Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Squirrel Tubes

A Labyrinthine network
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(+8, -2)
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The park adjacent to my office is well stocked with squirrels that scamper and scurry about in the style of squirrels everywhere. I suggest building a network of squirrel sized tubes into buildings. These will be accessable to squirrels on the outside, they will allow them to move from trees on one side of the building to the other, and they will have nuts scattered about each morning to encourage use.

The tubes will be made of transparent plastic. Where the tubes run through offices there will be an outer collar tube. Both tubes are optically polarised in such a way that rotating the outer around the inner causes the system to be variously opaque and transparent. This allows you to only uncover the squirrels activities during lunch breaks or as a friday afternoon reward for hard working. (alternatively if there is a typing pool whith a lot of women (or men; equal opportunities and all)) that are scared of small furry creatures then you could use it as a stick rather than a carrot.

I'm sure that you could find a productivity consultant some where to atest to the idea that watching the busy lives of the average squirrel is an inspirational an worthwhile activity.

Zircon, Sep 19 2002

More fun with squirrels http://www.eecs.har...uirrel_fishing.html
(Someone else posted this before, but I think it is relevant to the conversation.) [DrCurry, Sep 19 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) Dachshund Tunnel http://www.dfwdachs...m/ed/earthdog.shtml
Picture this, only clear and over your head. [Worldgineer, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) Squirrel shooter http://www.thatwasr...deo/squierlpull.php
See a real squirrel shooter in action! [croissantz, Oct 04 2004]


       Squirrels = tree rats; messy, disease-carrying destructive vermin. Airgun time. Fishbone.
8th of 7, Sep 19 2002

       First animal I ever shot was a squirrel. Bullwinkle was pissed.
Off, that is.
thumbwax, Sep 19 2002

       Just for you [eighth] there could be a special room where the top half of the pipe is cut away and you can shoot at the bushy tailed rascal with a nerf gun.
Zircon, Sep 19 2002

       I don't know much about rats but I imagine they are less agile than squirrels. I was intending that the entrances to the tubes be significantly above the ground, maybe on the 2nd storey. Maybe this would help. Maybe you could train and arm squirrel guardians to interdict the ratty interlopers.
Zircon, Sep 19 2002

       Should be easy to come up with a scent that would be interesting to the rats, but repulsive to the squirrels. This aroma is found by the rodents at a junction, which would entice the vermin on the path to oblivion.
lurch, Sep 19 2002

       Let's reverse it, large tubes for all the cubicle dwellers to wander through from building to building while looking at the squirrels outside. Seems more appropriate.   

       8/7, is there anything you don't like to shoot? Other than pork pies?
rbl, Sep 19 2002

       The only problem with this is that squirrels are out-doors-y types - they will come into the tubes just far enough to make a nest or leave some nuts, then scamper off again, never make it as far as your office.   

       You need some tunnel-loving animals like moles or snakes. Or maybe cave-dwellers like bats. Or if you're into GM and/or mutants, giant ants.
DrCurry, Sep 19 2002

       // they will come into the tubes just far enough to make a nest or leave some nuts, then scamper off again //   

       Compressed air, triggered by beam-break sensors. Like those pneumatic cash-movers in supermarkets. "High velocity squirrel cannon" ..... Yeeee - haw !   

       I am now considering withdrawing my fishbone from this idea.   

       rbl: Hedgehogs.
8th of 7, Sep 19 2002

       The idea of lots of wild life being tempted into huge tunnel structures with intelligent doors has one drawback - i just know that somebody like 8th is going to make a button that shuts the door and fills the interior with some nasty poison gas. Especially when he's confronted with the dregs of the local cat population scampering around the tunnels chasing the copulating rats. And don't forget the pigeons. And the foxes.
sadie, Sep 19 2002

       // nasty poison gas // BING ! Tautology.   

