Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Christmas Padding

Lighten up ...
  [vote for,

We have noted that the end of every year in your planetary calendar is used by some as a pretext to overindulge in food and drink. Combined with a lack of physical activity, this inevitably leads to an increase in adipose tissue.

Then in the "New Year", the guilt sets in and an attempt is made to reverse the process through self-denial and exercise.

However, for those of a smug and devious character, the process can be made much less traumatic. Here' s how it works ...

Prior to the commencement of the festive season, the canny "slimmer" invests a very modest sum in a BorgCo Christmas Padding undergarment. This is a close-fitting breathable item, covering the torso down to the thigh, and provided with numerous carefully-positioned pockets, into which thin sheets of foam can be installed.

If you do gain real extra mass, consult the calibration tables supplied, and change the number and position of the pads accordingly.

Over the next few weeks, each morning the wearer changes the padding, and slowly increases in dimensions. Soon, friends and colleagues will start to say things like "You're piling on the weight, aren't you ?" as you knock back your fifth pint of Bailey's Electric Soup in the boozer.

But payback time is coming ...

In the New Year, announce loudly that you have begun a new BorgCo diet, health and fitness regime. Then - working from the calibration tables - progressively remove slivers of foam over a period of weeks.

Then watch the baffled and envious looks on people's faces as your "bulk" miraculously melts away ...

8th of 7, Dec 05 2018




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