Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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This would work fine, except in terms of success.

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Automatic Assertiveness Trainer

Avoid Quiet Office Syndrome by Getting those Quiet Types to Talk More with the Auto Assertiveness Trainer
 
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Is your office populated by too many quiet chaps or timidy ladies? These under assertive people need a helping hand to progress in life. The key to this personality problem is to get the sufferer to where the high-tech Auto Assertiveness Trainer. It is a battery powered headset with a built in close-proximity microphone. The complex electronics would monitor the signal from the microphone such that if no audio signal were to be detected for say 30-40 seconds a electrical charge could be dispatched to the sufferer, prompting the him/her to begin talking. A low level audio alarm could be sounded after about 20 seconds of silence to warn of the impending shock. One would envisage that the required audio signal strength needed to dis-arm the system would be gradually increased so that over a few days the sufferer would be able to talk loudly and constantly in all situations. A more advanced model currently under development looks for repitious voice patterns so exercising the sufferer's brain in its constant search for something different to say !
martynwyatt, Aug 29 2003

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       .................... <ZOT>Youch! Grilled cheese, lifeguard, test tube!
*sigh*
jivetalkinrobot, Aug 29 2003
  

       quite the reverse,martyn, quite the reverse <sigh>   

       what I want is some kind of death spike in the desk - that ... only kidding.
po, Aug 29 2003
  

       We're quite because we're plotting your murder.
phoenix, Aug 29 2003
  

       quite!
po, Aug 29 2003
  

       quaint.
Shz, Aug 29 2003
  

       If quiet people annoy you so, why not just put bells around their ankles or something? Or implant radios tuned to your favorite stations? Or better yet, hook them up to microphones and amplify the hell out of every tiny noise they make???   

       (insufferable)
k_sra, Aug 29 2003
  

       Sigh. Try to be cleaver on tome nd ur spellink goos ta hell.
phoenix, Aug 29 2003
  

       Has anyone seen my stapler?
RayfordSteele, Aug 29 2003
  

       Yyyeeeaaaahhhh....
phoenix, Aug 29 2003
  

       "Cunt"
thumbwax, Aug 30 2003
  
      
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