       I'll be quite happy with just the compressed air, thanks.
8th of 7, Sep 19 2002

       My pop used to get rid of squirrels using some gas - as I recall, (it's been 30-35 years) some would be released into one a hole or two, then we'd go to another hole where we'd seen a squirrel nervously poke it's head up - release some, ignite *fwoom* lovely blue flames all around as we enjoyed dusk. State of California outlawed gas and method. That's when the shooting started...
thumbwax, Sep 19 2002

       Dang Beverly Hill Billies...
DrCurry, Sep 19 2002

       Somebody post 'high velocity squirrel cannon' as an idea, otherwise I will.
kaz, Sep 19 2002

       Sounds like there is already a squirrel in the building!
FritzT, Jun 08 2003

       NO No NO no NO! Of every animal I have had the bad karma of deciding it had the necessity of taking up residency with me squirrels are the absolute worst.
They are horribly messy inside of Human residences (deficating everywhere) I had one find it's way in through a soffit and make its way into the ac ducts.
They are too damn smart to be aided by human kindness. They are just fine on thier own dodging car tires and cats. Let's see recipies, for those who don't understand.
Airgun time? Have you ever tried to get a clean shot off at a nasty stinkin' squirrel in a heavily populated metro area? - Impossible.
Zimmy, Jun 09 2003

       Could put some wheels in there to help run the building's electricity. In some national parks in England, they've put rope "bridges" across the roads for the squirrels to cross on, to avoid turning themselves into hairy pavement pizzas. They could have avoided building roads thru national parks to begin with, though...
git, Jun 09 2003

       //You need some tunnel-loving animals like moles or snakes. // Miniature dachshunds - I would like dachshund tubes through my building. Wiener dogs are so darn cute.
Worldgineer, Jun 09 2003

elsifer, Jun 09 2003

       Sorry, sounds awfully like the London tube - only smaller.
waistcoat, Jun 09 2003

       //rope "bridges" across the roads for the squirrels to cross on//
It's fascinating to watch them cross telephone wires, especially when you're throwing rocks at them.
thumbwax, Jun 09 2003

       Cute AND stress-relieving. For the cube-dwellers if not the squirrels (or dachshunds). [git] Liked the term pavement pizza, even if I did almost lose my (pizza) "lunch"/dinner.
thecat, Jun 09 2003

       I just realized that there is no reason this has to be just for looks. I'm picturing a dachshund courier service. As a dachshund runs by in the tube, open a door and grab it. Hand it the item you would like delivered, pat it's cute furry head, and send it on it's way.
Worldgineer, Nov 06 2003

       I love this idea. If the tubes are sealed then the squirrels can't really mess up the office can they? I like watching them run about and do their squirrelly thang and I'm sure it would indeed inspire me to the heady heights of super-productivity. Why does it seem so acceptable to you all for annotators to boast about their cruelty toward their fellow creatures? Shame on you! I want a squirrel tube in my office right now!
dobtabulous, Nov 07 2003

       Good idea but WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? Squirrels are the spawn of evil. Not content of acting so cute they make you want to forgive Barney the Dinosaur, they also are currently plotting with the beavers and ocelots to start a hostile takeover of many businesses. Using their new mind-control capabilities, they have implemented this idea of plastic pipes on the side of office blocks to facilitate their infiltration of commerce. Rumour has it that Apple is already changing its name to Nut and that IBM will soon mean International Beaver Management. Once the squirrels complete their domination of world economy, the almond nut will become the lowest form of currency whilst most transactions will be carried out by rodents who will smother you with large furry tails if you are late on your mortgages. For years, authors have tried to warn you of this phenomenon but do you listen to them? NO! No-one watches Blackadder, reads the Chocolate Factory or plays Magic: The Gathering. If you did, you would soon come round to the view that....what was that? A tapping at the window? What's this hazelnut doing in my lap? WHAT THE....? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. b-e-w-a-r-e the s-q-u-i-r-r-e-l-ssssssssssssdfgaery
Mistress Bling, Nov 07 2003

       I told you to go with miniature dachshunds.
Worldgineer, Nov 07 2003

       //International Beaver Management//   

       I can't work out why but I think I'd like to work for them.
dobtabulous, Nov 10 2003

       It's like a glass ant farm I saw at a bug zoo that had little 'rooms' and tunnels attached to the wall. But with squirrels, I think the tubes will have to be big. Also, you may have to genetically engineer a hazelnut tree small enough to fit in a 20 gallon (max) cage. Nah, too much work. Just watch my link's video. It's less work, and more fun.
croissantz, Aug 22 2004

       If the Squirrel tubes were a snug fit, and made of appropriate material, then the static charge generated by the friction of the squirrels moving against the tube sides could be used to power the building. Function as well as form!
bangers, Aug 24 2004


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