h a l f b a k e r y
Point of hors d'oevre
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All of these recent bear-related ideas are great except they
have the major flaw - not all bear encounters require the
same response. For instance, when encountering a Kodiak
the best choice may be to let it bite into your adhesive
bear sleeve (and try to cover your face), whereas American
Black Bears are almost
friendly enough to pet.* I think the majority of campers
would have trouble telling which type of bear is about to
attach them, thus the need for the app. Simply point your
phone's camera at the bear in question and hold very still
3-5 seconds.** The app will take into account factors such
the bear's color***, relative size, and the GPS location of
user**** to determine the most likely species of bear.
Bonus feature: in the event of an unfortunate
mauling/dismemberment, the phone will send a photo of
the offending bear to the nearest park ranger, as well as
the facebook profile of the recently mauled/dismembered.
* do not pet bears
** for best results, use of app is recommended before, not
*** feature may not work at night, in tents, or at close
**** cellular connection required
[DIYMatt, Apr 16 2014]
Bear (Gay Culture)
[JesusHChrist, Apr 17 2014]
||// American Black Bears are almost friendly enough to pet
||Can be. Not are. Can be. If they feel like it.
||And while it's true that they aren't the half-ton towers of
grizzlies enjoy being perceived as, black bears are creative,
persistent, can knock down anything they can't climb, and
are also strong enough to kill with one blow.
||All the same, I'd rather fight a black bear than a moose.
||The unbearable trouble that comes from such attacks
wood certainly be relieved if the user manages to
make use of the app. The grizzly end which may result
if the user fails, however, polarizes one away from
bunning this idea.
||//can knock down anything they can't climb,
||An escalator with the treads moving downwards? Admittedly not many in the wild, but evolution can spring surprises.
||Bears are smart. They'd go up two floors in
the lift, then use the down escalator to get at
you from the back, hence the phrase "bear
||Interesting claws in the small print.
||Yes, but there still ain't no Sanity Claws ....
||I'm avoiding bear back, on the grounds of..something.
||Would it not be possible to spring a tricky maths problem on them, so allowing you to escape?
||For example "As you are aware trigonometry was first developed in a Sumerian city-state in ancient Mesopotamia, giving us the cosine and the Ur sine, so taking a right angled triangle (hand piece of graph paper with drawing of bear, tree, bees nest in the tree etc" )...."