Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Barking Contest

Two contestants, doing their best dog imitation, bark at each other as loud as they can on stage, winner determined by audience applause.
  [vote for,

The two contestants take to the stage behind their microphones as the MC introduces them and asks a few questions. "This is David Smith from Jonestown Ohio, hi David!"

"Hi John! Great to be here."

"Now David, what makes you think you're a great barker?"

"Well John, I used to the sergeant of my platoon in the military and I now I'm an auctioneer so I've got a great set of lungs." (audience applause)

"And Mary Jones from San Diego California, how about you Mary?"

"I've got six kids John." (audience laughter)

When the MC says "Aaaand GO!" they begin, the clock above the stage runs for 20 seconds during which time the contestants just bark as loud as they can at the other party. Then the MC walks out and holds his hand over the head of the first contestant and the audience registers their vote by the volume of their applause. Then to the other contestant to see how much applause they get.

Winner gets something. Maybe the whole thing is sponsored by a cough drop company or something.

doctorremulac3, Apr 02 2020

Sequoiadendron giganteum https://en.wikipedi...iadendron_giganteum
More bark than you can shake a stick at. [8th of 7, Apr 02 2020]

Barking competition https://www.youtube...watch?v=jvUuMsLsGuk
6 minutes 30 seconds in [DenholmRicshaw, Apr 02 2020]

Possible venue https://en.wikipedi...ing_Learning_Centre
[pocmloc, Apr 04 2020]

Pig squeeling contest #1... https://www.youtube...watch?v=AmEBhQVqzDE
[doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2020]

#2 https://www.youtube...watch?v=MUOf_VpKw9A
[doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2020]

...etc https://www.youtube...watch?v=3AsrCZdzvAY
[doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2020]


       "And the winner of the biggest bark contest is ..."   

       <Fumbles with envelope/>   

       "... Sequoiadendron giganteum !! "   

       <Thunderous applause />
8th of 7, Apr 02 2020

       We have a new contender: the Magdalene Vinnen II, a 117.5m long German barque.
neutrinos_shadow, Apr 02 2020

       Oh great, a shouty Kraut ...
8th of 7, Apr 02 2020

       Done in plasticine - see link
DenholmRicshaw, Apr 02 2020

       I think that there would be unfair bias from which was applauded first and which second. There are good statistical studies of this kind of sequential bias in competitions. I would say it's important to have some kind of simultaneous option thing to rank the contestants. Perhaps people should clap with one hand or the other uppermost to indicate their preferred contestant, or something like that.
pocmloc, Apr 02 2020

       Simultaneous voting would probably be fairer.   

       Put a vertical barrier between the two contestants. Give every audience member a golf ball. On the instruction "Vote now !", the audience throw their golf balls at one contestant or the other.   

       The golf balls on each side are then counted, and the contestant with the most injuries is the winner.   

       Of course, the World Championships would have to be staged on the North bank of the River Thames, between Poplar and Dagenham ...
8th of 7, Apr 02 2020

       Did I say clapping? I meant the crowd should bark.
doctorremulac3, Apr 02 2020

       // Winner gets something //   

       A term in public office?
whatrock, Apr 02 2020

       Nothing worthwhile, then.
8th of 7, Apr 02 2020

       Ohh! And how do you boo?   


       If somebody's really bad you meow them off stage.
doctorremulac3, Apr 02 2020

       Do you mean barking as in dog, or barking as in carnival? (If this is specified elsewhere, my apologies for missing it.)
tatterdemalion, Apr 02 2020

       The dog kind.
doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2020

       South of the Manson-Nixon line, will there be "Squeal like a pig" contests ?
8th of 7, Apr 04 2020

       And believe it or not... (links)
doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2020


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