Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Escargot Hunting

to further redden one's neck.
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(+4, -1)
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Herb and Hank were sitting on the porch, bemoaning the effects of incroaching urbanization. They remembered the days when you could go out to the back pasture, and hunt wild boars with shotgun slugs. Nowadays you couldn't even risk offing a pigeon or possum with the old .22 short without fear of legal repercussions.

Hank had finally resorted to a pellet gun, as they were legal within city limits, and were quiet enough that they didn't wake most of the neighbors.

Herb bemoaned the scarcity of quarry in the new urban environment, when suddenly he had a bolt of insight.

"Hey Hank,"

"Yeah Herb?"

"What if you watered the lawn more, so there'd be more snails?"

The ammo was a bit overpowered for the purpose, but there was none smaller or cheaper. The quarry was slow enough that leading the shots was easy enough. Though it required some effort to get far enough away that missing was a real risk.

There wasn't much meat left on the beasts after they'd been downed, but that was just fine. Hank suggested they put in a small trout farm, so they could use the offal for bait, and all was well again.*

*This post is intended for entertainment only. Anyone interested in actually developing this as a sport does so at their own risk.

ye_river_xiv, Aug 05 2011

The ammo. http://en.wikipedia...ki/Pellet_(air_gun)
Lead pellets, lest there be any confusion. [ye_river_xiv, Aug 05 2011]

Big game http://commons.wiki...t_snail_Africa.jpeg
As usual, the really big game comes from africa... [ye_river_xiv, Aug 10 2011]


       Can't get over the visual of shooting snails with slugs for some reason.
<hocks a loogie at the spitoon>

       I'm not sure that pellet ammo is overpowered for snail hunting. While it might break the shell, the snail inside is pretty resiliant and may well survive to slither another day.   

       Perhaps trapping would be a better approach. I am visualising a small baited cage with a door that closes really slowly when the snail takes the bait.   

       Another variation for the English gentry might involve a flock of starlings persuing a single snail, followed by sherry soaked morons in helicopters.
Twizz, Aug 05 2011

       // starlings //   

       Thrushes. It's song thrushes that are renowned for catching and smashing snails.   

       The best idea would be to clip the thrushes' wings to stop them flying; then the helicopters would be superfluous.   

       You just need to tweak it a bit, [Twizz]. It should read:   

       "a flock of thrushes, pursuing a single terrified snail, followed by a baying mob of red-coated gin-soaked chinless morons on mobility scooters"   

       That should do.
8th of 7, Aug 05 2011

       //koi pond// doesn't sound very red-neckety. "Pond" is ok, but... "koi"? You mean some kind of a dijon-sushi-carp?
lurch, Aug 05 2011

       [Lurch] Upon your suggestion, I have changed 'Koi pond" to "trout farm." Though perhaps it should red "crawdad crick."   

       [twizz] I'll have to conduct further research to determine the efffectiveness of the ammo. It was my original assumption that a round the size of a BB which flattens out to the size of a dime would likely cause a snail to explode.   

       As far as traps go, the redneck solution for that is as close as the can of natural lite in Herb's hand.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 05 2011

       //Nowadays you couldn't even risk offing a pigeon or possum with the old .22 short without fear of legal repercussions.//   

       You aren't from the south then?
DIYMatt, Aug 05 2011

       I ain't in the south, that's for sure.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 07 2011

       // You aren't from the south then? //   

       He ain't from the North, neither. There are plenty of places left in this great nation of ours where one can shoot anything at anything (but not at anyone). If I take up snail hunting, I plan to press the sport to its extreme, picking off those little slime-trailers at 1000 yards with the .50 cal Barrett I will never actually buy (but, hey, a redneck can still dream, can't he?).   

       This is highly unlikely, however, given that I am already spending so much time and ammo hunting mooseflies with my 1911.   

       Also, with the exception of mooseflies, I never hunt anything that I don't plan to eat.
Alterother, Aug 10 2011

Oh luxury. We've got Sasquitos here what just get angry at birdshot...

       [bigsleep] - get your coat? I'll show you some bushes you can sleep in, then you can come back in the wee hours when the peasant's torches have burned out and they have taken their pitchforks home.   

       But don't try that too often, okay?
normzone, Aug 11 2011

       [-] Hunting snails with a gun is for cowards. You should be doing it Rambo style. Stripped naked to the waist and armed only with a hunting knife.
DrBob, Aug 11 2011

       That'll probably be one of the first r/c nanobot models; for fighting ants and cockroaches realtime.
FlyingToaster, Aug 11 2011

       // You just need hotter loads, 2 Fries //   

       Definitely. Try adding a bit of Ammonium Perchlorate to the load. But use caution; best to try it in someone else's gun rather than your own. And clean very thoroughly immediately afterwards, the residues tend to be rather corrosive.   

       Oh, and try not to drop the live rounds on hard surfaces. Try really hard.
8th of 7, Aug 11 2011

       Does anybody have a good recipe for fulminate of mercury? The mooseflies have started armoring themselves and I'm running short of d-u.
Alterother, Aug 11 2011

       Take a bowl of mercury. Stand outside in a storm until lightning strikes.
DrBob, Aug 12 2011

       To improve the chances of success from that method, stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting "All Gods are bastards !"   

       // a good recipe for fulminate of mercury? //   


       Next question.
8th of 7, Aug 12 2011

       //There are plenty of places left in this great nation of ours where one can shoot anything at anything (but not at anyone).//   

       Herb and Hank, one may note, are located in an area of encroaching urbanization. Once a home is owned, moving becomes an expensive, and undesirable prospect, while neighborhoods generally continue to crop up more densely around you if you had the misfortune of purchasing a home in a suburban area, or along certain thoroughfares.   

       In other news, I propose to open this sport to the use of blowguns. I suspect that a suitable poison tipped dart could be obtained by soaking a shishkabob skewer in a combination of salt and beer.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 24 2011

       Sorry, I know this is old, but I just had to ;)   

       Hey [8th] <waves> I find targeting your deity insults more tightly works better, try shouting 'Thor spends all his time playing with his tool' instead.
Skewed, Aug 14 2014


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