Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Blood pipes

Plastic tubes with blood flowing through them
  [vote for,

To show you are really 3XXX7r33M (I think that spells "extreme" in the wierdo lingo kids speak today, durned whippersnappers) you could take clear plastic tubing and have it surgically spliced into your arteries and veins. You could have a tube come out of your forehead and reenter your chest or something gross like that. It would have two benefits - first it would show what a radical dude you were, and second you could monitor the oxygen update into your red blood cells and its use in your tissue by looking at the relative redness of the different streams.

This might prove to be a liability in a fight, though.

wayne606, Mar 01 2003

Hemodialysis access
Baked... [lurch, Oct 06 2004]


       Hope you enjoy blood clots.   

       Goretex is quite often used to build a 'fistula' (blood access point bridging between an artery and a vein) - I don't think it's transparent (it's expanded PTFE).   

       A clear plastic tube, carrying arterial blood outside your body, would literally reduce your life expectancy to weeks, or months at best. Is that a good enough excuse for a fishbone?
lurch, Mar 02 2003

       I don't know if it's quite m-f-d worthy; after all, I find tongue rings gross, but not gross-out humor. This is just another step in that direction.   

       wayne, be aware that some halfbaked ideas are fully workable, some are not; most of the better-received ones are, although there are the ones that are obviously unworkable humor. The grey middle is where you have to be most careful; for that's where often the lines are drawn, with humorists and pragmatics and pedants all battling it out to point out real or imagined flaws in an attempt to analyze the thing to death.   

       lurch: Hello, blood transfusion tubing? heart / lung machines? Is it simply the probability of snagging the thing that you're up against?
RayfordSteele, Mar 02 2003

       this reminds me of the incident in a hospital where I worked. I managed to trip up on some wires / tubes attached to a patient alone in a room having some sort of treatment. yanked the bloody things out of both the patient end and the business end of whatever the machine was. anyway I apologised profusely to the patient (as you do) and he said "no problem" and continued to stare at the ceiling.   

       I really to this day - do not know what I unplugged or what damage I did.   

       BTW - what [Ray] said
po, Mar 02 2003

       OK, my [m-f-d] is currently in abeyance. My reasoning ran like this:
Here's a way to get attention, by doing something people will find revolting, and simultaneously damaging myself.

       After the fixes, it changes to:
Here's a way to get attention, by doing something people will find revolting.

       [RS] - blood transfusions are done in a relatively short time period, where the damage done to blood cells by the tubing does not have time to accumulate. For a longer term application, (i.e. heart / lung machine) the patient would be receiving high doses of anticoagulants/thrombolytics. That doesn't prevent cell damage - it just keeps the damaged cells from starting clots.   

       Sorry, I guess I am taking it a bit too personally. Too much time spent watching people die this way to enjoy the thought of it being recreational.
lurch, Mar 03 2003

       Perhaps a better idea would be a set of tubes that circulates fake blood. For added realism, it could be combined with a heartbeat and/or O2 sensor so as to beat or change color as appropriately. For added visual impact (though not realism) the system could inject small bubbles to make visible the actual flow of the fake blood.
supercat, Mar 03 2003

       now that's been done: you can get this kind of fake set-up at Halloween.
dalek, Mar 03 2003

       [wayne] Actually you've got the makings of a great action-film villain here.
Your 'Exo-Vascular Man' compares favorably to most of the bizarrely disfigured 007 villains (beats Dr. Evil also). And EVM vs. Willem Dafoe's "Green Goblin" (Spiderman): fuhgeddaboutit!
roby, Mar 03 2003

       dalek: Do any of the halloween ones include the pulse/O2 sensors?
supercat, Mar 03 2003

       lurch, interesting. Didn't know any of that.
RayfordSteele, Mar 03 2003

       Well, there is a biomedical question here - why is it that the materials we have available are so hard on blood cells? Are typical plastics too rough on a microscopic scale? I'm sure there is a lot of research in duplicating the mechanical properties of blood vessels in artificial materials...   

