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Smarty Pants

For when you're stupid
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I did it again.

Standing there, in front of the toilet, fly down, frantically scrabbling for the opening in the front of my boxers, looking for all the world like a wild-eyed, crabs-tormented sex offender, I realised that it's better to prevent the phenomenon of backwards underwear than to treat the symptoms.

Presenting del Fisherio's "Clever Pants" Range. Pants with a small, thin, flexible metal strip in the front of the waistline, the early morning cool on your spine letting your muddy, sluggish head know that you'd better turn them 180 before you put on your trousers.

calum, Aug 16 2004

Drop Gusset Rotatopants http://www.halfbake...usset_20Rotatopants
wherein I did it the first time [calum, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

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       Am I the only one who finds myself mentally rehersing the case for the defence when getting naked in the lavs at work in order to correct such an error?   

       + for a very simple solution - not too sure if I want thin metal strips near the family jewels though!
dobtabulous, Aug 16 2004
  

       + for the entertainment.   

       Couldn't you just tippex the words 'FRONT' and 'BACK' on them in huge letters?
britboy, Aug 16 2004
  

       Simple solution: trap doors on both sides. On second thought, only gay men would buy these.
destructionism, Aug 16 2004
  

       Couldn't you just go 'commando’ and not wear skivvies at all? (+)
Ichthus, Aug 16 2004
  

       I am reminded of an incident whilst camping...   

       ...standing in front of a roaring fire in my 501 jeans, the metal buttons became extremely hot. I remember sitting for 0.00137 seconds before the extreme pain to my manly bits told me that I had better sit back up. On that day, I set a world's record for the standing high jump.   

       Don't know about having metals things around my manly bits, but [+] for the idea. I'm with [Ichtus] on this one though. I've been 'commando' since age 8 and never have a problem finding my front.
Klaatu, Aug 16 2004
  

       Reminds of the old early morning Tesco days. I've never really had a problem with finding my boxer shorts on backwards, because they're usually loose fitting, and I don't use the trap door anyway. But I can see how it could be a problem for a lot of people +
spiritualized, Aug 16 2004
  

       //Couldn't you just tippex the words 'FRONT' and 'BACK' on them in huge letters?//
Or if you're female, but them at C&A.
(Sorry.)
angel, Aug 16 2004
  

       Don't stand too close to the microwave oven either.
zigness, Aug 17 2004
  

       metal strips keep making me think - cleaver pants
po, Aug 17 2004
  

       Strangely, po, that's pretty much how they'd pronounce it in Edinburgh. But I've just realised that "Clever Pants" robs me of a much better title, so I've changed it.   

       I can't go commando. The Law Society of Scotland requires me to wear a Harris Tweed suit at all times. Without the protection of my silkysmooth b0x0rs, my nether regions would be grated raw.
calum, Aug 17 2004
  

       grated raw would give you a smarty bum.   

       pity the trousers on your smart suit doesn't come with a silk lining.   

       heh, silk!
po, Aug 17 2004
  

       Certainly you have the kilt option. Do they come in silk?
Worldgineer, Aug 17 2004
  

       Mmmmm...men in kilts. [calum], thanks for the laugh--I especially liked the "wild-eyed, crabs-tormented sex offender" part. It's only 10am and I've laughed to the point of pissing myself (almost) twice already.
Machiavelli, Aug 17 2004
  

       I may have mentioned it before but the philiosophy of free presbyterian conservatism prevalent within the legal profession in Scotland would lead my employers, colleagues and clients to view my wearing at work a kilt, silk or otherwise, as evidence of my being a "fucking nutbar".
calum, Aug 18 2004
  

       [calum], truly, you make me laugh. Between //nether regions grated raw// and //evidence of my being a "fucking nutbar"// my attempts to chortle quietly at my desk are beginning to be evidence of the same. I still have yet to google //bamstick//, but I am looking forward to my continuing education.   

       <off topic>Have you seen that we have used your name in vain while annotating "The Tourist Bopper"?<off topic>
Ichthus, Aug 18 2004
  

       Rather than search for "bamstick" you are much better off going for "bampot", or just "bam".   

       [calum]: You do realise that the next time I am in the pub with your good self I am going to be haunted by visions of you acting as a //crabs-tormented sex offender//.
...So that makes it you and [Scants] ;-)
Jinbish, Aug 18 2004
  

       [Ichthus], thank you. And yes, I had noticed but only recently, since my rantanno was posted directly before heading Highlandswards on my annual pilgrimage to Mother.   

       [Jinbish], they won't be visions. Trust me.
calum, Aug 18 2004
  
      
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