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Tuff-Guy First Aid Kit

For those who don't want to be seen as a sissy for wearing a band-aid.
  [vote for,

I'm sure most of us have known at least one guy (or gal) like that. They could be bleeding like a stuck pig but are too proud to wear a band-aid because they don't wanna look like a sissy. They don't want to pour peroxide on it because tough guys can handle a litle dirt in their system. This idea is for them. Give it to them as a joke present. Who knows, maybe they'll even use it.

Ok, here's what the Tuff-Guy First Aid Kit consists of:

1) Adhesive medical strips. No band-aids here, though. What they'll find inside is a roll of duct tape and a roll of toilet paper. Combine the two to make the toughest, most absorbent "band-aid" known to man (I've used this one myself on a number of occasions since you can make it as big as you need)

2) Wraps. No Ace bandages here, though. What they'll find in this box is a couple of tube socks with velcro on the ends.

3) Topical disinfectant. Hydrogen peroxide? Nope. Hydrocortizone cream? Fuck off! This 2-part container consists of a shaker of salt to rub in it, and a 5 oz flask of 150-proof. Nothin' cleans like alcohol!

4) Oral anaesthetic. Tylenol? No. Motrin? Try again. Aspirin???? Not that either. This consists of a 5 oz flask of 90 proof.

5) Emergency surgery tools. Scalpel? Nope. Tweezers? Nada. This part consists of a field knife, fishing line and needle-nose pliers.

6) Tourniquet. A bandanna? Nope. This is a leather belt with a big, shiny flat buckle that can also be used to cover a sucking chest wound.

7) A block of wood for biting? What are you, a nancy boy??? The tough guy gets a bullet to bite down on whilst performing self-surgery.

That'a about all I think a really tough guy needs to survive any situation.

21 Quest, Sep 05 2007

NexCare Duct-Tape band aids http://www.ohgizmo....duct-tape-band-aid/
For sale at the counter of my local ACE Hardware store. [jutta, Sep 06 2007]

Never underestimate the power of duct tape. http://www.ducttape....com/hmo/index.html
I can't tell if these guys are serious. [Canuck, Sep 06 2007]

Chuck Norris' "childhood home" http://www.epodunk.....php?locIndex=16214
He didn't actually live here. His grandmother did. He spent some time here. But, WTF, gotta have something to draw people to a godforsaken little sphincter of a town. [Klaatu, Sep 06 2007]

Rambo Knife http://www.swordsdi...m/rambo_knives.html
[nuclear hobo, Sep 06 2007]

For those who don't already know... http://en.wikipedia...iki/Alcoholic_proof
[21 Quest, Sep 19 2007]

For really agonizing pain http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absinthe
[21 Quest, Sep 19 2007]

For sterilizing really grievous wounds (the manly way!) http://en.wikipedia...clear_%28alcohol%29
[21 Quest, Sep 19 2007]

Tuff (volcanic ash) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuff
Tuff for the tuff-guy [csea, Sep 25 2007]


       I bet you could actually sell these. Guys would buy them for other guys.
bungston, Sep 05 2007

       I'd love a kit like this. I mean, I really have used a few of the items mentioned (not because of pride, mind you, but because it was all I had within reach at the time, but still...).
21 Quest, Sep 05 2007

       You might need a splint. So, pack the whole thing in a hickory box, which could be broken with your left hand along the joints if necessary; or, in a more severe emergency, could be used to smoke a rack of ribs.
lurch, Sep 05 2007

       Damn! + Might include a bullet to bite on whilst undergoing impromptu surgery.
csea, Sep 05 2007

       Oh crap, I forgot the bullet!?! I meant to add that when I thought this up at work earlier today, can't believe I forgot. I'll amend the post to include it.

