Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Cheese Tenderiser

Makes rubberised synthetic cheese more palatable
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I don't fly very often but when I do the in-flight meal always includes a shrink-wrapped cube of yellow/orange rubber which is labelled as "cheese" and sits in the gut for weeks afterward. What is required to soften this pseudocheese is a little wooden mallet, like a scaled down meat tenderiser. Then the steward(ess), as well as offering beverages, could say "Cheese tenderiser, sir?" and I could say "Oooh yes please. <insert cheese-pounding noises> . Thank you, that's much more edible now".
Skinny Rob, Aug 08 2000


       It could be dual actioned, and work on the concrete butter* which is often supplied too <insert butter-pounding noises>.   

       Perhaps this problem is only limited to peasant class...I got bumped up to business class once, but fail to recall whether the dreaded cheese was served...   

       *along with the worlds most easily snapable plastic knife
Belly, Aug 08 2000

       Just microwave the cheese (either ask the stewardess to do it, or use your suitcase microwave). It doesn't have to be heated very much (saving on suitcase batteries), and compared to using a mallet, the effect is much less aesthetically damaging to the presentation of your meal.
Jim, Aug 10 2000

       Microwaving is OK, but the stress-relieving properties of hammering the hell out of a piece of inedible cheese or butter would be lost.   

       Cheese tenderisers would be a very welcome addition to Business class seats or red-eye business flights, I'd wager.
BigThor, Aug 11 2000

       A]Remove other 'edibles' from fold-out tray. B]Place 'cheese' on fold-out tray. C]Return fold-out tray to 'up' position. D]Smash fold-out tray repeatedly. E]Repeat if necessary. F]Return fold-out tray to extended position. G]Scrape 'cheese' off of fold-out tray. H]Place other items on fold-out tray. I]Mutter apology to passenger in front of you. J]Repeat if necessary. K]Consume. L]Crap if possible. K]Consume.
thumbwax, Aug 11 2000

       "L]Crap if possible. K]Consume"
- that's one way of tenderising cheese, I suppose.
Jim, Aug 13 2000, last modified Aug 14 2000

       I'll give you the stress-relieving properties inherent in cheese-hammering, but I know there would have to be something to the passenger-hammering going on in the center aisles of the plane.
Caroline Rose, Aug 15 2000

       Dang Right, Jimbo. Hey, who cut the cheese?
thumbwax, Sep 19 2000

       Just put it in your pocket for a few mins . . . or sit on it.
bristolz, Nov 20 2001

       I'm afraid that, in the wake of 9/11, a cheese tenderizing mallet could be construed as a weapon with which one could hijack an aircraft. You'll not likely get one on board.   

       On the other hand, I've never found hard cheese to be a problem with my airline food. For some reason, when I fly, the cheeses served are soft, foil-wrapped wedges. "Laughing cow" is one brand I remember.   

       Hmm...considering the name, might it be that the cheese itself is a biological weapon by which BSE could be spread?
Guncrazy, Nov 20 2001

       First class still gets real silverware don't they?
Voice, Aug 01 2010

MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 01 2010


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