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# Telescopic Sofa

one sofa fits all
 (+10, -1) [vote for, against]

I would like a new sofa, but to date have not found one that is the correct size I need. The problem is that I have an old Habitat sofa that fits the space almost exactly. There is no where else to locate it and Habitat no longer make that size. From exhaustive searches, no one makes the size I need.

If only someone would bring out a Telescopic Sofa. Here's how it works:
Telescopic Sofa arrives without any cushions, either for the back or sitting area. You expand or contract its telescopic frame until it becomes the exact size you want, then fix the tubular structure into place by turning a set of locking rings.

A series of numbers are inscribed on the telescopic tubes. Depending on the size, more or less of the numbers are revealed. It is these numbers which you must send in to the makers of the sofa, and they determine the dimensions of the cushions they need to make in order to exactly fit your particular sofa.

Once the cushions arrive, you just drop them unto your frame to complete the process of generating your perfectly sized sofa.

 — xenzag, Aug 08 2021

Ooh I like. But how do you account for the fabric bits that aren't cushion?
 — RayfordSteele, Aug 08 2021

You could have cleverly designed cushions in a geometrical sequence of inch widths, thus allowing every possible integer inch width sofas to be constructed. Unused cushions would be stored beneath the seat.
 — pocmloc, Aug 08 2021

i.e. 1 2 4 8 16 32 should be enough
 — pocmloc, Aug 08 2021

 [+]

I don't think people will like using a size 1, a size 2, and a size 4
 — Voice, Aug 08 2021

^Get your feet off of the sofa. Metric is the way to go.
 — AusCan531, Aug 09 2021

 OK have them sized in geometric multiples of 24mm, would that be better?

 I think that squidgy or inflatable cushions would not work because (a) I like a nice firm sofa, and (b) squidgy cushions would squirtle themselves down through between the telescopic tubes. Geometrical seat inserts have a padded upholstered sitting surface for bum-cushion interface, but they have a solid wood or metal substructure to attach firmly and conveniently to the telescopic tubes.

Also- without using the 24mm, 48mm and 96mm inserts how do you fine tune the width of your sofa so as to exactly fill the gap between the bone china aspidistra pot, and the corner of the glass case containing a taxidermy antelope being chased by a pack of leopards? You could move the pot but that would merely reveal where the floor was painted around it.
 — pocmloc, Aug 09 2021

Correct. The inscribed calibration numbers are like a vernier screw system being used to provide total inbuilt accuracy without the need for any measuring tape.
 — xenzag, Aug 09 2021

This could actually be a quite practical idea. Also, it would be useful for playing horrible psychological games on people - e.g. by making the sofa a few millimetres smaller every day they would gradually start to think they were getting fatter.
 — hippo, Aug 09 2021

^ Oooh, I likey.
 — AusCan531, Aug 09 2021

+ I could have used this when I was shopping for a new loveseat because I ended up with a chair.
 — xandram, Aug 09 2021

A chair can make a great love seat.
 — xenzag, Aug 09 2021

An extra bun for hippo alone. Don't eat it though, the couch might shrink a bit...
 — RayfordSteele, Aug 09 2021

[a1]; those transformer tables are all very well, but you need to find somewhere else to store all the table-top sections, which almost defeats the purpose.