h a l f b a k e r y
Veni, vidi, teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini.
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Because a wiseguy has a lot on his mind.
When you're a high-level gangster, you've got a lot on your
mind. Personnel to manage, capers to plan, multiple illegal
enterprises to manage, bribes to track. So you need
something more than your ordinary project management
You need CapoWare.
Use CapoWare to schedule whackings,
access your favorite
restaurant menus, keep track of your footsoldiers, all with
a few taps on your smartphone. Super-double-secure
technology keeps your data safe from prying prosecutors
and rival bosses. Organizational charts automatically
update as your subordinates knock each other off. And our
special AlibiCreator[TM] module creates an electronic paper
trail to prove that you wasn't nowhere near the place!
Available in English, Sicilian, Northern Italian, Japanese,
Spanish (Central American and Castilian), Nigerian, Serbian,
Mandarin, Russian, and other languages.
I was expecting something a little more musical...
[normzone, Jan 29 2016]
||We suggest Russian and Ferengi will do well.
||It would be a big deal, if you can actually make a gangster to pay for the software.
||Include a module that publishes everything in the event of your untimely death.
||Oh, the software should be free. No need to be ungenerous,
||On the other hand, it'd be a shame if something happened
to that nice security module, now wouldn't it? A little
protection for that would probably have some value every
month or so.
||love it. LOVE it. In fact, I may write it.
||Remember, you need to also keep track of two sets of
books, one for the tax auditors to inspect, and one with the
real data in it.
||Santini Claus definitely approves. You have no idea
how much time I spend updating org charts every
time some pansy elf wants to run off on the family
be a dentist. Makes me mad enough to go shoot a
minion, except for the fact that if I did so I'd just
have to update it again.
I trust it can handle your basic GANTT chart? I got
deadlines, you knows. The tools to make these
toys don't just go make themselves.
||And when the batteries fail slowly, Everybody dies ...
||I foresee one problem in the business plan, tho - potentially a lot of turnover in the customer service department...