Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I have a big nose which is capable of sneezing snot over quite a long distance. It doesn't fit very well inside most masks which seem to be designed for people with cute button-nosed hooters. Also as evidenced by my laptop screen I continuously emit quite a lot of spittle in the form of small droplets. I don't like full face visors because they steam up.

Because of the rise of Cor!-vid19 I am going to order a pack of fifty Anti-splashmaks™. I will upload profile and front view images of my head. A 3d-spline algorithm will fit a reasonably accurate model of my face surface to the images. A post-processor will add 10mm spacing distance perpendicular to this surface. A dynamically re-configurable vacuum or blow- moulding machine will form this surface and the resulting PET shapes will be water-jet trimmed to my preferred outline shape; in my case a clover-leaf version which rises to just below my eyes.

The Anti-splashmak™ in short is a rigid transparent mask covering the mouth and nose orifices. Saliva and snot are captured on the inside of it to be washed off later by screen wipes. Alternatively they can be loaded into the dishwasher after use. My preferred option is for yash-specs which rest on the ears and the bridge of the nose. Another version is available with an elasticated retaining strap or you may specify velcro-fixed ones. You can have plain ones with no frame or logo but at slightly extra cost I will have a small picture of the Apollo-11 LEM positioned over the side of my chin just over that unsightly brown facial blemish. Kids can have poke-yashmaks with pokemon characters emblazoned on them, or if they prefer it Peppa Pig. You yourself can have your football team's logo, your favourite marvel characters or animals- the fashion possibilities are endless. What will you put on yours? A jpeg print of your loved one?

If they don't fit properly there will be a one-month money back guarantee.

They are more socially acceptable in some social circles than the full yashmak because it's still possible to see facial expressions when they are worn. They also ventilate better than cloth which is rather unhygienic and sweaty. Believe me, when you see the splatter coating on the inside of the Anti-splashmak™ after just a couple of hours of use you will be amazed how humanity has survived for so long without this simple device. Hinged versions are available, too. (see link).

bhumphrys, Mar 22 2020

Like this for the hinged type https://images.app....l/9DKzq97K3EXysuGo8
but without the iron heeadcover obviously [bhumphrys, Mar 22 2020]

Royal Mint version https://uk.finance....Ij6cfPQsGXYWaqehYsl
Shameless of them to steal the idea.... [bhumphrys, Mar 27 2020]

This has come close https://weeklypenny...20Like&aff_unique1=
To what was in my brain [bhumphrys, Jan 10 2021]

The Scots are working on another part of the answer https://eandt.theie...ers&utm_term=818461
Poor chap's nose..... [bhumphrys, May 02 2021]


       We stopped reading most of the way through the first paragraph ... "too much information " ...
8th of 7, Mar 22 2020

       What they said ^
21 Quest, Mar 22 2020

       They ^ are just irked by the prospect that more of humanity will be saved.
bhumphrys, Mar 22 2020

       Shut up, [bh]. FAKE NEWS ! FAKE NEWS ! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM !   


       If you keep quiet, we'll deal you in on some really sweet scams we've got running... stuff that the Ferengi would call "unprincipled" ....   

8th of 7, Mar 22 2020

       Hey- ho, looks like its been baked by the royal mint (link). [8th] you must be gutted.
bhumphrys, Mar 27 2020

       Getting there (see link: weekly penny)
bhumphrys, Jan 10 2021


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