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You Fire Rockets, We Fire Farts

  (+5, -1)
(+5, -1)
  [vote for,

When Hamas fires their puny rockets at Israel (most of which are intercepted and therefore not much of a threat), Israel should respond by targeting the launch points for attack by an entirely more imaginative weapon. Instead of Shock and Awe, they should be using the "You Fire Rockets, We Fire Farts" strategic response protocol.

Buildings struck as a consequence of the "You Fire Rockets, We Fire Farts" response would find themselves totally splattered and showered with multi-coloured paint, and all kinds of sparkles. At night, the paint would become day-glow. Girly perfume bombs would be used to saturate terror suspect households, along with their vicinities.

Other projectiles would burst open in the rocket launch neighbourhoods to deliver clown outfits; party hats; frilly underwear; balloons, and footballs with funny jokes on them. Loud recordings of "The Laughing Policeman" (appropriately translated) would fill the air instead of the sound of gunfire and explosions.

It's not much fun seeing your home reduced to rubble and people torn apart by high explosives, and it creates another generation of pain, hatred and anger. Violence only provides the impetus for more violence, but there is no defence against humour, and it can always claim a higher moral ground.

Works best when deployed by both sets of belligerents.

xenzag, Aug 02 2014

the beautiful area around Gaza https://www.youtube...watch?v=zqonroORsSA
In the past part of Egypt, but they don't want the "headache" [pashute, Aug 03 2014]

Woops France 24 unwillingly acknowledges... https://www.youtube...watch?v=GSDF8UM1ofY
[pashute, Aug 03 2014]

Beautiful warfare Back to the original and nicer idea [pashute, Aug 03 2014]

"We have children of our own. We know not to shoot innocent people" https://www.youtube...watch?v=2s9jnfwj1s8
"And have not one single case of shooting an innocent person..." [pashute, Aug 03 2014]

Hillary https://www.youtube...watch?v=EdeYp6PzH6U
[pashute, Aug 03 2014]

Filistinians Liesten https://www.youtube...watch?v=zBjTuf5wrM8
We fite Gazah. We shute gaza. Israeel strong! Gazah week! [pashute, Aug 03 2014]

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       I don't support Israel's punitive measured but it's odd they're not more effective. Is Hamas that good at disguising its activities?
Voice, Aug 02 2014

       I'm bunning this for one reason. To not bun this would be to say "No, there's a better way to mid east peace." and clearly, there is not.   

       I think this would be just as effective or more than anything that's been done previously.
doctorremulac3, Aug 03 2014

       I find your proposal to use nuclear weapons disturbing. Would you say "nuke Mecca" with the same relish? How about your own country's capital?
Voice, Aug 03 2014

       [bigsleep] Israel is not on an "extermination" spree of anybody. We hardly entered the Gaza strip or Gaza city at all. The incursion has been only into Sagaeia which is a single neighborhood alongside the border in the center of the strip. The whole seaside and center of Gaza city has not been touched from the ground, and targets were only Hamas military headcourters, or locations of missile stashes, cave entrances or launch areas. (google for France 24 correspondent caught near Hamas rockets) The cities of Bet Hanoun and Rafiah have not been touched. Bet Lahia, Jibalya have never been touched. Israel had built a field hospital for the population and has been careful to warn the population in advance of any attacks. You can watch the people not scared gathering in the streets to watch the Israeli retaliation or operation, and then when there's an explosion too close they all run for a second for cover, knowing that they the civilians are not the target and just getting away from the dibree.   

       During each and every humanitarian cease fire, one sided by Israel, tons of food and medicine have been let into Gaza. Including aid from countries like Turkey who are at enmity with Israel. These reached Gaza through Israel's Ashdod port.   

       Just as an aside, the Jews of Gaza have been expelled in 1929. The Christians of Gaza were expelled mostly after the Israeli exit in 2005. Speaking about ethnic and religious cleansing... (Oh yes, and the throwing of the PLO guys off the roofs and murdering the wedding procession is nothing to do with belief or ethnicity...)   

       Our government has decided NOT to take over Gaza for any reason whatsoever, and particularly NOT for exterminating the population. This is a false accusation and a blood libel.   

       And to the topic of this idea: Missiles DO harm:
* This week 77 year old man mortally wounded in Eshkol.
* Three weeks ago: Bedouin family killed by direct hit of rocket on house in the Negev.
* Ashkelon Kindergarden hit and demolished just as children were out in recess.
* Two weeks ago: Man wounded badly (meaning lost some part of the body) in Ashdod gas station.
* 80 year old woman wounded in her home in Beer Sheva from direct hit on her building.

* 14 year old Arab boy killed by anti tank missile shot at him when joining his father's work on border fence. * 14 year old boy from my town killed by anti tank missile shot at school bus when he joined his grandfather driving the bus, after the kids where let off just before

       So yes, the missiles do hit sometimes and kill.   

       In any case, the "defense only" way of thinking cannot work, because they are constantly checking what works and how to "improve". In the nearby (to my town) Haella junction last week a car filled with gas canisters each with a detonation fuse, was stopped by a bold Israeli soldier jumping into the car and taking over the driver. The terrorist was arrested.   

