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unbeddable fortune cookies

Fortunes that resist being augmented in bed.
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The addition of "in bed" to the end of fortune cookie fortunes is a game I enjoy, but I once got the fortune "You are kind to your friends but keep your family first"

eeew...

But it was fun, so I've been thinking of other straight-up fortunes that become especially perverse when inbedded.

djymm, Apr 07 2001

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       Always thought that was a goofy thing, but the local Chinese places' cookies are so lame lately that even that can't save them, so it's sort of baked...
StarChaser, Apr 07 2001
  

       Fortunes are the only thing I collect. I've saved every one I've ever opened, except one. I put it in the door chain receiver post of the front door of a former apartment and left it for the next tenant... "Someone is watching you"
thumbwax, Apr 07 2001
  

       I *prefer* those fortunes which become perverse when inbedded. My favorites:   

       "You are your own best friend."
"Your family loves you."
"You have a way with animals."
"Chinese food is fun and healthy."
  

       Rather, I think we need *more* blush-inducing fortunes.
Uncle Nutsy, Apr 07 2001
  

       "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously"
jutta, Apr 07 2001
  

       "You will come into money" "When you are loved nothing is hard"   

       family, animals, and money are the kickers here.
djymm, Apr 08 2001
  

       Just last night, I got a fortune that said "All that your hands touch are brought luck." Is that a shot AT me or FOR me?
AfroAssault, Oct 11 2001
  

       Uncle Nutsy: Thanks for the first ever annotation on 1/2B that's made me laugh out loud (the animals part).   

       Unfortunately, I'm in a lab reading this, so everyone's giving me strange looks, and thinking I find Haskell programming funny
CoolerKing, Oct 11 2001
  

       An old friend of mine once related this story, and swore it was true:   

       He was in New York City one night, eating at a Chinese restaurant. It had been a banner bad day, as his girlfriend had unceremoniously dumped him just hours before ... and now, he'd discovered that there were tiny bugs in his rice. He got his fortune cookie, and opened it.   

       The fortune read, "Just give up".   

       (Paul, if you're out there ... please forgive me for relating your bad-day story. I try to only borrow your powers in cases where they'll help others.)
1percent, Oct 12 2001
  

       That fortune cookie must have been sponsored by Nike's competitors.
AfroAssault, Oct 12 2001
  

       "Act boldly, lest others think you sheepish"
daruma, Oct 12 2001
  

       On the other hand, if inbedding is an issue then one could play it straight:   

       You sleep a lot   

       You will die   

       You will enjoy your next lie-in   

       Try not to wee   

       You are tallest in the morning because your spine expands while you lie down
Loris, Nov 22 2010
  

       I recently got "You will soon reconcile with an old friend."
DrWorm, Nov 25 2010
  
      
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