Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Chieftain II MBT

Main battle toaster
  [vote for,

Introducing the Chieftain II, using the latest in British technology*.

Able to target object up to 3000 metres with the railgun and heavily impregnated iron-solution toasted sandwiches, ranging from the soft-target cheese to the armour piercing BLT, with a discarding sabot made of crumpets.

Other options include the area-denial barrage of pain au chocolat, and the toast cut into little squares, wrapped in tinfoil to act as chaff.

The other function of the tank is to feed the troops and rake in a little sponsorship. Heating elements above the tracks, and a hydraulic arrangement beneath the tank enable it to be raised so the tracks can move freely. Revving up the engine, bread is placed on the tracks and goes under the heater elements.

As an emergency measure, in rapid advances, there is no need to immobilise the tank, but troops would obviously only get one side done as the tank is advancing.

As for the sponsorship, as the troops across the battlefield screaming the regiment motto "I can't believe it's not butter" how the pennies will roll in.

* One guy in a flat cap, with cigarette permanently lodged in corner of mouth follows the tank around with a lump hammer to restart the 1908 diesel engine.

PS As of next month, it's back to work, so can I just delegate writing this kind of nonsense? Just something with very poor puns and cheese or something like that will do. Ta.

not_morrison_rm, Aug 22 2013

Auxilliary battle toaster. http://www.google.c...g&dur=2216#imgdii=_
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Aug 22 2013]

Earlier generation prototype Orbital_20toaster
[normzone, Aug 22 2013]

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       Sounds like a crummy weapons system. You'd be toast.
AusCan531, Aug 22 2013

       //As of next month, it's back to work//   

       Meaning that you'll be actually have to be sober for part of the day?
ytk, Aug 22 2013

       Did I mention the add-on RCDS useful for when pincer movements are called for?   

       Admittedly it's just a bucket of water with crabs in it, and a catapult. It's work in progress.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 22 2013

       sp. chieftain
pertinax, Aug 23 2013

       spelling noted and edited....and that Auxilliary battle toaster.would be handy.   

       I'm considering a a series of increasingly small auxiliary units until we get down to the nano scale, with one small enough to deploy toast on the molecular level,   

       Not quite sure what for though, but this is defence spending so it doesn't have to make sense.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 23 2013

       The Germans nicknamed the M4 Sherman the "Tommy Cooker", but this takes it to a whole new level.   

8th of 7, Aug 23 2013

       American soldiers called it the 'Ronson Lighter' (always lights on the first strike), and it was their own tank.   

       Now we only make airplanes that spontaneously combust; our tanks are solid.
Alterother, Aug 23 2013

       Tired of living? Stick a fork in it.
UnaBubba, Aug 23 2013


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