Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Checkout Queue Bouncers

Speed the line ...
  (+13, -3)(+13, -3)
(+13, -3)
  [vote for,

A great deal of frustration can be engendered by being stuck in a checkout queue behind a customer who, having had their goods bagged and placed in their trolley, suddenly realises they are going to have to pay for their purchases and start to search franticlly for their wallet, purse or other storage device.

But now, something can be done. In the next queue, ther is no such problem, for the Checkout Bouncers have done their work well. Even now, the two huge men, their hands replete with tattoos and large gold rings, their muscular bodies clad in natty black dinner suits with clip-on bow ties, their radio earpieces in place, are glowering through their wrap-round black sunglasses at a frail, elderly gentleman, demanding to know how he intends to pay, and does he have exact change ready ?

These heroes of the supermarket gaze impassively on those who join the queue with their credit card gripped in their teeth, or a wad of notes already to hand; but woe betide the harrased mother who carries her credt card "somewhere" at the bottom of her cluttered handbag, or the gormless youth who has to scrabble through the pockets of his coat and tracksuit trousers to gather enough pennies to pay for his can of Red Bull. The inept, the slow, the confused, the incompetent, the merely inattentive; all are fair game to the bouncers, who, if they are not satisfied with the whimperings of their terrified victim, waste no time in frogmarching them off to the special "In this queue you can wait forever" checkout at the far end of the store.

Thus are the wheels of commerce lubricated.

8th of 7, Jun 12 2008

and exactly how do you intend to pay? Ms Thatcher? http://www.mediamag...2b-ccb85a5bf6f5.jpg
[r_kreher, Jun 12 2008]


       excellent... give them big rubber mallets to clock them over the head before dragging them away +
xenzag, Jun 12 2008

       "...does he have exact change ready?"
How the hell would he know?
phoenix, Jun 12 2008

       I'll just grease the palm of a bouncer, so my granny can take all the time she wants. Anything so I don't have to shop for her.
n81641, Jun 12 2008

       They can enforce the 'ten items or less' rule at the express checkout too.
Bad Jim, Jun 13 2008

       //enforce the 'ten items or less'//   

       ... by bashing every other item with baseball bats.
Jinbish, Jun 13 2008

       Do the bouncers let pretty girls get to the checkout quicker?   

       Do they not let large groups of lads get to the checkout at all - unless they go and find some shopping girls who they can bring to the checkout with them?   

       If I wear trainers to the checkout am I doomed?
britboy, Jun 13 2008

       //These heroes of the supermarket gaze impassively on those who join the queue with their credit card gripped in their teeth//   

       I don't have any credit card but will ask my friend to give me his expired card. Thus I 'll be able to dodge the heroes.   

       (+) though for the excellent annotation (I invariably face similar frustration every single time I stand in a queue for payment.
vedarshi, Jun 13 2008


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