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Stationary Water Skiing

Stationary life and death waterskiing
  (+7, -4)
(+7, -4)
  [vote for,

We're coming up on spring, at least in the top hemisphere. This means flooding, and before you get the impression there's not up side to this, consider stationary waterskiing. All you do is tie a rope to a bridge, strap on the waterski's and jump in. The life & death part comes from the height of the drop, the speed of the water as well as the obstructions coming at you. You will have to slalom around floating trees, houses and FEMA directors. (Plus, you only get ONE chance before the swift water rescue guys are called in.)

In the off season, I suppose you COULD practice on those stationary surfing contraption, but there will be depressingly few FEMA directors coming at you.

DevoutOccamist, Feb 14 2008

Monster boarding Monster_20Boarding
I think you'll like this... [theleopard, Feb 14 2008]

Surfing on a tidal bore http://thelongwave..../boreriderscom.html
[angel, Feb 14 2008]


       Won't the stationary become waterlogged?   

       I almost like this. It reminds me of my dream apocalypse death. An enormous tsunami from an "Extinction Level Event" asteroid collision hurtles its way towards a big coastal city, in which I stand on the roof of the tallest building, surf board under my arm, goggles over my eyes and an inconsequentialist smile on my face.   

       Then I jump to my gruesome (albeit exciting) doom just as the wave smashes into the building ripping it up from the roots. The idea is to survive, but not necessarily try too hard.   

       See [linky] for possible off-season implementation.
theleopard, Feb 14 2008

       Skiing on fast-flowing rivers is baked.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 14 2008

       [Absinthe] can you give a link?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 14 2008

       [MB]'fraid not - personal experience.
It was about thirty years ago in Bern, Switzerland in the middle of summer, IIRC just up the road from the bear pit.
There is a bend in the river, and a bloke was water-skiing, with his tow-rope tied to a tree.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 14 2008

       Ah. Well, baked, then, but not widely?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 14 2008

       It’s an excellent idea and lots of fun too. I do recommend a life preserver and helmet. I have never tried using a river and bridge to do this but I have heard stories. Local rivers, when they are running that fast, usually have cars, bridges, and police officers (who were trying to keep stupid people off the bridges) floating down them. As with all water sports; a good sense of hydrodynamics could save your life.   

       I used to play on the semi-safe side of the automatic gates in our local cannels. The pressure on the high side (about 9 feet or 3 meters deep and dangerous) was so great that when it flowed from the two inch (5.1 cm) slit made by the gate lifting up from the bottom, the water rushed out like a smooth plate of glass.   

       It stayed like glass for about 6 feet (2 meters), then turned into a roaring tumbling flood of water about 3 feet (1 meter) high/deep. I said semi dangerous before because if you went into the tumbling flood, you had no ability see, swim, or otherwise control your orientation. You had to hold your breath until you could upright yourself about 30 yards (30 meters) later… if you were lucky. This only took seconds because of the speed of the water but if you didn’t upright fast, it was a long walk back to the gate.   

       We would put inflatable rafts on the 2 inch jet of water. The jet would push the raft toward the 3 foot tumbling flood but the ‘surf’ of the then 3 feet of water would push it back toward the gate. The rushing water was like rock. You could jump from the top of the cannel wall into the two inch section of water and never hit bottom.   

       With care, you could climb down the gate and onto the raft, held in place by the surf. Once two rafts containing fools, I mean kids, were in place on the rafts skimming the 2 inches of rushing water, the game was ‘on’. We would start hitting each other’s raft until one dug into the jet of water. This was actually hard to do. As I said, the water jet was like rock. The loser discovered he lost when in the blink of an eye, life has he knew it, was traded in for a serious underwater tumble and a long walk back to the gate. We got lots of scratches and bruises but it was excellent fun.   

       The gate fences were finally bob-wired when some kid fell into the calmer looking high side. They almost caught him before the underwater current grabbed him and sent him through the two inch slit. Yuck.   

       My bother in law got a ticket for water skiing in the canal but he was being towed by a car so that isn’t really stationary and doesn’t count.   

       Boar surfing looks like fun too and is in a sense stationary. I have watched them do it in Alaska but since the boar there runs for miles, a fall into the surf may hold you there for miles. Sometimes they never found the bodies.   

       You can find lots of funny YouTube videos of people implementing this idea in various forms but few are stationary. Still I’ll break the tie and give you a (+).
CwP, Feb 15 2008

       //Boar surfing looks like fun too //
But don't let the RSPCA see you doing it.
coprocephalous, Feb 15 2008

       If the rope was attached to a high speed winch that was controlled by the skiier, foward and backward motion relative to the water would be possible.
Giblet, Feb 16 2008


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