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What the Hell is Wrong With My Computer

Tells you what the hell is wrong with your computer
  (+18, -4)(+18, -4)
(+18, -4)
  [vote for,
against]

"What the hell is wrong with you computer?" "Sorry, Afro, you clogged up my memory with mp3's, animations of stuff blowing up and pictures of really, really stupid things. Oh, and I'm a crappy stupid computer that sucks." "Thanks computer. You suck."
AfroAssault, Apr 07 2001

(??) My Computer Totally Hates Me! / God, Do I Hate That Bitch http://www.theonion...int_technology.html
[egnor, Apr 07 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) Computer Haiku Error Messages http://www.scheib.net/play/haiku/
[DrCurry, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Time Travel back to November 30th 2001 http://web.archive..../pan.rebelbase.com/
Like Rods Tiger said: time travel back to .. (Except, due to inherent nature of time travel, I hit the day after: November 30, 2001) [JackandJohn, Oct 04 2004]

How to fix the ipad display with a hammer https://www.youtube...watch?v=xWmK2Id4X84
[pashute, Oct 01 2014]

[link]






       Not true. I saw an afro.   

       [There should be a category for sentences that sound like they should be palindromes, but obviously aren't.]
["plaindrome", lovely. Thanks, td.]
jutta, Apr 08 2001
  

       Sounds like a loose nut behind the keyboard.
blahginger, Apr 08 2001
  

       A loose connection between the seat and keyboard, or a bad BKA.
StarChaser, Apr 08 2001
  

       Jutta: I've seen the term `plaindrome' used for such, but have never seen a reference on the internnet. (All the references Google gives are typos for palindrome.)
td, Apr 08 2001
  

       The irony of this all is that even though I'm pretty sure you first few posters are making fun of me, my computer isn't displaying any more than the first 3 1/2 letters in each annotation
AfroAssault, Apr 08 2001
  

       [better now?]
jutta, Apr 08 2001
  

       thanks, jutta. Peter- I really couldn't care less if you guys know who I am, what color, where I'm from, etc., otherwise I wouldn't have posted my site. I've had a fro, and the name just sort of popped into my head.
AfroAssault, Apr 11 2001
  

       AA, I'd want mine to be the Tarantino version (2.0). If I'm going to slap the monitor upside the, um, screen (a stupid habit of mine ... like it's the 1960's and I can't get UHF on my b&w Zenith), I want the machine to answer me in appropriate language.   

       "What the f**k is wrong with you, motherf**ker? It was your stupid kid who spilled apple juice on me, asshole. I don't have to take this s**t." <blue screen of death>
1percent, Apr 11 2001
  

       "This program has performed and illegal operation and will be shut down".....   

       Hello? 911? My computer is engaging in illegal operations and I don't want to be an accessory to a crime so I would like you to come arrest it....
Susen, Apr 11 2001
  

       Reminds me of an haiku error-message email I got a while back--my favorite was
<P>"Yesterday it was working;
today it has stopped
working. Windows is like that."
Dog Ed, Apr 11 2001
  

       Now you have got something - poetic error messages.   

       Won't tell you what is wrong, but will lift your restless spirit.
riposte, Apr 12 2001
  

       1percent: my girlfriend has just suggested that if crumbs drop into the keyboard, the computer could say "Mmm. That is a tasty burger"
Did I say that, Apr 12 2001
  

       I am going to have to vote for this idea. Now, mind you, I'm very Win* (and DOS) literate, and I even know a bit of Unix (n00b), so I'm no Vicki, but I concede defeat now. I *need* this. I am reduced to a blathering heap of furiousity with this most recent development. (I also realize this isn't a tech support forum, so I'll refrain)   

       <calmly> "What the hell is wrong with you computer?" "I've been fed on a steady diet of M$ garbage, so what do you expect?" "Oh. Ok, then. At least I don't have to put up with you at home." "Yeah, I'm glad you don't live here too." "Hey, STFU!" <evil laugh> *BSoD*   

       StarChaser, what's a BKA? 8|
absterge, Apr 12 2001
  

       "Well, first off, Kitsune, I'm a 1995 Macintosh with a 14.4 modem. Just shoot me, OK?"
kitsune, Apr 13 2001
  

       Absterge: "Brain to Keyboard Adapter", aka 'the user'.   

       What's an STFU?
StarChaser, Apr 14 2001
  

       [added link to haiku error messages, Dog Ed]
Wes, Apr 14 2001
  

       "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!"   

       What does Percy Bysshe Shelley's sonnet have to do with error messages? Long before people were joking on the internet about poetic error messages, the good chemists, physicists, crystallographers and all-round lunatics at the UWA (that's University of Western Australia) were incorporating _real_ poetry into their XTAL programmes.   

       http://xtal.uwa.edu.au/ozy.html   

       «StarChaser: STFU = shut the f*** up.»
cp, Jun 02 2001
  

       Chaos reigns within,
Reflect, repent and reboot -
Order shall return.
Seaneeboy, Apr 08 2003
  

       <computer in slow voice> Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do <CISV>   

       Ominous
sambwiches, Apr 08 2003
  

       Dog Ed: Haiku is 5/7/5 syllables. Perhaps:   

       Yesterday it worked.
Today it has stopped working.
Windows is like that.
supercat, Apr 08 2003
  

       My computer recently informed me it was "now revoking last known good." That explains a lot about the state of the world, anyway.
aftagley, Apr 08 2003
  

       you made that up!   

       I love this. its like a snapshot of history somehow.   

       AA - send a pic of you with afro - pretty please...
po, Apr 08 2003
  

       Haiku error messages relinked, since the first link went away.
DrCurry, Apr 08 2003
  

       I hate it when posts go away.
1kester, Apr 08 2003
  

       STFU: Literally; "Stuff You"   

       (This is lore from the band STFU - people did origionally think that it stood for "Shut The [F**k] Up", but that was not the case.)   

       However, that being said; it may /now/ mean the latter.
JackandJohn, Apr 08 2003
  

       I agree. Its just bad poetry.
energy guy, Aug 26 2004
  

       Advert?
bristolz, Aug 26 2004
  

       Got it from a friend... On him you can depend... I found out in the end... It was a piece of crap - NEIL YOUNG
Nontaigne, Aug 26 2004
  
      
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