Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Vlad The Awakener

horror clock
  (+5, -2)
(+5, -2)
  [vote for,

Vlad The Awakener is a simple alarm clock that is based on the nefarious activities of Vlad the Impaler.

For those who don't know about Vlad, see link informing them more of his life and in particular his favourite execution method. ie impaling people on sharpened standing sticks. (up to 20,000 at a time - yikes!)

The clock is simple, comprising of an appropriately gothic face and hands, linked to an upright stick, at the top of which sits a figure. At the pre-assigned hour, the figure begins sliding down the length of the stick while the clock delivers the pre-recorded sounds of painful howling, accompanied by peels of demonic laughter that may be attributed to Vlad and his supporters.

Pressing the snooze button pauses the progress of the figure and silences the apparatus. The final demise is reached when the apex of the impaling stick emerges from the mouth of the figure, which can then be repositioned ready for the next wake up call.

xenzag, Aug 12 2013

Vlad The Impaler http://en.wikipedia...ki/Vlad_the_Impaler
don't complain about the food.... [xenzag, Aug 12 2013]


       Gruesome, horrible and in very poor taste.   


       Could the effigy be selected from a range of politicians and celebrities ? Voice chips implanted in individual units could provide convincing renditions of screaming and pleas for mercy interspersed with repentance for prior sins.   

       It would be particularly apposite to have a set of catholic priests and monks who wail their confession to hideous acts of abuse. Also included in the set would be a couple of bishops and a pope, but of course they just keep quiet.
8th of 7, Aug 12 2013

       I see no reason why a range of figures could not be available for nightly selection. A blank faced figure would also allow the user to paste in place a printed image of the features of their chosen victim.
xenzag, Aug 12 2013

       [+] positively disgusting.
xandram, Aug 12 2013

       Ha - the less horrific version of the same principle features a fireman sliding down a pole, (as they do in UK anyway) and the more risque version of that idea features a pole dancer, only instead of just sliding, she spirals down. I still prefer Vlad.
xenzag, Aug 12 2013

       [true but irrelevant] My mother was once given some unidentified kind of gazelle when she was out in Iraq. She called it Vlad the Impala. [\tbi]
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 12 2013

       If she studied it hard around the belly area, would this be called navel gazelling?
xenzag, Aug 12 2013

       If Vald suffered a disabling infliction, would he be known as Vald the invalid? Had enough?
xenzag, Aug 12 2013

       Why "Vald"?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 12 2013

       Ha. Predictive text on iPad.
xenzag, Aug 12 2013

       // Vlad the Impala. //   

       In Aberystwith there's a jet-ski repair company run by an Eastern European emigre …the locals refer to him as "Vlad the Impeller".
8th of 7, Aug 13 2013


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