Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Crotch Blinders™

Keep your privates hidden while relieving youself!
  (+8, -3)
(+8, -3)
  [vote for,
against]

One thing that I don't like about public restrooms that have a large number of urinals is that most of them don't have partition walls that separate them. Most office buildings have the partitions but places like rest stops, airports, etc. have open urinals that let the whole world see what you are doing! This presents a couple of problems for me- First of all, I don't want someone looking down and gawking in amazement at how the cold weather temporarily shrinked my equipment. Likewise, I don't want to see someone's anaconda in my peripheral vision while I am trying to handle my own business. Too often I end up accidentally looking in the wrong direction and having an image burned into my head that I can't get out for the next 3 hours or so.

Secondly, I don't want another man's splashback to end up on my shoes. It's bad enough that I have to walk through substances that were left over from other guys who had poor aim. I certainly don't want to go into an important business meeting with raindrops on my shoes when it's a sunny day outside.

So I have decided to invent Crotch Blinders™ which you put on like a pair of shorts over your normal clothes but then you pull out the velcro flaps giving you a temporary curtain of privacy on either side. It does not quite solve the problem of pee on your shoe or being blind-sided by another man's privates but at least yours are protected.

Jscotty, May 19 2009

In a similar vein... Heterosexual_20male...assurance_20gesture
One might think we've only just touched the tip... [daseva, May 20 2009]

[link]






       But what about the fellows that are taller than you are? You'll need a top to the blinder-sides to block their view.   

       And now you can't see it yourself, so you'll need to include a strap-on aiming device that sticks out of the enclosure to guide your aim.   

       Optional upgrades to laser sights might be a big seller.
normzone, May 19 2009
  

       //But what about the fellows that are taller than you are?//   

       I never thought of that being that I am taller than most people I know. Perhaps the flaps can go as high as the torso, which would block the view from everyone else (unless they are looking over your shoulder).
Jscotty, May 19 2009
  

       It's OK, but i would actually like something like incredibly powerful spotlights inside my underwear which render my penis so dazzlingly luminous that it hurts people's eyes to gaze upon it. Or maybe it should just drop off unexpectedly when someone looks at it.
nineteenthly, May 19 2009
  

       Just having returned from conducting some research, I'm dismayed to report that sales of the laser sighting system will not be all that I'd expected.   

       Research indicates that over the duration of any given urinal event, there are fluctuations in angle of attack and flow rate, as well as the occasional start-and-stop, resulting in target delivery variations that a static laser sighting system would not be able to take into account.   

       The only solution I can think of would be a non-cost-effective system of optical tracking, rapid processing and reporting capability that would not be marketable at the cost required for materials and marketing.
normzone, May 19 2009
  

       //I'm dismayed to report that sales of the laser sighting system will not be all that I'd expected//   

       That's just defeatist bullshit not worthy of this site.   

       Pressure and flow information from a sensor mounted at the tip of your penis can be processed together with the results of an optical rangefinder and those of two inclinometers mounted on the shaft of the penis. I envision a reticulated or multi-point rangefinder so that the system can establish the distance and profile of the urinal.   

       Once you know the flow's pressure, rate and direction, as well as the distance and profile of the target, you can very easily calculate the impact point. A laser, mounted on your belt buckle can then be used to mark the spot (I suggest [MikeD]'s Peace-Sign scope).
methinksnot, May 19 2009
  

       Well, I'd be the first to admit that your math(s) might be better than mine. We're not talking about size, mind you. And I've yet to see a project proposal that costs out the prototype.
normzone, May 19 2009
  

       When I was mobilized for my first deployment, my company shared an open bay style latrine with the cavalry scouts. We put giant cardboard boxes around the toilets for privacy but it still didn't keep those peter-gazing cav-scouts from peeking over the edge.   

       Regardless of the bun I am giving to your idea, I find this so homophobic that I suggest you do some introspection and discover what it is that truly makes you happy.   

       Thanks for the plug, [methinksnot]!
MikeD, May 20 2009
  

       I'm not worried about the homos seeing my equipment. It's the creepy straight guys that worry me with their strange looks.
Jscotty, May 20 2009
  

       That guy with the periscope at the mall creeps me out.   

       The curtains should be adorned with the word "Censored" in large white block letters ... Or gay-porn website advertisements.
MikeD, May 20 2009
  

       + (can women vote for this idea?) You had me laughing out loud, you poor guys!!
xandram, May 20 2009
  

       /I don't want to see someone's anaconda in my peripheral vision/   

       Your invention does not address this aspect of the issue. Either your CBs are handed out at the door such that all entering are duly concealed, or you will need a second set of blinders for your head to constrain your own roving eyes.   

       / I don't want another man's splashback to end up on my shoes./   

       As you note, this aspect as also unaddressed. A third set of blinders for your shoes would solve this. Preferably these would be disposable.   

       Or consider: one could get all three of the above with head to toe blinders. These might be mounted on the belt bilaterally and extend as short broad fans, going up bast the eyes and down to the floor. Perhaps images of beautiful girls might adorn the outsides, to insure that only those with the correct inclinations look at you. Girls could be on the inside too for your own entertainment. Girls, I say. The female type.
bungston, May 20 2009
  

       /It's the creepy straight guys that worry me with their strange looks./   

       I was just wondering if it hurt to get that tattoo.
bungston, May 20 2009
  

       //I was just wondering if it hurt to get that tattoo.//   

       Like the dickens.
MikeD, May 21 2009
  

       //one could get all three of the above with head to toe blinders.//   

       That with a back panel for those guys who drop their pants all the way down to the floor because they can't hold on to their wiener at the same time.
Jscotty, May 21 2009
  

       There should be a set of full body bags that you just get naked and climb into and start peeing. You know, for the really bad idiots! Not me... <darts glances checking for suspicion>
daseva, May 21 2009
  

       Was that YOU at the bus station the other day standing in that trash bag?
Jscotty, May 22 2009
  

       The blinders should play music, too. Loud and personalized. Cause guys, not me, may be fairly paranoid that one can judge the size of their junk by how much piss can come out of it at once.
daseva, May 25 2009
  

       In that particular case, size does not matter. It is a question of how much beer you've been drinking.
Jscotty, May 25 2009
  

       Indeed, [JScotty], but isn't it more important to simply curb discomfort, regardless of whether or not it's founded on realistic principles?
daseva, May 25 2009
  

       Definitely a [+], 'cause this could also be the long-awaited cure for that major "production affliction" - Bashful Bladder Syndrome! DEFINITELY a major breakthrough in BBS management, so heaps of croissants for you!
Parrotile, Dec 22 2009
  
      
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