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Steam Locomotive Buttocks

It's only right ...
  [vote for,

Those familiar with the Thomas The Tank Engine books written by the Rev. W Awdry will be familiar with the fact that in said books, the locomotives are depicted as having faces.

In the animated TV series, the theme is continued.

Some steam railway preservation societies pay large sums for the right to affix a Thomas The Tank Engine "face" to the smokebox cover of their locomotives, thus increasing the attraction of their events to young children.

However, this process has a curious omission, which needs to be corrected; there is no corresponding anatomical feature on the rear of the locomotive.

Since the locomotive has a face at the front, it is only right that there should be a corresponding arse at the back. It should therefore be a contractual obligation to users of the "Thomas The Tank Engine" brand that when a "face" is affixed to a locomotive, a suitably proportioned and anatomically correct model of a set of human buttocks must be affixed to the tender or coal bunker, thus ensuring that the Universe remains in balance.

8th of 7, Jan 16 2018

Wilbert Awdry https://en.wikipedi.../wiki/Wilbert_Awdry
"creator of Thomas the Tank Engine" [8th of 7, Jan 16 2018]

Balls of steel. http://3.bp.blogspo...c3c/s1600/nutz1.jpg
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 16 2018]


       So the buttocks would go on the little tender behind?   

       I'm not sure the Rev would have approved.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 16 2018

       Double headers would be a source of mirth. +
DenholmRicshaw, Jan 16 2018

       Caboose happens to be slang for buttocks as well so, [+]   

       Additionally, when the train was traveling in reverse, as trains often to, it would be even funnier. I don't know why, it just would be.   

       The cartoon show Futurama had an interesting idea somewhat along these lines when it showed a smiley faced anthropomorphic planet flip around to show a "planet butt". My kind of humor.
doctorremulac3, Jan 16 2018

       Attach a few connecting rods to the wheel linkages, and it should be possible to get them to wobble, too.
Wrongfellow, Jan 16 2018

       Re-route the exhaust to enhance the effect.
doctorremulac3, Jan 16 2018

       // My kind of humor. //   

       The sort of crude anatomical humour in poor taste that young children find hilarious ?   

       Yup, figures...   

       <peers at top of idea, examines pastry count>   

       "Oooh look, buns ! "   

       That should keep [doc] chuckling for a few more hours ...
8th of 7, Jan 16 2018

       Sorry, didn't realize the suggestion of putting big plastic butts on vehicles was supposed to be taken seriously.
doctorremulac3, Jan 16 2018

       If you use the word "bottom" instead of "butt", it's funnier.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 16 2018

       Even I have my limits. The butt (or bottom) is funny, a big plastic sphincter would be too much. And frankly a little disturbing, especially on the south end of a north bound smiling cartoon character train.
doctorremulac3, Jan 16 2018

       What about locomotive bollocks? They've got'em for your trailer hitch now. [link for anyone who cares to look] Or am I just assuming gender based on a name?   

       //What about locomotive bollocks?// [8th] can talk them till the cows come home.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 16 2018

       Reminds me of a funny joke;   

       A native fellow is sitting on a hill by his bull and a tourists ask him the time.
He reaches over and hefts the bulls testicles and says, "It's quarter after two."
The tourist is stunned and asks, "How could you possibly tell the time by lifting that bulls balls?!"
So the native fellow motions the tourist closer and lifts the bulls balls again pointing and says, "The clock tower is right over there."

       ...well I found it funny, so there   

       Why don't you and [doc] just eat a load of legumes, then go off behind the bike sheds together and laugh at one another's farts ?
8th of 7, Jan 17 2018

       They did that last week, needed some variety.   

       Considering which end is fed the coal, and which end the exhaust comes out, shouldn’t their arses be facing forward?   

       It would certainly be more aerodynamic, with a proper study on how their curvature should break the wind.
RayfordSteele, Jan 17 2018

       //Why don't you and [doc] just eat a load of legumes, then go off behind the bike sheds together and laugh at one another's farts ?//   

       Remind me, who was the one that posted an idea of attaching a plastic ass to a train?
doctorremulac3, Jan 17 2018

       I think that was Truman’s campaign advisor.
RayfordSteele, Jan 17 2018

       Human traintipede
calum, Jan 17 2018

       // Truman’s campaign advisor. //   

       Yes, Truman was a Democrat, so an ass (donkey) would be singularly appropriate.   

       If you wanted a huge, unsightly arse (see also // big plastic sphincter //) then a 3D print of Hillary Clinton would work beautifully.
8th of 7, Jan 17 2018

       Would the sphincter trump?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 17 2018

       Close butt; no cigar!
pertinax, Jan 18 2018

       I think this idea embodies a fundamental physical law. In the same way as the Law of Conservation of Charge says that the amount of positive charge in the universe must equal the amount of negative charge, this idea is saying that the universe must hold an equal number of faces and pairs of buttocks. Then, in the same way that local systems will always seek to neutralize their electric charge and acquire an equal number of positive and electric charges, so will systems (such as trains) with an unequal number of faces and pairs of buttocks seek to equalize these. If we establish the fundamental unit of face/buttockness as the buttock, then it follows that a pair of buttocks is +2 and a person's face must therefore have -2 'buttock charge'.
hippo, Jan 18 2018

       This suggests the potential for face-buttock systems to exist in excited states, in which one buttock has acquired a quantum of energy, causing it to exist in an orbital around the face rather than being directly bonded to it.   

       Clearly experiments need to be conducted to find out how long such a state can last for, and to measure the energy of the photon emitted when it relaxes into the ground configuration.
Wrongfellow, Jan 18 2018

       That's an easy Ph.D. for someone, right there.
8th of 7, Jan 18 2018

       Close enough to kiss, or no?   

       This goes against the fundamental observations of social politics and groups, in that asses tend to congregate in dense formations. There is no other explanation for either Washington or France. The electrical attraction between faces and buttocks must be a much weaker force than the gravitational attraction between asses.
RayfordSteele, Jan 18 2018

       I've noticed that people tend to get drunk in groups at certain locations and times of day. I can only assume there is a drunk force at play.   

       So if someone gets shitfaced or arseholed, this can only mean they are more buttocky and their facial buttock charge must increase. We can therefore make a link between the drunk force and the buttock charge.   

       We might be on the verge of a unified field theory here.
DenholmRicshaw, Jan 18 2018

       ... but one which only has relevance just as you're leaving the bar an' explainin' it to your beshtes' fren' .. arright ? Explainin' .... Is ..is ... is ... like, totally obvious, innit ? Eh ? Eh ? An', an', an' I'll tell you another thing ... anotherthing ... eh ?
8th of 7, Jan 18 2018


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