Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ape Hat Height Social Ranking Study

That hat thing again.
(+1, -1)
  [vote for,

1- Train apes to wear hats. The big furry kind that don't fly airplanes.

2- Have hats of various heights.

3- See if the height of the hats affects the social strata, specifically the ranking of the various apes in the hierarchy.

4- For instance, take the dominant ape, put a short hat on him, and take a lower ranking ape and put the tallest hat on him.

5- See if the biggest hatted ape now gets all the chicks.

I'll repeat my thesis again, civilization is built on the two pillars of agriculture and social strata delineation determined by assholes who want to run things putting on big hats.

doctorremulac3, May 11 2023

Skip to 4:50 https://www.youtube...watch?v=_X57lHbQP6k
[doctorremulac3, May 12 2023]

Jane Goodall institute https://janegoodall.org
[doctorremulac3, May 12 2023]

magnificent hat https://static.wiki...t?cb=20090528233234
[Loris, May 12 2023]

Birds that "wear" hats. https://www.mentalf...y-feathered-noggins
Why? Because hats serve a purpose in the wild. If they're important enough to evolve, they're certainly important enough to fake. [doctorremulac3, May 12 2023]


       Humans are a kind of ape
pocmloc, May 11 2023

doctorremulac3, May 11 2023

       Apes in the wild don’t wear anything, but in captivity may be trained to wear hats or other articles of clothing. As it would have to be taught, you wouldn’t have a way to tell if their REACTION to hats was innate or learned.   

       But… there are some characteristics in nature that might correlate to hat wearing in humans. For example, male orangutans have cheek pouches, and in any group the one with the largest cheek pouches is usually assumed to be the dominant one. If something happens to him, others will grow bigger cheek pouches as they assert dominance.   

       This may be akin to guys going to the gym to try to build the biggest muscles. But while I can see an evolutionary advantage in big muscles, the cheek pouch thing seems like a bit of big hat silliness. There is probably merit in studying physical changes that occur in apes as they try to assert dominance.   

       (edit: corrected typos and added to third paragraph)
a1, May 12 2023

       //But while I can see an evolutionary advantage in bug muscles, the cheek pouch thing does seem like a bit of big hat silliness.//   


       Think I'm gonna contact some places that have chimps to see if they're interested in trying this.   

       Start by just throwing a bunch of different sized hats in their habitat, pretty sure they'd figure it out. If necessary, put one on and walk around for a minute, that's all the training that would be necessary if that even.   

       Chimps & gorillas already wear hats. (link)
doctorremulac3, May 12 2023

       I'm off to the gym to work on my cheeks.
pertinax, May 12 2023

       Actually I'm going to try to contact Jane Goodall. I'll write up a proposal and see if her institute can get it to her.   

       I don't think I'll mess around with any designs at first, just one variable, height. Obviously if you have a foot tall picture of a snarling tiger face (although that might come later) it's going to instill some kind of reaction from the peasants, but have to do this one variable at a time.
doctorremulac3, May 12 2023

       A tiger face hat can only improve your chances of getting the job.
daseva, May 12 2023

       Sure, they say you should always dress for the job you want rather than the job you have.   

       But dammit, I showed up for an interview dressed as Batman once, and they called the police!
a1, May 12 2023

       One theory on the hat thing, besides the obvious built in instinct to see a taller animal as dominant, there is natural headgear in nature, they're called horns. If you see something sticking out of an animals head, and you're not sure what it is, good chance you might want to assume it's dangerous.   

       There are also lots of instances where birds use decorative plumage to create a more imposing image. Where I go running in the hills by my house I come across wild turkeys that do their fan dance with their tail feathers to try to intimate me. Visual communication among animals is very real.   

       Again, I wouldn't be surprised if the first king was somebody that put a lion skull on his head.
doctorremulac3, May 12 2023

       Well back in the day there was less youtube, so it was important to be seen and recognized at a distance, especially if you were standing on top of a tall pyramid.   

       "Think I'm gonna contact some places that have chimps to see if they're interested in trying this"   

       One of the G-n or BRICS conferences might work for this. But since there is so much close up broadcasted coverage they probably don't need to wear hats anymore; only people stuck in some kind of ancient time loop, need to have special hat wearing days.   

       To prove this, give all the chimps hats and then a giant wall of screens focusing on each one of their faces; they'll probably stop putting on hats and just look at the screens.. at least until a lovely lady in 'pink' walks by. Because the only thing better then a bigger head is a bigger bum.
mylodon, May 20 2023

       Bum hats
pocmloc, May 21 2023

       Been away for a week, then read this again:   

       "Train apes to wear hats. The big furry kind that don't fly airplanes."   

       I get the big furry hats thing, but all hats don't fly airplanes. Could cause confusion but I'm gonna go with it.
doctorremulac3, May 22 2023

       Wookie? Trying hard...
minoradjustments, Jun 17 2023

       I'm seeing an empty shapka ushanka propped up on the head-rest of the pilot's seat.
pertinax, Jun 17 2023


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