Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I like this idea, only I think it should be run by the government.

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Centrifugal Diaper

Lightly assist the little asses
  [vote for,

This is a system, similar to the Blonsky Device, where a baby with diapers is placed on a round table, held down by soft lambskin straps, and powered by an electric motor that gently spins the table around, increasing in speed until the bowels are fully evacuated into the diaper.

The baby can be swiveled in its straps by 180' for centrifugal burping and spit-ups. Collection is achieved by a highly absorptive mouth-nappy.

mylodon, Jul 13 2019

Totally tubular to the max... https://www.cosmopo...2418/lil-baby-xray/
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 13 2019]

Wall Of Death toilet Wall_20Of_20Death_20toilet
Let the system take the strain... [8th of 7, Apr 25 2020]


       Have you run this one past your wife? Or, failing that, girlfriend? Sister? Mother? Maybe a waitress at Starbucks? OK, maybe a female member of the nursing staff there?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 13 2019

       Lambskin? PETA will never go for this.
We gotcha covered though. [link]

       Bun [+]   

       A larger version might effectively clean out older adults prior to that annoying every-ten-years procedure.
whatrock, Apr 25 2020

       [what], we have prior art on that... <link>
8th of 7, Apr 25 2020

       What a great idea. I can't imagine any way in which this could go wrong. Bun.
wagster, Apr 25 2020

       <Wonders vaguely if that is more indicative of the limited number of ways that the idea can go wrong, or more indicative of the paucity of [wagster]'s imagination/>   

       <Decides it is likely to be the latter./>   

       <Decides to assign the testing role to others/>
8th of 7, Apr 25 2020

       Gotta admit, every time I read the title, I instinctively duck.
FlyingToaster, Apr 25 2020

       // The baby can be swiveled in its straps by 180' //   

       <Pointless and unhelpful pedantry>   

       180' of arc is only 3°. That's not much adjustment, and limited* experimentation shows that human infants exhibit considerable flexibility when subjected to even moderate rotational forces.   

       We suggest that a much larger range should be provided.   

       </Pointless and unhelpful pedantry>   


       *Female humans get really quite remarkably intense when their offspring are used for testing. Why is that ? The damage is usually limited and comparatively easy to repair ...
8th of 7, Apr 25 2020

       A lower powered version could use a very dense object, held under the babies legs. Doesn’t have to be too big, maybe 0.000003 solar masses. The gravitational pull of the object will suck the faeces straight towards it, where it can be captured by the waiting parents.   

       The benefit of this, as well as saving power, is that you don’t have to guess the timing of the bowel movement. With the original proposal you either have to turn the machine on at just the right time, or leave it on all the time. Some tired parents may do leave it on, only to wake up and find their baby a lot taller in the morning. And that means buying new clothes, which gets expensive fast.
Casso, Apr 26 2020

       //maybe 0.000003 solar masses//   

       Pretty sure I've seen one of those recently. Now, where would I have put it?
pertinax, Apr 26 2020

       Maybe one of those bouncy-swings with a bit of modification...
FlyingToaster, Apr 26 2020

       // Now, where would I have put it? //   

       Look for a small, very heavy box labeled "Forced quantum singularity".
8th of 7, Apr 26 2020

       No, it was bigger than that ... probably underfoot somewhere.
pertinax, Apr 26 2020

       Look down the back of the sofa cushions - lots of stuff ends up back there.
8th of 7, Apr 26 2020


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