Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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Adjustable Penis Nozzle

Fine jet or spray.
  (+5, -1)
(+5, -1)
  [vote for,

It occured to me the other day while at the urinal, whilst trying to eliminate someone elses attempt at writing their name on the stainless steel that it would be quite handy to be able give the old end of your knob a twist and set it to spray so you could cover a greater surface area.... Excellent for watering the lemon tree after too many ales, or by setting it to jet so you could achieve greater distance for pissing off the balcony..

Apon discussion with my work partner he suggested if you could get it down to one micron wide stream you may be able to use the pressure to cut through things, especially handy for the pesky Maguiver moments...

Supercruiser, Nov 19 2002

Ball cocks http://www.exform.ru/eng.asp?ghk
Just seemed appropriate. [Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004]

Nozzles. http://www.hosexpre...en/gardenaccess.htm
The plumbing of inspiration. [Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004]


       You've gotta be taking the piss.
skinflaps, Nov 19 2002

       Man, the back pressure would have your teeth floating in no time.   

       Maybe if you installed a bulb pump or two hanging underneath.
FarmerJohn, Nov 20 2002

       Knock one up with a WUL bottle and some gaffer tape, let us know how you get on.
egbert, Nov 20 2002

       Ladies, look away now.   

       The duastream effect can be achieved through poor post-masturbatory hygiene. I am told.
General Washington, Nov 20 2002

       While reading this idea, nature decided to ring me. So I took an outing for a bit of experimentation.   

       In short, ouch. (-)
absterge, Nov 20 2002

       Did you puke it as a fine jet or a spray?
FarmerJohn, Nov 20 2002

       Hmmm.....Adjustable Puke Nozzle? No way, I'm not posting that.
krelnik, Nov 20 2002

       I found some useful advice for you from the local garden centre //To ensure hose hook-ups are hassle free, try using the ‘quick disconnect adaptors’ designed to use with your garden hoses and accessories at home. Place one adaptor end on your unit and add the other part on your hose --- ‘click and you’re connected’// they stock a variety of nozzles for different type of sprays.
po, Nov 20 2002

       don't be a silly UB, its not for the garden - its to achieve the effect that [supercruiser] wants.
po, Nov 20 2002

       you can do it without artificial aid?
po, Nov 20 2002

       This device would give some added dimensions to lovemaking.
FarmerJohn, Nov 20 2002

       obligatory - is that a hose clip or are you pleased....
po, Nov 20 2002

       A brass nozzle to go along with your brass balls?
senatorjam, Nov 20 2002

       I didn't intend for the adjustable penis nozzle to be an add-on, you are actually born like that...
Supercruiser, Nov 20 2002

       IV, if I had a real medical emergency I think I would look to you rather than the faux doctors around this place :)   

       but what do you read for fun?
po, Nov 21 2002

       Drink 8 litres of soda and jump up and down for a couple of hours.
skinflaps, Nov 21 2002

       Get a foreskin.
snarfyguy, Nov 21 2002

       Suggested warning label: >br> Do not aim upwind.   

       Hey,iv'e just written my name in the snow..5 feet deep.
skinflaps, Nov 22 2002

       IV, try "Trepanation for Beginners" - excellent.
po, Nov 22 2002

       drill enough and you could have a game of cribbage on a slow day in casualty...
po, Nov 22 2002

       I usually drill 3 holes in shape of a triangle with an *acorn* bit in @ 2" outer measure with the pedal to the metal - really should change that rusty blade on the jigsaw though...
thumbwax, Nov 22 2002

       I give it a + just for the humor in the string that followed.
sartep, May 05 2003

       I was explaining this idea to someone at work the other day and they thought I was talking bollocks, then I pointed them to the bakery and wallah!.. adjust away...   

       ps: as I am getting lazy in my old age I was wondering if I could get my nozzles set to just 4 easy settings...
Supercruiser, Oct 03 2007

       I really want to know what the spray nozzle is used......
punk_punker, Oct 03 2007

       //you are actually born like that//   

       ouch, who delivered you, Osama Bin Laden? This seems more realistic as an add-on (temporary or surgically attached.)
Shadow Phoenix, Oct 03 2007


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