       The splint's not a bad idea, either. Nor is the hickory box.
21 Quest, Sep 05 2007

       [jutta]- bought those at MY local hardware store for a friend of mine (yes, I have friends... sometimes). He seemed to like them. So [21], looks like you have the start of a value added product. Start piecing out the other items and you will be rich. Oh, yes. Rich, indeed.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Sep 06 2007

       Wow. I kinda figured I wasn't the first guy to use duct tape as a bandage, but I didn't know they were actually being manufactured en masse. Nice link, Jutta.
21 Quest, Sep 06 2007

       You gotta have crazy glue in any good survival kit.   

       the powder from the bullet can be used for cauterizing the wound too - for bigger wound surfaces there should be a bowie and a burner (could be the 150proof), though.
loonquawl, Sep 06 2007

       I have used the toilet-paper-and-tape combination - but mine was masking tape.

       Very clean, full roll of course - I'm paid to put the paint on, not take it back off.
elhigh, Sep 06 2007

       + for reminding me of Tex Baker who once broke his ankle on his horse farm, so he wrapped his boot in duct tape and kept working till supper time. my all time favorite quote, "broke my back once; almost brought me to my knees."

       what a man!
k_sra, Sep 06 2007

       Being a woman, I'm not ashamed to say that I have used Scooby-Doo and Santa Claus band-aids, but I'm thinking I'd like some with Brad Pitt on them. (he's a tuff-guy)
xandram, Sep 06 2007

       The splint should be mesquite-flavored so that you can use it to flavor the rabbit you trapped with your adhesive bandages.
shapu, Sep 06 2007

       Funny when I have seen bikers wearing scooby doo band aids before. Of course if you add attitude it helps.

       But the proper container for this first aid kit is an old ammo box.
Galbinus_Caeli, Sep 06 2007

       //But the proper container for this first aid kit is an old ammo box.//

       I disagree. The perfect box is made from old pallets, ripped apart by hand, broken into length over the knee, put together with nails pulled from the wood by teeth, driven in by a fist and stained with the blood from your efforts. Sort of a Chuck Norris medical kit.

       (A little dig for my previous city of residence) <link>
Klaatu, Sep 06 2007

       //the proper container for this first aid kit is an old ammo box.//

       The only proper kit is a hollow-handled Rambo survival knife. [link]
nuclear hobo, Sep 06 2007

       Rambo knife's not a bad idea, but it's too small to hold everything. And for only 20 bucks I wouldn't trust the blade OR the handle to hold up to the rigors of combat or survival.
21 Quest, Sep 07 2007

       Yes, Duct tape is an excellent medical necessity for any first aid kit. It tends to hold most of the blood in, whereas band aids tend to leak and make too much mess.
the dog's breakfast, Sep 13 2007

       But you can't go calling it "First Aid", can you?
Ling, Sep 15 2007

       My dad always had a few items in the first aid kit which were only marginally useful for actual human first aid. Such as a couple of tent-sewing needles. Just in case the tent got a rip in it, ya know? - but jaw-droppingly impressive to someone thinking this was actual first aid gear.
lurch, Sep 15 2007

       No, "First Aid" wouldn't do, you're right. How about "Last Resort Kit"?
21 Quest, Sep 15 2007

"Anti-death kit"?
"Body repair kit"?
Ling, Sep 15 2007

       Hm... all good possibilities... maybe use them all, for different kits. It'd be most of the same stuff in the package, but the difference would be the alcoholic content in the flasks.
21 Quest, Sep 15 2007

       Interesting... this makes the second idea I've seen today in which somebody has rescinded a positive vote... just switched to neutral with no explanation. Curious.
21 Quest, Sep 19 2007

       I once worked as an electrician, and most such, when experiencing a bleeding cut, simply put ordinary black electrical tape directly onto the skin. It's waterproof and thus seals the wound from leaking, and of course that also prevents bacteria from accessing it, too. Cleaning the wound is recommended first, of course.

