Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bum tube

non-embarrasing flatulence
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Many people suffer from flatulence due to various conditions beyond their control, and it can be highly embarrassing. What i suggest is a small tubular device (no more than about 4 or 5 millimetres in diameter, and around 1 inch long), which fits into the patients rear orifice. It would have some sort of wider bit at one end to stop it accidentally slipping all the way inside. Inside this tube would be some sort of perfume or freshener device. Effectively this tube would rid the patient of 1: The embarrasing noise of flatulence, as the tube would be a continuously open airway, and 2: the embarrassing smell, which would be masked by the perfume scent. These tubes could be cheap and disposable and sold in packs, so the user can change them as regularly as they wish. There would also be the option to 'coordinate' your bum-tube with your favourite perfume/aftershave for increased secrecy.
HowardMarks, Aug 08 2001

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       Your solution to the embarrassment of flatulence is a permanently dilated anal sphincter? Hmm.
angel, Aug 08 2001
  

       Yes.....and your point is?
HowardMarks, Aug 08 2001
  

       That the embarrassment of flatulence would be the least of your problems.
angel, Aug 08 2001
  

       Have we not already a Fart Catheter and a Fart Silencer? Must we be plagued with redundant fart processing equipment ad odoratum? Enough, I say! Take thy foul Bum Tube and insert where the sun shineth not!
Dog Ed, Aug 08 2001
  

       lmao
HowardMarks, Aug 08 2001
  
      
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