D&D Wizard 'Laser Tag' Staff

What appears as an old staff with a weird crystal at the end is actually laser-tag gun that is also equipped with an active triangulation transponder. The user also wears a microphone and laser-filtering goggles. When a known 'spell' is spoken recognizably and forcefully enough, the transponder communicates with the closest effects station in the room to produce lots of smoke, simulated lightning, and sound effects from hidden speakers and smog machines in the room. Then the low-power laser* shoots a beam towards whatever the weird crystal is aiming at.