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Troll Petting Zoo

For those of us who just *can't* resist.
  (+8, -6)
(+8, -6)
  [vote for,

We all know how it is. We desperately want the stupid thread to keel over and die. We may even want the idiot who wrote it to give a hearty "fuck you" and delete his account. So do we leave him to his empty idea, annotationless with the tumbleweed lazily rolling by?

No. Why? Because his stupidity galls us, perhaps. Maybe we cannot resist pointing out the wide open spaces he leaves as if to taunt us. Perhaps he (they) have an ally (play with themselves) who through a constant series of back-slapping keep popping up at the top of our list.

So, just one more annotation, we think, won't make any difference. Someone has already posted today, so it will still be a week before this damn thing goes, may as well have my shot at it.

This is the problem. Here, for your perusal is a possible solution: a new catagory that these threads can be moved to. At the least this will be a "hint" for the author of whatever pointlessness is in vogue, and a haven for those of us who like to gawk at such beasts in their natural habitat. It requires very little in the way of implementation, and customisable views mean that such ideas needn't get in the way of real innovation.

One last caveat: Beware of the overfed troll.

yamahito, May 08 2002

Looking for something to feed a troll? Try this..... http://www.petsorfood.com
[runforrestrun, May 09 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       As we learned last year with Mr. Slaughtered-Cow-Blood-Drink and his many personalities, yamahito, the beast and his MPD will soon fade into memory, and the players in proper attire and equipment who did post "that one last annotation" were none the worse for it. Though I accept your dire warning regarding the overfeedings, sometimes, some things just have to be said. Perhaps, in the hopes that such overfeedings will cause the species to die in the wild when we have stopped.
globaltourniquet, May 08 2002

       I guess the real point was that we'd be able to add that one last annotation without the pang of guilt or irritation of still having the thing at the top of the recent list...
yamahito, May 08 2002

       Don't forget the Paranoid Schizophrenic False Accuser
thumbwax, May 09 2002

       Well, he has a moped...
thumbwax, May 09 2002

       For your consideration: The Verbose Braggadocio. Once thought extinct, this rare bird-troll hybrid has had several recent sightings in the culture:language undergrowth. Thought to be related to both parrots and peacocks, this particular breed is instantly recognised by its ostentatious display.   

       Although of a rather mean and puny size, the creature likes to puff himself up to appear many sizes bigger than he is; perhaps this is his natural defence against bigger, more experienced predators. The other distinguishing feature, the complicated calls which give the beast its name, sound uncannily like human speech. Listening more closely, however, we hear that it is more in the way of imitation, and is strongly garbled. Latest Theories postulate that these cries are a means of gaining attention, perhaps for mating purposes.
yamahito, May 09 2002

       These mating porpoises ; ) of which you speak - could this explain the recent rash?
Not on your bird's feathers - on the halfbakery.
thumbwax, May 09 2002

       Quite possibly, tw. I am currently researching the possibility that this (and many other troll species, perhaps) reproduce by asexual means: cell division (replication) or some other method. This new theory, unfortunately, does not explain the necessity for the mewling one hears from the Verbose - any ideas welcome.
yamahito, May 09 2002

       *asexual means* they are certainly little budders.
po, May 09 2002

       I think they reproduce via rhizome.   

       [yamahito] I didn't know my posts bothered you so much.
bristolz, May 09 2002


       your posts are an enlightenment and an education, bristolz... (am I missing something?)
yamahito, May 09 2002

       Oh, I thought you were talking about me. (I was kidding. Okay, bad joke, er . . . not very enlightened)
bristolz, May 09 2002

       Give a troll a fish and feed him for a day. Give a troll an arguement and feed him for a lifetime.
phoenix, May 09 2002

       <related fictional musings>
09-May-02 - Now 27 days since my journey began

       Having recently arrived in the wilds of these seemingly endless plains known to the seasoned as Forums of the Internet and only this week having observed my first pack of beasts (known to the locals hereabout as trolls) wandering free of confinement, I am left with one simple yet profound conclusion. As with all creatures, the quantity of nourishment afforded to the trolls results in a directly proportional increase in the amount of...how shall I say...droppings that they produce.   