       I still use black tape, even years after no longer working in that field. Happen to have some on my fingertip as I'm typing this, in fact.
Vernon, Sep 19 2007

       Hm... never used electrical tape... used f4 tape (which is similar, but more rubbery than plasticky) to "repair" gouges in my boots, though.
21 Quest, Sep 19 2007

       + also a blow torch to cauterize and sterilize.
jaksplat, Sep 19 2007

       I like it! Blowtorch may be a little to big to pack in a survival kit, though... maybe a butane lighter?
21 Quest, Sep 19 2007

       Be a man, use a road flare. I've done it on several occasions. One time I was out deer tackling and gored myself on a 29 point buck. Ripped my nose clean off. Well, I ran back to my car, grabbed the safety kit and popped the flare. Can't use my right eye anymore, or my nose, but the bleeding stopped.
rascalraidex, Sep 22 2007

       Yeah, I suppose that's OK for nicked skin. It reminds me of the time when I lost a limb - can't remember which one - I cauterised the wound with the friction from a wet stick... course, normally I would use a dry one 'cos it soaks up the blood better.
Ling, Sep 22 2007

       //can't remember which one //

       Now THAT is funny! Thanks Ling, I needed the laugh.
21 Quest, Sep 22 2007

       Thanks. I often get stunned silence from my attempts at humour. Does this mean I need canned laughter on the HB?
Ling, Sep 24 2007

       Wait...! I just thanked you.... you can't thank me for thanking you... it's.... I'm confused. Thanks.

21 Quest, Sep 24 2007

       "Keep on livin' kit."
elhigh, Sep 24 2007

       the "It's just a scratch" kit

       i would go with different kits for different factions of masculinity... like muscle car/biker tuff guys, marine corps tuff guys, little man tuff guys with danger specific items.Like for the muscle car tuffies, long hair get caught in the fan blade and scalp you? No problem, just dollop on some medicated axle grease, coat the affected area, and style into a pompadour.
rascalraidex, Sep 24 2007

       I'd love to see the tough-guy surgeon - his only tools are hand-grenades thrown from the other side of the operating theatre.
zen_tom, Sep 24 2007

       Needs a small pot of tar for dipping bleeding stumps into.
oneoffdave, Sep 24 2007

       21 Quest, I'm British: that's my excuse. Maybe you haven't heard a standard exchange of conversation between two people when something is being bought in the UK?

2 pounds, please.
Thank you.
Here's your change.
Thank you.

       (I may have missed out one or two thanks somewhere)
Ling, Sep 24 2007

       What a friendly place... here it goes more like:

       Here's your change

       Thanks, and how are you today?

       I'm ok. Ok, next.
21 Quest, Sep 24 2007

       hmm, you must live in the south. here (cleveland, ohio) it goes:

       2 dollars.
(hands a fiver)
3 dollars is your change
k_sra, Sep 24 2007

       Spokane, Washington actually. Deeper south they're usually a bit more friendly. Georgia, Florida, Alabama... depends on how close the nearest trailer park is, really.
21 Quest, Sep 24 2007

       Don't American transactions finish with "Have a great day!" or "Missing you already!", or is that just a myth?
jtp, Sep 24 2007

       This is a very large country, Mr. Pickle. In many places, that is true. In many others, it is, indeed, a myth.
21 Quest, Sep 24 2007

       //"Missing you already!"//

       <laughs>i say that to my boyfriend, but nobody else</l>

       brits must think we're all a bunch of yipping, cowboy goofballs.
k_sra, Sep 24 2007

       From what I've heard, that pretty sums up our reputation in most countries. Bush has not helped quell that reputation, I must admit.
21 Quest, Sep 24 2007

       It's good to know that you're not all like that. If and when I visit your fine domain, and someone who's just served me in a burger joint says "Missing you already!", I'd immediately take advantage of your liberal gun-owning laws, purchase a Smith & Wesson, and go back and shoot them in the face. Or something.
jtp, Sep 24 2007

       The only time I've ever heard that phrase in a fast-food joint was at an Arby's I used to eat lunch at every day in Florida. I always ordered the same thing. 2 girls who worked there (I can't remember their names now, it's been a few years) used to start making it as soon as they saw my car pull into the parking lot, so I never even had to order. I'd just walk in, pay and eat. No waiting at all. I've never seen that level of service at an eating establishment before or since.

