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Bear Identifying App

Lets you know if you need to deploy any of your anti-bear apparati.
  [vote for,

All of these recent bear-related ideas are great except they have the major flaw - not all bear encounters require the same response. For instance, when encountering a Kodiak the best choice may be to let it bite into your adhesive anti- bear sleeve (and try to cover your face), whereas American Black Bears are almost friendly enough to pet.* I think the majority of campers would have trouble telling which type of bear is about to attach them, thus the need for the app. Simply point your phone's camera at the bear in question and hold very still for 3-5 seconds.** The app will take into account factors such as the bear's color***, relative size, and the GPS location of the user**** to determine the most likely species of bear.

Bonus feature: in the event of an unfortunate mauling/dismemberment, the phone will send a photo of the offending bear to the nearest park ranger, as well as the facebook profile of the recently mauled/dismembered.

* do not pet bears

** for best results, use of app is recommended before, not during, bear attacks.

*** feature may not work at night, in tents, or at close ranges

**** cellular connection required

DIYMatt, Apr 16 2014

http://www.youtube....watch?v=9Gmk8S5L4Sw [DIYMatt, Apr 16 2014]

Bear (Gay Culture) http://en.wikipedia.../Bear_(gay_culture)
[JesusHChrist, Apr 17 2014]


       // American Black Bears are almost friendly enough to pet //   

       Can be. Not are. Can be. If they feel like it.   

       And while it's true that they aren't the half-ton towers of terror that grizzlies enjoy being perceived as, black bears are creative, persistent, can knock down anything they can't climb, and are also strong enough to kill with one blow.   

       All the same, I'd rather fight a black bear than a moose.
Alterother, Apr 16 2014

       The unbearable trouble that comes from such attacks wood certainly be relieved if the user manages to make use of the app. The grizzly end which may result if the user fails, however, polarizes one away from bunning this idea.
Voice, Apr 16 2014

       //can knock down anything they can't climb,   

       An escalator with the treads moving downwards? Admittedly not many in the wild, but evolution can spring surprises.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 16 2014

       Bears are smart. They'd go up two floors in the lift, then use the down escalator to get at you from the back, hence the phrase "bear behind".
8th of 7, Apr 17 2014

       Interesting claws in the small print.
pocmloc, Apr 17 2014

       Yes, but there still ain't no Sanity Claws ....
8th of 7, Apr 17 2014

       //"bear behind"   

       I'm avoiding bear back, on the grounds of..something.   

       Would it not be possible to spring a tricky maths problem on them, so allowing you to escape?   

       For example "As you are aware trigonometry was first developed in a Sumerian city-state in ancient Mesopotamia, giving us the cosine and the Ur sine, so taking a right angled triangle (hand piece of graph paper with drawing of bear, tree, bees nest in the tree etc" )...."
not_morrison_rm, Apr 17 2014


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