       I care not to experience further these beasts most foul. Trusted guides and colleagues, while espousing the view that the creatures do no real harm, at the same time warn that troll territories possess no logical or identifiable boundaries and therefore one should not hold to the utopian ideal of being able to avoid such encounters in the future.   

       Yet I hold out hope that one day all such creatures would be vanquished from the wild and that a small remainder be held in a conservatory of sorts, so as to satisfy the needs of scientific research and the curiosity of a truly morbid few who might enjoy these creatures and long for the days when they freely roamed.
</related fictional musings>
half, May 10 2002

       My study of these creatures has let me to believe that they are not entirely anchored in this plane of reality. You look at them, they stare back. You look away and they start thrashing as if in pain then disappear. How any creature such as this could come to existence is beyond me. The best place for them would seem to be a petting zoo where they can receive the attention they so urgently seem to require. This leaves us with an important question:   

       How exactly do you catch a troll?
st3f, May 10 2002

       First, you point at the sign that reads "Too Many Kooks In The Kitchen" - Then the one that reads "We Reserve The Right To Refuse Service To Anyone" - Then you kick them out of the halfbakery without further ado.
thumbwax, May 10 2002

       Moderators: as of today we seem to have a problem I feared might develop. We've relied on the mfd tag to take an inappropriate posting out one week after its last annotation. Finally, serious halfbakers (I know, its an oxymoron) have stopped annotating, but the offender seems committed to keeping the posting afloat indefinitely with evidently false identities.   

       Shouldn't we now end the abuse?
beauxeault, May 10 2002

       The problem is that an expulsion or deletion may be taken as provocative action, encouraging more rampant trolling behaviour. If left, they/he will probably get bored and piss off.
stupop, May 10 2002

       That is my view also, beaux. Quite frankly I fear we've set a bad precedent allowing the nonsense to go on as long as it has. If there really is good reason to allow "Succulent" to stay here, just as any other idea does, then clearly I have misunderstood what constitutes a troll and what action should be taken for multiple-account abuse.   

       As I've tried to prepare myself for the likelihood that it is going to be permitted to stay (and there's no indication otherwise), I've begun to force myself to think of "Succulent" as a troll 'pen' of sorts. Let them stay there and have their fun. If they spill out into other postings, we will have a different battle.
waugsqueke, May 10 2002

       bliss, why hide your head in shame at a little Master B?
yama, *_uk was an annoying little shite & i would have loved to have had a quicker way to boot him. how about a voting system of fish/pastry/eject ? where X many ejects from accounts older than 6 months = into the zoo for that "idea".
mymus, May 10 2002

       Wow. Looks like the post has moved on from general trolling, and turned into the commentary on "succulent." Well, I can live with that; as waugs points out, the post has already become a pen. Perhaps the real need is for a game warden.   

       beaux and stupop both make good points here. Any provocative action will not help the situation, but it seems equally obvious to me that something needs to be done. If there were only one troll with multiple accounts, he would become bored rather quickly, but I do not believe that this is the case. Although I am sure that there is plenty of multi-accounting going on, I have come to believe that the author is not one of them: of his other two "ideas," one seems to be progressing fairly sensibly, and the other was promptly, if reluctantly, deleted when its validity was pointed out. With this idea, however, he has support from the übertroll, which keeps the damn thread alive. You will note that nothing became truly unpleasant until nickd(drnick?ted/phil_uk? etc etc..) started to stir.   

       Anyway, that's just my two cents.   

       Oh, by the way: none of them seem to have found this idea yet; either they don't know about it, or they're satisfied crowing their "victory" of two and a half fishies. Would it be fun to give them a link here, or do we want to remain undisturbed? I think I'd vote for the second (remember UBs old comment about trolling trollers), but hey, it might be fun.
yamahito, May 10 2002

       no link please. let them stay holed up where they are until they get the message that we are bored silly with them.
po, May 10 2002

       I take it the admins can't delete ideas and/or user accounts? I ask, because it hasn't been done....   

