Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Sponge Bath

The delicate caress of sponge, from all angles.
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This one co-authored by The Nurse, who doesn't bake herself, but should be credited anyway. If this bombs, it's not all my fault.

The Sponge Bath is comprised of two components:

- A large, hollow, half-egg-shaped container, much like a conventional bath, but without legs. The container is double-hulled. The inner hull has many holes, the outer hull has only one, which connects to the drains via a flexible hose with some slack in it.
- A sponge insert that fits snugly inside aforementioned egg-like container.

To operate the bath, climb in and use the shower to hydrate the sponge. Then simply lie in the bath and flail about, singing the happy bathtime song of your choice. The rounded shape and lack of legs will allow your movements to rock the bath, causing you to receive a thorough sponging at the obviously figurative hands of the sponge insert.
When bathtime is finished, the bather rinses under the shower, gets out of the bath and presses the large red button.

The large red button causes a special press to descend from above the bath. It sprays the sponge insert with fresh water and then compresses it against the bath, squeezing the water out of the sponge, through the holed inner bath hull, and down the drain via the pipe connected to the outer bath hull.

Each member of the family can have their own sponge, customisable to their particular taste. For example, mine is covered in skull and crossbone motifs, and impregnated with vague musky scent, whilst The Nurse favours a tasteful off-white sponge, with an infusion of "Mango Orgasm" or whatever this week's hot cleansing product might be.

DocBrown, Oct 12 2004


       I'm sure that could be arranged [BrauBeaton] - we'll just mount your bath on a large spring!
DocBrown, Oct 14 2004

       I fancy a matching pair so me and my beloved can play dodgems while rocking the baths around the bathroom to the sound of a calliope.
wagster, Oct 14 2004

       Done! (Calliope sold separately)
DocBrown, Oct 14 2004

       Mango Orgasm, their second album was a real let down.
etherman, Oct 15 2004


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