 Sleeper-Saver
 Sleeping Contacts
 Sleeping Eye Dog
 Sleevecutter-Clearing Drill
(+1) Slugball
(+1) Smart Bullets
(+4) Smart Home Integrated Car
 SmartBox
 Smartphone-Assisted GPS
(+5) Smartphone duress lockdown
(+4) Smartphone music sync
(+4) Smartphone Panic PIN
 Smartphone Prepurchase Quiz
(+2) Smoke(r) Extinguisher
 Sno-Trac Sandblaster
 Snowmelt Crane
 Soap-activated Porno-Ware
 Soft Shell Bullet
 Soft-Top Bottle Cap
 Solar Cooling Hat
 Solar Hat Charger for Cell Phones
 Solar Peaks
 SOS Lights
(+2) Space Hoes: Coast to Coast
 Speechometer
 Speed Decoy
 Speed-'em-Up Toilets
 Speed-Indicating Tail Lights
(+1) Speed-safe door locks
 Speed Trap Reversal
 "speed up or I'll kill you!"
 Spellcheck Profiles
 Spill-Proof Coconut Lids
 Spring-Loaded Can Opener
 Square Bacon
(+5, -1) Square cup holders
(+2) Squat Rack Toilet
 Standing Luge
 Stealth Smuggling
 Steampunk Catling Gun
 Steel-Toed Sandals
 steelfinger
 Still going strong!
 StraitJammies
(+2) Straw-powered Screwdriver
 Streaming Data Usage Indicator
 Street-Smart Shopping Cart
 Stuck No More!
(+8)(+8) Subtitle Dimmer
(+6) Suitcase with skis
(+5) Sun tracking water bowl
 Surefire Anti-Mugging Hat
 SurroundedSound(TM) FPS Enhancer
(+1) Swammer
(+2) Swordfish Fighting
 Tail Wagger
(+1) Take the women out of 'women and children'
 tamper-tempered cozy
 Tank Top
(+1) Teal Classic Aviation-style Bluetooth Headset
(+6) Teapot with magnetic lid
 Teflon Turbo Trousers
(+8)(+8) Thanks again...
 The 14 Steps of Paranoia
 The 21 Megapixel Mirror
 The 30 minute bench
 The 5-finger Textist
 The Art of Batting
(+1) The Autoboner's Army!
 The Cheeky Chef
(+2) The Family That Spies Together...
 The Fracking Challenge
(+4, -3) The Just Ice League
 The Law of Bill Relevancy
 The Order of The AntiPhelpian Guard
 The Portal of Broken Vows
 The Rottweiler
 The Sensible Carafe
 The Spinning Tower of Pisa
 the wonderful history of cleats
 ThermaCouple
 Thermographic Hottie Lock-In
 Thermos PreWarmer Addition
(+4) Third party Taser cartridges
 "This is Not an iPad" shirt
(+1) Threaded Power Baton
 Threat Ball
 Tinfoil hats for suspected WiFi shredders
 Tire Position Indicators
(+11)(+11) To Russia With Love
 Tom Cruisin' Socks
 Toothpick Sharpener
(+5) Tow mirror minder
 Tower Fans for Liftoff
 Traffic cam turn signal enforcement
 Traffic Law Updater
 Train Crane
(+1) Transition Lens Predarkeners
 Trashbag Saver
 Trip-Avoidance Shoes
 Triple-action solar power
 triple-walled thermos
 Trojan Mi-Jack Box
(+3) Trojan Thermals
 Trudge Bunjers
 Tuff-Guy First Aid Kit
(+9)(+9) Tug of war machine
(+1) Tunable Power Steering
 Tunnel City
(+3, -2) TV Microdosing
(+1) Twin targeting laser
 Two Pots of Coffee
 Ultra-realistic airplane model
 Underbody Hijack-Trap
 Unexpected Adventure
 Upper-Level Cage Drains
 Urinal Dehydration Alert
 Urinal Flush Inducer
(+1, -2) USAID garnishment for immigration costs
(+8)(+8) USCF (United States Chair Force)
(+1) User News
 Utensil Dispenser
 Van De Graphite Generator
 Vehicle Electronic Counter Measures
 Vending ATM
(+1) Venus's Aquarium
(+6) Verified AF (TM) checkmark
 Vibrating Vigil
 Virtual Friend
 Visble Radar Detector
 Visual Cell Locator
(+6) Voice specific noise cancelling headphones
 Volume toggle plug-in
(+5, -1) VPN Assist Extension
 Warning flags
(+4, -1) Wax bullet Hunting
(+2) Web-Wide Logout
 Welfare Reform Compromise #21
(+4, -1) Well, this stinks
(+4) Where have I seen that actor?
(+2) Whimsical Wind-Wound Wonder
 Who was I kidding?
 Wi-Fi 'Average User Speed' Listing
 Wi-Fi network adaptor app
 Wi-Fi Page Reload
 Wi-Fi To-Do List
(+5) Wide turn pinch shield
 Wii Ball in a Cup
 WiiGMote
 "Will return soon" Reservation Meter
 Wiper Run-off Collector
 WireFi
 Work-Friendly Shower
(+1) Wrinkle-Release Hanger
 XXIV/VII Digital Alarm Clock
 Yellow-light Length Signs
 "You've got a good pace going, keep it up" light
(+2) "Your show's about to start" alert
 Yummy Yuckiness
(+3) Zombie Shoes
 

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