       On the up side/down side: the sub-admin experiment seems to be a swimming success (tips hat to the volunteers), since I haven't seen [jutta] about in a while. I imagine she's getting some 'real' work done (which is good), but I miss her charm and wit in the annotations.
phoenix, May 10 2002

       We can delete/ban but need strong justification. My perspective may just be different than yours.
bristolz, May 10 2002

       Or you might have more patience.
phoenix, May 10 2002

       Multi-user account spamming and return of previously banned users isn't enough justification? It has been in the past.
waugsqueke, May 10 2002

       Trust me on this one, please.
bristolz, May 10 2002

       "Trust me on this one, please."   

beauxeault, May 10 2002

       // Trust me on this one, please. //   

       No fair usin' the "please". Okay, I'm trusting.   

       It's just like whack-a-mole.
waugsqueke, May 10 2002

       When jutta sees abuse, she deletes account(s). If she'd seen the "idea" a_n_d felt the "idea" should stay - she'd have contacted the real halfbakers who [m-f-d] she'd tell them to remove [m-f-d] - and she'd indicate why. She'd also annotate the idea itself. Obviously she's not seen the "idea" - o_r she's testing the moderators to see if they know when to take the gun off safety. This is obviously the time to do just that.
Save the "idea" creator for last so you have the full list of false identities available.
Load the clip with ammo, flick the switch, rack the slide, Aim, Fire. Repeat the last two steps as often as necessary. A-hunting-we-will-go...
thumbwax, May 10 2002

       I can't speak for Jutta but I can tell you what I know:  She is very busy on work outside of the HB.  She is aware of the problem.   

       Can we all not be in a dither over this?
bristolz, May 10 2002

       Perhaps the greatest barrier between the U.S. and the U.K is that of language.
[ sctld ], May 10 2002

       Aw come on, shoot to kill
thumbwax, May 10 2002

       Not an idea. [marked for deletion].   

       - done in irony... why don't we just stand back and take a look a good look at ourselves in the mirror.
succulent, May 11 2002

       As I've said before:   

       I can't understand how you can speak out so vehemently agains an idea that is no less inane than the vast majority of the ideas on this board. If those of you angry folks had a modicum of a sense of humour, the thread would have been long dead. Instead you got riled by what was a essentially innocuous thread, thus fuelling the desire of those who are "pro-succulent" to keep the thread going. Also, the fact that some of you got so angry is a testament to the fact that, for want of a better phrase, some of you are ridiculously up your own arses. And I don't like to think I'm above anyone, but some people here really need to sort their priorities out. I'm looking at you, Yamahito.
drews_reluctant_whore, May 11 2002

       Here here, succulent, here here.   

       Yamahito, despite your obvious baker talents and confidence in the 'bakery, you too are a newbie-baker. It was just fortunate that you got the concept in one.
[ sctld ], May 11 2002

       Whore of babble-on, there is no wailing or gnashing of teeth. "Ideas" are m-f-d constantly. More than half the 'bakers have had m-f-d ideas. Whoop-tee-doo. "Succy" was m-f-d because in it's actual spelling and use - it is an existing word (if it were not, it'd still be m-f-d, as it belongs in another site altogether). *All people should use* "Succy" is another m-f-d flag. You took umbrage at this, and manifested yourself in various permutations, thereby *punishing all people who do not do X*. In this case, in so many words "punishing" halfbakers who see through your flimsy veil. That's another m-f-d flag, whether for idea or account. You're not the first to use this/these tactic(s) - and certainly won't be the first to be nothing but a memory in the halfbakery. You "and yours" = troll.
thumbwax, May 11 2002

       // some people here really need to sort their priorities //   

       Uh huh, and... it's your mission to help them do that, right?
lubbit, May 12 2002

       I would like to say two things (in my defense!):   

       The first is, that yes, I have perhaps been a bit too quick to point the finger, and yes, certain annotations in this thread are taking the piss out of certain annotators on the succulent thread. I would like to say that these were not posted in a vindictive way, and were not meant to be a rant, but I also feel I need to apologize: getting ahead of myself, I feel.   

       Nonetheless, the idea itself was never really meant to be a commentary on recent events. It was inspired by a certain halfbaker's inability to restrain herself when some particularly odious (and unfair) comments were made about other halfbakers. In drew_uk's defense, these were not posted by him. Go and read the idea. It does not specifically pertain to "succulent" or any other specific idea. On that score, I was the first to delete annotations and recommend (without being offensive, I hope) drew to move the idea to another site. As many people have mentioned, it's now time to move on.   

       This idea had nothing more to do with succulent than its inspiration.
yamahito, May 12 2002


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