Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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b-o-r-g bait

  [vote for,

Right, here's my go.

Because I love cats so much, you know our feline friends who are just so cute and adorable!!! I am proposing a method to slightly resequence my own DNA (in the junk bits) so as to include pics of cuddly, cute kittens.

Probably AGCT is some going to give lousy kind of greyscale, but the creator couldn't think of everything.

//Working on the basis that you can say b-a-t-h and the dog won't do a runner, I'm guessing that the b-o-r-g won't cotton on to this one...

not_morrison_rm, Jul 09 2013

such a cute kitten!!!! http://upload.wikim...Turkish_Van_Cat.jpg
[not_morrison_rm, Jul 09 2013]

Or this one! http://4.bp.blogspo...llpaper-782249.jpeg
[lurch, Jul 10 2013]

a genuine photo of the Borg http://www.mensfitn...mf/209828/15546.jpg
[not_morrison_rm, Jul 10 2013]

Scottish kitten https://i.chzbgr.co...78730496/hA416DBA8/
[pocmloc, Jul 13 2013]


       Actually, you could do better than that. Just encode a complete cat in your junk DNA.   

       OK, a complete cat would be pushing it. But, for example, the complete genome of the pufferfish, Fugu, could be comfortably encoded in your junk DNA. You could become a walking menagerie!
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 09 2013

       Who would want to be a were-tabby? I don't like fish that much and a tendency to lick own bottom is hardly going to please descendants.
not_morrison_rm, Jul 09 2013

       The idea of interstitial genomes has many possibilities waiting to go unexplored.   

       Concerned about the fate of Partula snails? Have a couple embedded in your children's genomes!   

       Fancy giving your great-great grandchildren the opportunity to become international terrorists? Give your kids the Yersinia genome as a family heirloom!   

       Actually, I am now itching to create a spoof website, offering (via IVF and bit of GM magic) to encode poems, photographs or favourite pets in your children's genomes. My guess is that I'll get as many enquiries as complaints.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 09 2013

       What's my percentage again?   

       Of course I will spend it all on adorable, fluffy kittens and cat rescue centres and Hello Kitty crap,   

       Ohh, cats are so wonderful :-)
not_morrison_rm, Jul 09 2013

       //Whats the capacity ? Could it do e.g. the 16K ROM from a zx81 ?//   

       This has been done. The Sanger Centre recently encoded a bunch of stuff (I believe there were a couple of books, some pictures, and some digitized music) in a piece of synthetic DNA and showed that it could be decoded faithfully.   

       As for the capacity of the human genome... well, nobody knows for sure how much 'junk' DNA is actually 'junk' (but, for the record, most of your three billion basepairs have no known function).   

       Very conservatively, you could probably add a few tens of megabases of DNA here and there without doing any harm, although it might take a bit of trial and error. Since one basepair is two bits, and the ZX81 uses 8bit bytes, you could certainly put 10 megabytes of data in there. You'd probably want some redundancy against mutational errors, so maybe halve that number.   

       In fact, you could probably put a 16K into your mitochondria. They are a bit flakey when it comes to their DNA, so it would bring back those fond memories of wobbly RAM packs.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 09 2013

       That's what I was thinking of in my anno above. It really would make a spiffing website. Photographs of a pearly-toothed couple looking adoringly at their baby: "She's got her Grandma's smile, her daddy's nose, and her mommy's favourite Eminem lyrics."
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 09 2013

       this will only end in tears...
po, Jul 09 2013

       You're in luck, [po]! As an introductory offer, we can write the short motto of your choice in your daughter*-to-be's mitochondrial DNA for a never-to- be-repeated price of Gz999.99 per character!   

       "this will only end in tears" can become your family's heirloom for just Gz26,999.73!! (Local taxes apply.)   

       *this service is not available for male children.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 09 2013

       If we work it right, we can include an inducible recombinase that could - for a fee - splice out the offending phrase in the event of religious conversion.   

       Hey! We can market it as a security feature too! Imagine your child is snatched at a young age. Decades later, the child discovers that its 'parents' are, in fact, its kidnappers. But how to find its true parents?? A quick visit to a sequencing centre reveals its parent's names and address! RFIDNA!!
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 09 2013

       //Is there any danger with this messing about with DNA...?// None whatsoeveratall. It's all perfectly, perfectly safe. DNA has been extensively tested in animals.   

       However, we are working on the native interfacing.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 09 2013

       [bigs], you are not taking this seriously.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 09 2013

       I have it (but I'm taking antibiotics, so that's ok).   

       AGCT can be black/white/grey and pink for the cute ribbons.   

       Considering redoing nyan nyan cat as "borg, borg, borg, borg..." etc, but currently too bone idle.   

       "most of your three billion basepairs have no known function" erm, shouldn't that be "most of our.."
not_morrison_rm, Jul 10 2013

       There is, of course, a difference between "have no known function" and "are known to have no function" (see appendix).   

