h a l f b a k e r y
The word "How?" springs to mind at this point.
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A proposal for a lightly armored inflatable suit that your best friend can slip into and be turned into a symbiotic weapon.
In goes Fido, inflate. Grab him (or her, Fidette) by the back paws and swing in a circle. Whomp ! Woof. Bonk! Arf.
Perhaps the mentioned canine can get in a few paw shots
of it's own and a good bit of doggy drool would add a little (insult+injury).
guaranteed to take out your favorite curmudgeon anywhere.