       There is a coffee shop right around the corner from where I live now (one of those little kiosk-type ones that you pull up to the window) where they've gotten to know me quite well, and the girls there seem to have made a sport of flirting with me. Again, I almost always order the same thing so they just ask if I'll be having the usual. Never heard the phrase "missing you already!" but I've heard close. I'm still not sure if they're really being nice, or they just want my repeat business, but if it's just for the repeat business it's the best sales pitch I've ever heard (and I've worked in sales) because it's not just a quick smile and a wink, I've held long conversations with some of them. It's kinda nice when you've had a bad day. They don't even ask for my punch card anymore (the ones here get swiped into a computer database, so they don't actually need the card). They know my name and "punch" my card for me without even saying anything. When I've earned a free drink, they tell me the next time I pull up and ask if I'd like to use my freebee.

       So I guess my point is, again, that it really depends on where you go.
21 Quest, Sep 24 2007

       21 Quest, there's a book called "Watching the English" (I think), written by Bill Bryson EDIT: Kate Fox (Sorry!). She attempts to explain the weird goings on in pubs, on the streets etc. and why they always talk about the weather.

       By the way; nice weather we're having, isn't it?
Ling, Sep 24 2007

       [jtp], we do have some different laws, but that kind of talk is what makes the GFWs (gun fearing wussies) want to change them for the worse. Please behave your armed self in a gentlemanly manner.
normzone, Sep 24 2007

       Actually, the weather's gorgeous here right now. Perfect temperature, clear sky... couldn't ask for better weather.
21 Quest, Sep 24 2007

       Noted, [normzone], I'll try to curb my aggression. Probably. By the way, we've had tornadoes here today. How very American.
jtp, Sep 24 2007

       //there's a book called "Watching the English" (I think), written by Bill Bryson//

       "Watching the English" is by Kate Fox. I haven't read it, so can't comment. Bill Bryson's take on the subject is actually called "Notes from a small island". It's an amusing read, whichever side of the water you're from.
jtp, Sep 25 2007

       Ah, I've confused the two authors, having read both books. But I do mean to refer to "Watching the English". I really do have a terrible name for memories.
Ling, Sep 25 2007

       No problem. And I mean that from the heart of my bottom.
jtp, Sep 25 2007

       This many annotations and no one has pointed out that the correct first aid for a "tuff" guy would involve cement and the assistance of a mason?
Galbinus_Caeli, Sep 25 2007

21 Quest, Sep 25 2007

       you could pack wounds with volcanic ash.
rascalraidex, Sep 25 2007

       Yes, tuff for the tuff-guy would be appropriate [link].
csea, Sep 25 2007

       That's kinda cool... maybe that's where the word tough originated?
21 Quest, Sep 25 2007

       Alcohol for cleaning wounds? Tough guys are supposed to just use their own urine. Besides, little bottles in "it is but a flesh wound" kits always leak and ruin the toilet paper and duct tape.
ye_river_xiv, Sep 25 2007

       If you're a real tuff guy, the alcohol is not for cleaning the wound.
bleh, Sep 25 2007

       // little bottles in "it is but a flesh wound" kits always leak and ruin the toilet paper and duct tape.//

       That's why it's in a flask, which usually don't leak (that I've seen)

       //If you're a real tuff guy, the alcohol is not for cleaning the wound.//

       That's why there are 2 flasks. One for drinking, one for cleaning. Have you ever poured alcohol on a wound? It stings like a bitch! Which is precisely why a tuff-guy would use it.
21 Quest, Sep 25 2007

       When my father was a kid, he was playing silly buggers and had a stupid bike accident, ending up with gravel rash all down one leg. To teach him a lesson, my grandfather cleaned the wound with methylated spirits.

Custardguts, Sep 25 2007

       Ouch! Custard, that hurts just thinking about it.
21 Quest, Sep 25 2007


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