Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Vice Driving University

  [vote for,

I recently went on a short road trip with an associate of mine and I quickly realized that like myself he enjoyed cursing at other drivers.

The trouble was he wasn't very good at it.

Incident after incident I felt as if he was striking out with a weak delivery and lame content.

So I propose a Driving school that focuses on honing performance of driving vices in order to deliver the greatest unashamed satisfaction and impact.

There will be several categories of training:

Cursing at Other Drivers

Temper Tantrums

Silent Displays of Contempt for Other Drivers: Menacing Stares & Hand Signaling

Driving & Texting

Driving & Internet Surfing

Open Road Makeup Application

Eating & Drinking & Driving

Sexual Relations Behind the Wheel

vfrackis, Oct 07 2014


       Are you hiring tutors ? We wish to apply to teach the Advanced module of "Aggressive Vehicle Body Language with Multilingual Vituperation".
8th of 7, Oct 07 2014

       This is definitely higher education. More like Vice Driving University. As such I would like to apply for a lectureship in "Oh, you made a mistake did you.... accidentally drove down the f*#king filter lane past half a mile of stationary traffic huh? But you really meant to be in this lane.. right... and now. Now, is the one and only time you use those odd flashing yellow lights your car came with.... you know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to draw on every last reserve of my clutch control to make sure I'm 1.27 mm from the car in front at all times. I'm going to turn off the radio. I was all calm, philosophical about the little bit of traffic, Radio 4 was on and there's a field over there I was sort of looking at. But now, NOW furious anger will drive me. I will sacrifice anything, up to and including my no claims bonus to make sure you never get into this gap."   

       The good thing about this position, is that it's pretty easy to get an idea of the course material from the lecturer's title. Big door sign though.
bs0u0155, Oct 07 2014

       If you pass all these modules you can then take "Passive-Aggressive Tailgating"
hippo, Oct 07 2014

       Question 1: You have been driving behind what looks to be an elderly driver at precisely 42 mph for 3 miles of roads where overtaking is prohibited and the national (60 mph) speed limit applies. You both begin to pass through a village, where the posted speed limit (30 mph) applies. The driver in front clearly only has one driving speed, and as such carries on at 42 mph. Do you:   

       a: break the law, follow the driver closely hoping he gets confused by the lack of rationing, a wheelie bin or a left filter lane and overtake within the village.   

       b: Pull over and buy a Bakewell tart, after all, you're in Bakewell.   

       c: Obey the law and slow down, fantasizing about a speed trap, then, catch up to the codger and overtake on a straight bit while giving a dead-eyed stare to the side of his oblivious head.
bs0u0155, Oct 07 2014

       I was about to correct you on the national speed limit of 60mph you cited, thinking that the A6 was dual-carriageway through Bakewell (in which case the national speed limit would be 70mph) but I think you may be right and that may in fact be a single-carriageway section. As you were.
hippo, Oct 07 2014

       Bakewell is a town, not a village.
pocmloc, Oct 07 2014

       I was actually writing this about the village of Chelford. But, there's no reason to stop in Chelford. This, combined with the fact that answers a&c are obviously correct, would make the exam a little easy.
bs0u0155, Oct 07 2014

       // there's no reason to stop in Chelford. //   

       Yes there is. Just long enough to start the timers on the demolition charges.
8th of 7, Oct 07 2014

       ah, you've worked as a courier, then.
FlyingToaster, Oct 09 2014

       You're clearly driving an automatic. Otherwise you'd have your phone clamped between your head and shoulder, the pen in your mouth writing on the steering wheel-mounted clipboard while moving the gear stick into 3rd*   

       *which mashes the coffee in the stupidly placed cup holder, I'm looking at you Seat
bs0u0155, Oct 09 2014

       I was driving with my friend. We come to a red light and he speeds up and whips right through it.   

       I start freaking out "Hey man, your going to get us killed!" He replies "Relax, my brother drives like this."   

       We come to another red light and he blazes right through. "You're going to get arrested or get us killed!" "Relax this is how my brother drives."   

       We come to a green light he stops dead looking both ways.   

       "Dude, it's green you can go." "Nah man, my brother might be coming the other way."
normzone, Oct 09 2014

       The educational videos should be from foreign countries. I recommend New York City and Russia.
4and20, Oct 10 2014

       I recommend New Jersey
vfrackis, Oct 10 2014

       Boston, Mexico, or India would be good stand-ins.
RayfordSteele, Oct 11 2014


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle