Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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A tale of 1.5 bananas

  [vote for,

If you are sitting comfortably,I will begin.

It is a story of two apes, let's call them Ook and Eek. They are working on a terrible outbreak on the banana plantations.

Ook, the diligent one, spots Eek the lazy bugger, only giving half a banana to volunteer ape.

Castigating Eek, Ook gave the volunteer ape a whole banana....

not_morrison_rm, Nov 25 2020


       What is the name of the volunteer?
pocmloc, Nov 25 2020

       This is clearly a allegory.   

       You don't get allegories in banana plantations, they live in rivers and swamps; and they're carnivores, not vegetarians.
8th of 7, Nov 25 2020

       The unnamed ape is up by 1.5 bananas; successfully playing Ook and Eek against one another should have him owning the plantation by week's end.
whatrock, Nov 25 2020

       The third ape is not unnamed, we merely have not yet been told what the name of that ape is.
pocmloc, Nov 25 2020

       Who knew, huh ? Well, we don't pay attention to stuff that happens south of the Manson-Nixon line ...
8th of 7, Nov 25 2020

       Tch, everyone's a critic   

       //volunteer ape   

       Sorry but the apes wish to be anonymous, remember how China's Linlin's demands for doubling the supply of bamboo went down..
not_morrison_rm, Nov 25 2020

       I'm not! I only asked a question which you have so far failed to answer.
pocmloc, Nov 25 2020

hippo, Nov 25 2020

       Do you mean "What is the name humans have given to the volunteer ?" or "What is the name the volunteer calls itself ?" ?   

       Apes can make a wide range of vocalizations and are self-aware*. There's some evidence that some of these vocalizations are related to identity, and recognition between individuals. Since sheep can recognize the bleat of their own lambs, it's not unreasonable that apes could be capable of similar recognition - mother/child would be evolutionarily advantageous. Research is, we understand, continuing.   

       *The genetic differences between some species of higher primates and humans have been shown to be very small. In some cases, the difference is sufficiently small that there is a significant amount of "overlap", meaning that a proportion of hairy, grunting, mouth-breathing hominids with long arms, receding foreheads, pronounced eyebrow ridges and prognathous jaws are actually measurably less intelligent and articulate than, for example, chimpanzees. However, they still integrate acceptably well into society, and indeed receive lavish remuneration and public adulation particularly when their team wins the Stanley Cup ...
8th of 7, Nov 25 2020

       [8of] knows a LOT about apes.   

       If you ever see him without his faded hand-me-down No. 13 dress outfit, you will understand just how narrow is the gap between the great apes and humanity.
UnaBubba, Nov 29 2020

       The category is "science: health: immunization".   

       The idea, however, is not for an immunization. The idea is a trap for half-bakers, who are trying to find coherent meaning where there isn't any. It's a sort of koan.   

       I shall answer it by making a cheese omelette, then getting on with some work.
pertinax, Nov 30 2020

       Exactly, but...   

       ...what is the terrible outbreak on the banana plantations?   

       Covid reference maybe?   

       You can't make a cheese omelette without breaking wind.
pocmloc, Nov 30 2020

       That wasn't me, that was the ape; the one who prefers to remain anonymous.
pertinax, Nov 30 2020

       //what is the terrible outbreak on the banana plantations?//   

       If your banana plantation is full of apes, what you have is a terrible break-in. Any medical problems the bananas may have will be irrelevant if the apes just eat them all.   

       Luckily we have the names of two of them, and I'm sure the security cams, and some Chinese software, will soon identify the third one for us.
pertinax, Nov 30 2020

       The third one is Harry Lime, shirley ?
8th of 7, Nov 30 2020

       I've not had any sort of banana outbreak or ape outbreak or such. But I have heard of a hovercraft full of eels, which is about as sensible as this presumed rant seems to be.
RayfordSteele, Nov 30 2020

       //I've not had any sort of banana outbreak or ape outbreak or such. But I have heard of a hovercraft full of eels,//   


       Yes, it's a bit lengthy, but it made me chuckle.   

       // it's a bit lengthy //   

       Long enough to be a record.   

       But don't buy it; it's scratched.
8th of 7, Dec 01 2020

       Better than being itchy.   

       [nmr] has made the ape working stock options' day and he/she/it laughs. The skinny one, without a corner and too focused to care, is pathologically trying to give bananas up.
wjt, Dec 01 2020

       OK lets try a different tack. Does its name begin with the letter A?
pocmloc, Dec 01 2020

       [8th] genuinely made me laugh. This time with him.
4and20, Dec 03 2020


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