Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Spanck, The Gay Vulcan

24th Century Hero
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Spannick, a Vulcan Human hybrid, was adopted and raised by a pair of 24th century Cage aux Folles buffs in New San Francisco.

A closet gay-activist, in an era that's long past the perceived need for such, who legally changed his name to "Spanck" upon reaching age of majority, the honors-level Starfleet Academy graduate has sublimated the energy of his repressed human emotions into a persona that delivers drag-queen'esque lines, subject matter and body language in a totally deadpan manner, reflecting both biological and environmental heritages.

Only those closest to him know that Spanck is perfectly capable of going an entire day without dispensing fashion and interior design advice/criticism, or uttering "Fabulous" with a raised eyebrow. But even they are clueless as to his real sexual orientation; Vulcans only "come into heat" every 7 years and, while not reticent about vacations there, Spanck steadfastly neglects to identifiably mention the gender of Pon Farr partners, despite best efforts to elicit that information.

At last count Spannick holds the Federation record for Sentient Rights complaints - as defendant - brought mostly by the Klingons, who have been known to depart the scene, shortly after his arrival with his pink pet Tribble, rather hurriedly while chanting the traditional

" wej 'oH DoH lItHa' lItHa' !!! " (Get it off get it off get it off !!!)

Spanck's department has the highest efficiency rating in Starfleet; also the highest percentage of personnel in therapy.

He has never been asked to mind meld.


Onscreen, the character automatically draws attention to itself, regardless of scripted or storyline focus. Suggested introduction would be via the standard "day in the life of a starship" trope story, with a slightly understated Trek'ish adventure as cover.

Running gags include friends trying to discern sexual identity, standard gay stereotypical idiosyncracies but with a Vulcan flair, galaxy's most powerful "babe magnet", unnerving Klingons.

FlyingToaster, Aug 14 2013

Not quite what I had in mind... https://ca.movies.y...yond-140438281.html
[FlyingToaster, Jul 08 2016]


       I feel like this was an episode of Voyager. If not, it should have been.   

       //uttering "Fabulous" with a raised eyebrow//   

       This statement unquestionably merits at least four buns. I regret that I am only able to provide you with one.
ytk, Aug 14 2013

       Between the buns and the bones he'll still be satisfied.
Voice, Aug 14 2013


       Sacrilege ! Bring forth the Wicker Man ! Spare not even the Children, lest the Evil persist !
8th of 7, Aug 14 2013

       We are Borg. Evil is irrelevant. Your control implants must need maintenance. Report to your regeneration area.
RayfordSteele, Aug 14 2013


       I can understand the Borg's reticence to endorse this product or service: nobody wants their assimilation techniques critiqued, nor the Cube redecorated in soothing pastels, but where'd the other bone come from ? closet Romulan ?
FlyingToaster, Aug 17 2013

       How about Spork - the Vulcan who uses only a single implement to eat with?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 20 2013

       Bach, the musically inclined Vulcan.
Mach, the pilot.
Sach, the Vulcan who practices fisticuffs.
Laak, the security guard.
Raak, the other musical Vulcan.
Shaak, the Vulcan electrician.
Voice, Aug 21 2013

       Ye-e-s, what progressive science fiction television really needs is more tendentious gay stereotyping. [-]
BunsenHoneydew, Aug 13 2016

       //progressive science fiction television//   

       Is that a political party, or something ? Social movement, perhaps ?   

       I'm with George Takei on the "Sulu shouldn't be gay" bandwagon, not for any reasons of canon (the original series being strictly family-oriented, the entire cast could be written as gay and few would notice and none would care), just that the studio off-handedly tossed away half a century of his work... then claimed that they did it for him.   

       Won't stop me from watching Star Trek 90210, or whatever they're calling the new series; at least the first few episodes, anyways.
FlyingToaster, Aug 13 2016


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