Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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All you CAN eat

A lesson to the greedy
  (+29, -3)(+29, -3)(+29, -3)
(+29, -3)
  [vote for,

The lighting was cheerful and the price was right: An all-you-can-eat buffet for a reasonable, set price.

The emphasis on the word 'can' was a bit strange but you thought nothing of it.

You pay at the door; collect a plate; help yourself to a few dishes of lasagna and salad; make chit chat with the nice lady who is re-filling the coleslaw.

After a final trip to the chocolate mousse table, you make for the door. That's when you notice the security goons, who return you to your seat.

"Sorry, sir, it would be false advertising to let you leave having eaten 'All-that-you-want'. We've promised 'All-that-you-CAN'".

A scary-looking guy wearing a leather apron comes out with what looks like a pair of bellows filled with custard. Oh, no! Noooo!

After almost splitting your gullet and stomach with food-paste, they shove a couple of peanuts up your nose and throw you out on the street.

Why? OK, not even I know! A lesson to the greedy.

not_only_but_also, Jun 17 2005

(?) Mr. Creosote http://arago4.tn.ut...e-autumn-years.html
[Ling, Jun 17 2005]


       Would I be allowed to have a wahfer thin mint at the end?
sartep, Jun 17 2005

       Someday I see this being a parable of some variety. Nice writing style. [+]
hidden truths, Jun 17 2005

       But what if you only went in for a modest plateful? Surely this punishes the innocent with the guilty?
david_scothern, Jun 17 2005

       This is more a lesson to those who shrug off emphasising.
harderthanjesus, Jun 17 2005

       There's a sushi restaurant with the same signatural emphasis somewhere in SoHo.
zen_tom, Jun 17 2005

       The shoving of peanuts up my nose doesn't sound too pleasant, but I guess the worse that could happen is a little gas, and possibly a nap attack.
hobbitcoat, Jun 17 2005

       [david] I think the idea presumes that those who enter the establishment *think* they want all they can eat. Mere entry is enough to seal the doors and your fate. Mwa ha haaa! [+]. Also I love the attention to semantics -
<Ren of R&S>"Yoooooo should have said what you meant fatty!"
[reaches for custard bellows]</RoR&S>
DocBrown, Jun 17 2005

       The menu could list "All you want" and "All you can eat" as two separate options. I bet some people would ignorantly choose the latter.
phundug, Jun 17 2005

       Oddly enough I was eating out last night at a place who's slogan was "eat as much as you can!". Actually, there probably wasn't an exclamation mark. But the emphasis on can was there.   

       Fortunately they didn't pump custard into my stomach. Probably a lucky escape.
RobertKidney, Jun 17 2005

       This idea has a technical problem in regards to the "peristaltis" way the esophagus works. Put something in it, and it is pushed into the stomach. You can't really fill the esophagus up, because it ALWAYS tries to send its contents into the stomach. I think I've read that stomachs HAVE burst on occasion, by people eating too much. So, the problem here is there is no easy way to tell when the stomach just plain can't hold any more, even though the esophagus is empty.
Vernon, Jun 17 2005

       // I think I've read that stomachs HAVE burst on occasion,//   

       Well, of course they have, [Vernon]! Haven't you seen the Monty Python skit where the fat man explodes after forcing the final morsel down? (I forget in which of their movies it's in. The Meaning of Life?)   

       //they shove a couple of peanuts up your nose and throw you out on the street.//   

       That is the best line I've read in a long time.
Machiavelli, Jun 17 2005

       lol 10 buns for this idea? wth m8???.....croissant by the way
CombatChuck, Jun 17 2005

       [Ling] you just made me nauseous by reminding me of that scene! LOL! I feel compelled to watch that scene every time Meaning Of Life comes on television :)
phundug, Jun 17 2005

       I don't believe the stomach bursting thing... surely you would stop eating before that - there would be an enormous discomfort feeling that would make further ingestion impossible.
po, Jun 17 2005

       Speak for yourelf
The Kat, Jun 17 2005

       humans that is.
po, Jun 17 2005

DesertFox, Jun 17 2005

       Since you could no longer move, I'd suggest the spa treatment to follow: Will we have the hot towel and shave tonight, or would we prefer the hot towel and close shave?
reensure, Jun 18 2005

       [po], the main text here says you get grabbed and more is forced down the gullet. I think it was in stories of Gestapo or KGB atrocities that I read about stomachs bursting.
Vernon, Jun 18 2005

       <oblig. Simpsons reference/> Sort of like the "Hell Labs Ironic Punishment Division", where Homer is force-fed donuts (contentedly). </osr>
Adze, Jun 18 2005

       hmmmm, I suppose getting a table here is not a problem
po, Jun 18 2005

       It would probably have to be some sort of rubber table so that it could stretch away to accomodate its occupant's expanding girth.
hidden truths, Jun 18 2005

       //The shoving of peanuts up my nose doesn't sound too pleasant//   

       Oh, it could be so much worse...
Detly, Jun 18 2005

po, Jun 18 2005

       I'm sure there are folk with attention deficit disorders who would try to leave without paying.
reensure, Jun 18 2005

       Taking this idea to its (disturbing) conclusion, the management would have to feed you until you die from exhaustion, as having had food forced into you, you would then be made to bring it up again (a la Roman banquets) until you literally couldn't eat any more.
Mr Phase, Nov 27 2005

       This was an old SNL skit.
bungston, Nov 28 2005

       NO! NO! NO! Sorry, not_only_but_also, but you yourself are guilty of soft interpretation.   

       The restaurant is "all YOU can eat". What you have proposed is an "all WE can MAKE you eat" restaurant! In the correct interpretation, you must be hypnotised and forced to eat until your own, natural, inbuilt ability to consume is reached... and NO MORE!   

       A fish upon your sloppy semantics! But a bun for the concept. I neutral thee!
the_jxc, Dec 01 2005


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