       The other issue is how far are people willing to go with body modification. E.g. "Modern primitives", and the picture of the forked penis (yuck). You don't see much serious scarification, tatoos on the face, etc, on a daily basis, though.
wayne606, Mar 05 2003

       [wayne] - it's really not the fault of the tubing. The body is just so incredibly good at figuring out something is wrong and trying to heal it. You try to approximate human tissue as nearly as possible, and the body's response is like, "yeah, but is it the *right* human?" (i.e., transplant rejection).   

       Anyway, where the blood is flowing past something not recognized as "self", the initial response is to try to form a blood clot. As part of the clot formation process, "hemolysis" (destruction of red blood cells) occurs.
lurch, Mar 05 2003

       It'd be cooler if there was a little hypodermic injection station, where you could change the color of your blood to better suit all occasions. Metallic Gold: Vegas, Baby. Black: for those tuxedo nights. Go ahead...try it on.
lizzaurenpizzagni, Mar 05 2003

       This could easily be done. Lots of people have tubing with blood flowing through it and lots of people have tubing from a vein extending outside the body. The problem is it wouldnt be that cool. There would be no visual evidence of flow. It would just be red.   

       But: therein lies potential for a fine halloween costume! Buy plastic tubing at the harware store, fill with red jello, cap off the ends, crazy glue one end to head, tuck loose end in pants, apply fake burn putty around junction of tube and head. Wolla! You're the Freaky Tube Dude!   

       Also a tube leading from head down to pants could be full of brown dog food. When asked, Tube Dude could state: "Yeah, that's my least favorite one."
bungston, Mar 05 2003

       Some of you don't know it, but this is all good stuff. It is all about how everyone thinks, in different combinations and in different contexts. About the blood: I ran a human blood flow bench for 5 years testing fiber optic catheters. There are about 20 patents with my name for blood spectroscopy, et cetera. Every patent cites failed patents before it. Every one of those patents existed because somebody got suckered into paying research, investment, stock, career, and every other valuable into it. There are patents for most of the concepts suggested here whether they are disgusting, funny, or just scams. Most, ( more than 50%) of the bio-medical firms in Orange Co. CA are scams. I have been thrown out of several fro writing "white papers" exposing the scams. Keep up the good work, and expose everything to the truth, ridicule, punishment, and the light of day. The real benefit here is understanding how bright and dumb people are scammed in every way literally (correct use of litterally) as they have for the last 10,000 years of civilization. It has gotten worse recently.
JimMcLL, Jun 01 2003

       Why not just have a heart plug?
Zimmy, Jun 01 2003

       heart plug = hickman line = septicaemia. not nice
kael, Jul 09 2003

       you could make spirals and stuff from the tubes, like those crazy straws... also add little turbines to visualize blood flow. this might look extra cool with cold cathode tubes lighting the scene from inside your body....
RaoulDuke, Aug 22 2003

-----, Dec 25 2003

       I'll make this a list idea too. Anyone played Gladiator, Sword of Vengence for the Playstation 2? Now THAT is gross out humor!
Amishman35, Dec 27 2003

       I dont see why this idea is getting all the MFD annos. It just seems to be the next step in all the crazy things people do to themselves nowadays. Even with all the relevant medical reasons people are boning it, I still feel like its a good half baked idea.
KLRico, Dec 28 2003

       [KLRico] It's because the quality of the halfbakery system has dropped over the past 18 months. It seems to me anyone can [m-f-d] an idea if it gives them jollies. And add to the fact the rules are prohibiting more good ideas (like re-instate historical practices{Would anyone like to see Amiga come back?}) and all I can say is "Woe is me!"
Amishman35, Dec 28 2003

       Agreed. I see no reason why this has been marked for deletion. I say it stays.
bristolz, Feb 23 2004


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