       The only that can work is to change their mindset. See the link and perhaps have the Gazan's discover what a beautiful place they can turn their city into with the 5 billion dollars that Ismail Haniya received.
pashute, Aug 03 2014

       Humour is still a better weapon than anything used by either side.
xenzag, Aug 03 2014

pashute, Aug 03 2014

       At 100 people a day dying [bigsleep], it would take 165 years -- yes years -- to equal the total of what was done to the Jewish people, with not just the approval but participation of movements that gave birth the the range of political parties Hamas is part of .   

       That's statistics, and that's extermination.   

       This is a conflict, an asymmetric one, by its nature -- but no one whose life is not immediately affected by it is fully qualified to judge. One often gets the feeling that some people would prefer that the Hamas rockets destroy an apartment building or two with a few hundred people, so if feels more even.   

       Or want the blocade lifted, even though the Israelis would have to go back to a bomb blowing up in a Tel Aviv restaurant every couple of weeks, like in Baghdad from now until the end of days.   

       It's convenient to want simple solutions when the biggest problems in your life are whether Domino's arrives within 30 minutes, rather than diving into a shelter in 15 seconds.   

       Why can't the Israelis just take the bombardment, it's not like anyone is dying. Or move to Florida or something, they have sand too. Or Arizona. It's just so damned inconvenient to have to look at those pictures of people dying. Get over yourself.
theircompetitor, Aug 03 2014

rcarty, Aug 03 2014

       //Why can't the Israelis just take the bombardment?// - this is my exact point. Assume the high moral ground, and fire paint bombs in response. There is nothing quite like humour and ridicule. Hamas are a disgusting organisation, so why elevate them to being an equal? It's a bit like a child throwing stones at cars, so you respond with rifle fire into their playgrounds, where the bad children are mixed in with the non-participants.
xenzag, Aug 03 2014

       [bigsleep] -- that would work if we had a working Security Council. But we don't, because Russia refuses to see the world the same way.
theircompetitor, Aug 03 2014

       //the nature of the world is the same everywhere//   

       I don't believe that's true. It implies that people everywhere really just want a nice house with a flatscreen TV and deliverable pizza. I think there are large chunks of humanity who have beliefs that override those material desires, strange though that seems to most of us.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 03 2014

       Well said, Mr. B. Well said.
blissmiss, Aug 03 2014

       Thank you. I also believe that these people need to be found and dealt with.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 03 2014

       Well said, Mr. B. Well said.
theircompetitor, Aug 03 2014

       Remind me to surround myself with more people like [theircom] and [blissmiss].
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 03 2014

       What [Hillary] said.
pashute, Aug 03 2014

       Ha, funniest thing I've read all day. Ha!
blissmiss, Aug 03 2014

       Yes it is toady, but also it is not impressive to be influenced by propaganda and to make propaganda. That it what every anti-imperialist has to be aware of, that they are not more naive than the imperialist mindset. It seems from your statements that you may be acting more naive and trying to appeal to the more naive. An anti- imperialist must not be deceived by any who tries to take over any minds. Of course it seems to me that Israel is a very small place for Jews to live in their homeland. So it seems most of the conflict is about that afront, that rejection even by the Palestinian people. The world power that supports them sadly is the scope of the conflict, so it's a combination of things Israel's done with blockades and settlements, and what British and American imperialists have done, and how that power is an afront to Islam. If the conflict ever gets reduced down to just Israelis and Palestinians then it will be solvable, but as long as it remains a holdout in a long term conflict of 'clashing civilizations', or global powers, then I'm going to look at all the information as propaganda and just wonder why Jews can't live in their homeland. Is is about who the truest holy land people are, and by virtue of that truthiness more righteous in conflict? I thought Apartheid was a good argument because world power was still aligned with that thought when international delineations of Israeli Palestinian territory were drawn up. When in 1950 the General Assembly noted racial segregation was necessarily based on the doctrines of racial discrimination. So it wouldn't hurt to revisit old history even in the establishment of Israel where an inter-racial conflict may be embedded as a result of a very dominant and very religious intellectual force at the time.
rcarty, Aug 03 2014

       //nice house with a flatscreen TV and deliverable pizza   

       I'd settle for a crap house, no pizza and no TV if I get a crack team of shadow-puppet operators who'd do the Matrix or something like that every night....get wiggling them sticks guys..   

       *on a real note current shared dwelling is about 34 degrees every day, and more wildlife (in the form of cockroaches and mosquitoes) than a medium sized zoo.   

       //Apartheid was a good argument   

       cuts to the joke that is so old it was originally written on papyrus....it concerns the anti-apartheid activist in the laundrette, wondering if it's right to separate the whites from the coloureds...
not_morrison_rm, Aug 03 2014

       I would think 2000 of any old years would delegitimize a people's claim, but since its 2014 within their same epoch where most of the history has been characterized by some relation to that same holy land, I would say no it's not stretching it. And yes I am an atheist so I don't find meaning in those religions, but Judaism is not an expansionist religion, so I find it least threatening of Christianity (all branches) and Islam (all branches), of all branches of Abrahamic.
rcarty, Aug 04 2014

       — rcarty   

       Give any religious, racial, or nationalistic society of nutcase a inch, and they will take a mile. Jew, Muslim, Christian, etc... whatever.   

       Being able claim anything based on 2000 years old evidence sets a bad international legal precedence, let alone within any nation, which is why many nations have adverse possession laws.   

       — bigsleep   

       Agreed. Pass the popcorn. Just make sure we are not funding any side.
mofosyne, Aug 04 2014


       " I should have posted the rant as a separate idea "
normzone, Aug 04 2014


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