       (Obligatory) <borg> All your basepairs are belong to us. </borg>.
spidermother, Jul 10 2013

       Well, could we just do a rota until the borg returns, I can do first Friday of the month.
not_morrison_rm, Jul 10 2013

       Luckily, there's a rota orientated summonning incantation:   


       It's even vaguely cat related.
spidermother, Jul 10 2013

       A portable hard-drive with the following features: write once; read many; trillions of auto back-up copies; self correcting, except when modified by a virus, and a very slow serial interface.
Ling, Jul 10 2013

       //a very slow serial interface//   

       Or a respectable parallel one (input = 3x10^9bp, output = alpaca).
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 10 2013

       // It's even vaguely cat related. //   

       I can only find one first-degree relation. How many am I missing?
Alterother, Jul 10 2013

       // a redundant array of quantum nematodes//   

       Ah - you've worked in a call centre, then?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 10 2013

       Really good sequencing could make involuntary muscle movements, such as in the intestines. So, everytime the individual has a pen in hand, it inexplicably draws a kitten...   

       A second involuntary program might include the puzzling habit of purchasing mail order kittens.   

       Come on then, Borg, watch-out, or the DNA gets it!
Ling, Jul 10 2013

       I know this idea has some obvious flaw, but use a pilot as the black box, recording the flight data onto the junk dna.   

       // Really good sequencing could make involuntary muscle movements...   

       I was pondering something similar, getting sponsorship to cover research costs, for example, the sequencee might subconsciously say "do, do, do, doo, do, do, I'm loving it" on the hour and the half hour.
not_morrison_rm, Jul 11 2013

       I'm getting worried, anybody heard from 8th of 7? He hasn't gone for this Borg bait or any other post recently.   

       Hey 8, furry cuddly kitties here. All purry and warm! I think everybody should be required to carry a kitten with them at all times under penalty of law. Any thoughts?   

       You out there 8?
doctorremulac3, Jul 11 2013

       Hmm, without wishing to be excessively paranoid, the borg do assimilate and who is to say one of us here (gulps) may be the borg and not consciously know it?   

       Think, have you recently taken a dislike to cats, an interest in large calibre weapons, or woken up holding a plastic explosives brochure and not know how you got it?
not_morrison_rm, Jul 11 2013

       I'm just trying to avoid the bit where the last two halfbakers face off in some burnt out Arctic base as the snow falls....   

       I can only recommend that we go around in pairs from now on.
not_morrison_rm, Jul 11 2013

       // I'm getting worried, anybody heard from 8th of 7? // He will be returning shortly.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 11 2013

       Crap. Let me know when so I can delete this. The second coming of the Borg, will there be rapture and all that kind of stuff?
not_morrison_rm, Jul 11 2013

       No, what will really freak them out is when they discover that the human genome is encoded in the digits of pi.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 11 2013

       Because the series is infinite, then not only is it possible that one genome is encoded, but all possible genomes are encoded...including variations of MB and even a borg that cuddles kittens.
Ling, Jul 11 2013

       And an entire population of kittens that habitually use networked computers to view and share photographs of overweight middle-aged hominids.
pocmloc, Jul 12 2013

       One can't properly speak of 'the' digits of pi without specifying a base. Base 10 digits can't be encoded properly in standard Earth DNA, but any base that's a power of 2 can. Base 4, obviously, gives the neatest fit.
spidermother, Jul 12 2013

       According the news on Radio 4, the British Government has just banned cats.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 12 2013

       Apparently the problem is that people chew them and get high.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 12 2013

       Typical, won't able to smoke gorillas next. Health and safety gone mad.
not_morrison_rm, Jul 12 2013

       Shape seems quite important in all facets of nature, whether defined as junk or not.
wjt, Jul 13 2013

       //I think you're thinking of toads and its licking not chewing.//   

       I think it's extremely unlikely that a toad could either lick or chew a cat. They're just not big enough.   

       However, on further research it appears that the ban only applies to cats spelled "khat".
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 13 2013

       Quite possibly.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 13 2013

       A cat is too small for a toad to lick - I know cartoon frogs have very long tongues but I still don't quite follow this. Can you quantify please?
pocmloc, Jul 13 2013

       Perhaps cats are bigger where you live.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 13 2013

       Mmm, some kind of lensing due to the gravitational field caused by the mountains up north? Though that would make everything appear larger so kittens would appear normal size...
pocmloc, Jul 13 2013

       // You out there 8? //   

       No. We're in here ... behind you. Raise your hands and turn around slowly.   

       // won't able to smoke gorillas next. //   

       Gorrillas are too strong ... try baboons, they're milder.
8th of 7, Jul 16 2013

       It worked! S/he/it's here! Close the hatch, emergency roll, flaps at 30 degrees, pull the fire alarm, translate negative Z axis 10,000 meters, Wagner at full on all internal speakers, full ultraviolet illumination, inflate emergency goggles, doff tea-cozies!   

       Now what do we do?
lurch, Jul 16 2013

       We suggest, "Assume the position …"   

       But you knew that, didn't you …?
8th of 7, Jul 16 2013

       Er, er, er someone must have hacked my account and posted this...yes, yes, that's it...
not_morrison_rm, Jul 16 2013


       I am sure you will have a lot of explaining to do regarding your absence without leave. But before the heavies get here, perhaps you'd care to explain why you found yourself at gunpoint? Moreover, what on earth persuaded him/her not to pull the trigger?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 16 2013

       We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you.   

       Not that we have a problem with that, you understand.
8th of 7, Jul 16 2013

       Trust me, you're too late.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 16 2013


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