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Cochlear implants for the profoundly hard of thinking

Because otherwise someone else has to clean up the mess.
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Despite warning signs- Deep Water, Strong Offshore Currents, Shark Area, Cliff Edge- certain individuals persist in inexplicable acts of stupidity, like tombstoning.

This would be wonderful of they simply killed themselves and disappeared from the world; Mr. Darwin would approve.

But unfortunately, all too often they merely end up badly damaged and have to be repaired at great expense. Quite why is unclear, and certainly irrational.

Should they succeed in self-immolation, then in the short term there are traffic queues, searches by the emergency services, and unpleasant activities involving rubber gloves and buckets. In the longer term, there are investigations and inquests, which eventually conclude" they died because they behaved like an idiot".

Therefore, all areas where idiots foregather would be provided with inductive hearing loops broadcastin the message "Don't be a fool all your life". Recipients of implants would be identified by psychological screening at about age 10.

Implants are necessary as they can't be lost, forgotten, left behind, or easily ignored.

8th of 7, Aug 18 2012

(?) http://northernhors...rling%20picture.jpg [rcarty, Aug 19 2012]

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       Aha - so, an idea to prevent people doing reckless things for the fun of it, on the grounds that they're dangerous?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 18 2012
  

       No, on the grounds that they inconvenience others.   

       We are all in favour of them removing themselves, as long as it's discreet, inexpensive, and does not cause huge traffic jams.
8th of 7, Aug 18 2012
  

       That works until that person's healthcare is also responsible for that of another party, say, a fetus.   

       "Why is it that I keep seeing 'Don't be a fool all your life' plastered all over the halfbakery?"
RayfordSteele, Aug 18 2012
  

       //on the grounds that they inconvenience others//   

       Aww, c'mon. Living is an inconvenience to others. You and I are both inconveniences to others. The first man to try lighting a fart was an inconvenience to others. The guy who invented gunpowder (which I believe you like) was probably an inconvenience to others (particularly those whose job it was to reattach fingers or craft false eyebrows).   

       Many of the N-Prize entrants will probably inconvenience others. Werner von Braun inconvenienced a great many others (OK, he's not a good example - skip that one). The gentleman who invented the hang-glider caused many people to inconvenience themselves and others.   

       The first person to discover that passion fruit was edible ran the risk of inconveniencing others, as did the first person to discover that those tasty- looking red mushrooms with the white flecks were not edible.   

       Friends, countrymen, fellow halfbakers - I give you the pioneers, the adventurers, the explorers, the people who think outside the envelope. I urge you to join me in a toast to People Who Inconvenience Others.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 18 2012
  

       Could there be Public Inconveniences set up?
xenzag, Aug 18 2012
  

       Probably not.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 18 2012
  

       [xen], you should post that …   

       Toilets in highly inaccessible locations?
8th of 7, Aug 18 2012
  

       I've never read this anywhere before but... is there any correlation between tax-funded-healthcare countries having decreased thrill-seeking, (termed, 'profoundly hard of thinking' in this idea), tendancies among their citizens compared with privatized-healthcare countries?
If there is, then that would be weird and in need of study, no?
  

       Whilst I take MBs point, I don't think there is much pioneering involved in tombstoning. We get a lot of it down our way and the original pioneers of the game have long since established, with quite a high degree of accuracy, that it's not big, not clever, and not quite fatal.

However, the whole hearing loop thing is clearly a waste of time as the first impulse of the target demographic will be to spend a lot of time trying to dig out their implants with a sharpened spoon (which they will probably not have licked clean yet).
DrBob, Aug 21 2012
  

       Why would diving into water result in self-immolation (which usually refers to setting oneself on fire), and why (unless the water was a where a road fords a river, for example) would this result in inconvenience to traffic?
hippo, Aug 21 2012
  

       Immolation - the ones that die are often cremated.   

       Traffic jams - if it's done from a structure (often a bridge) which is part of or near to a public highway, the accumulation of emergency service vehicles and then need to gather evidence etc. generally means the road is closed for some time, meaning vehichles have to turn round and take a long diversion.
8th of 7, Aug 21 2012
  

       I hope you're not having a go at Tony Scott.
theleopard, Aug 21 2012
  

       //I don't think there is much pioneering involved in tombstoning.//   

       True, and yet at the same time wrong. Several Soviet Special Forces units were, during WWII (and possibly since then) trained in "tombstoning" as a means of launching surprise attacks on people in buildings. The parachutists had advanced (for the time) steerable 'chutes, and an additional rip-cord which released a central segment of the canopy, increasing the rate of descent to something like 20 feet per second. The also wore a "konus" (can't get cyrillic to work here) - a hardwood penetrator cone, padded on the inside, on their feet.   

       If they were on target to hit the target building, they would pull the partial-release cord about 30 feet above the roof, straighten and stiffen their legs, and clasp their hands above their heads. In this way, they would smash through the roof, surprising the occupants (considerably, I would imagine).   

       Obviously, this worked only on fairly lightly-build roofs, but the penetrator worked on regular slated or tiled roofs. Most of the injuries to the parachutists happened if, by bad luck, they hit the roof directly over a rafter; apart from this, it was pretty successful.   

       The system was developed by Nikolai Fomenko who, as a youth, had accidentally "tombstoned" right through a wooden rowing boat from a bridge on the Neva river, near St. Petersburg.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 21 2012
  

       If you check the dates, you will note the idea predates the extremely sad and unfortunate demise of the talented and highly respected Mr. Scott; a great loss indeed.
8th of 7, Aug 21 2012
  

       The man who gave us 'Days of Thunder?'
RayfordSteele, Aug 21 2012
  

       "...If you don't think too good, don't think too much..." --- Ted Williams
Grogster, Aug 21 2012
  

       Is that like "Taste not, or drink deep the Peruvian String" ... ?
8th of 7, Aug 21 2012
  

       //talented and highly respected Mr. Scott//   

       Is that Ronny? Or Terry? Or Of The Antarctic?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 21 2012
  

       Montgomery, obviously.
RayfordSteele, Aug 22 2012
  

       You smart people are so confusing...
how much are these implants again?
  

       They're free … nothing down, nothing to pay. It's a straight swap, we put the implant in and take the spare kidney out and sell it on eBay.   

       You won't feel a thing.
8th of 7, Aug 24 2012
  

       //You won't feel a thing.//   

       Well that's a total rip-off then...   

       Technically a rip-out, but close …
8th of 7, Aug 24 2012
  
      
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