Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Firing Guy

A guy who tells people they're fired so the boss doesn't have to.
(+7, -7)
  [vote for,

Telling someone they no longer will be recieving a paycheck and thus must make other arrangements to pay the bills can be tough. People cry, they shout, and occasionally re-enter the workplace with .45 violent intentions.

Not after the Firing Guy is implemented. The Firing Guy is trained in the art of expending assets. He (or she) takes whatever approach neccessary.

"You're fired...get the fuck outta here!"

"I'm sorry, Gary, but...the company has decided to let you go. It's a shitty world and it was a shitty job anyway. Let me stand you a couple rounds at O'Toole's."

"Mary, the management feels that your skills would be best employed in the local red light district. Here are their business cards, you can start building a client base. How about a freebie before you go?"

The Firing Guy would roam the corporation's bases across the nation, firing wherever he goes. Of course the company employs more than one Firing Guy...so they can fire each other.

Eugene, Jun 01 2005

The Office http://funnyfox.org/theoffice.htm
Take one. [reensure, Jun 01 2005]

U R out: man fired by SMS http://www.smh.com..../1050172541832.html
...from the Sydney Morning Herald [Detly, Jun 07 2005]


       A Fire-O-Gram, eh? Interesting, though many managers seem to do a lot of their 'managing' (possibly including hiring and firing) via email these days (I have an image of the 'pointy-haired boss' of Dilbert fame).   

       By the way, why would Mary's skills be more suited for the red light district?
Adze, Jun 01 2005

       Apparently Mary slept her way to the top...that's what they're saying in the breakroom anyway.
Eugene, Jun 01 2005

       Shame I'm at a lower end of the ladder than she is...
shapu, Jun 01 2005

       Depends on your job. I've worked at a couple different eateries I was sick of. I was incredibly glad to get fired at Pizza Hut and Quizno's.   

       Maybe Mary just slept her way to lower middle secretarial management.
Eugene, Jun 02 2005

       I seem to recall an episode of the TV show Cheers where Norm performed this exact function. And I imagine there have been several variations of this job in a variety of media (comics, cartoons, movies, print, etc.) so I'd like to invite the Firing Guy to introduce you to Mister MFD. Sorry, Eugene.
Canuck, Jun 06 2005

       So, this idea says that we should have people who know how to fire people, and we should have people who can do everything but fire people? This seems a foolish distinction, not to mention one that has been seen many times before.
Blumster, Jun 06 2005

       Baked. Ian McGregor performed almost exactly this role when Margaret Thatcher employed him to ruin (sp. amended) the National Coal Board.
DrBob, Jun 06 2005

       See also: The movie "Office Space". Two consultants named "Bob" reveal they feel it's best to fire people on Fridays.
crater, Jun 06 2005

       Exactly what [Canuck] said. Poor old Norm.
zen_tom, Jun 06 2005

       I just liked the idea of Firing Guys firing each other.
Eugene, Jun 07 2005

       //employed him to run the National Coal Board// Shouldn't that read "run the NCB down" ?
TolpuddleSartre, Jun 07 2005

       I had to do this. I thought the Firing Guy was another name for Lower Management. It sucked.   

       Not even a week after I quit that job, when my replacement fired someone, the fired beat on the "Big Boss's" door yelling, "I know you're in there! I just want to talk to you for a minute!" The Branch Manager never opened the door.   

       I'm so sorry I missed that.
Zimmy, Jun 07 2005

       //Shouldn't that read "run the NCB down"//

DrBob, Jun 07 2005


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