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Goldfish mentality

How to feel light headed
  [vote for,

Wonderful, its Sping (sic) again and I can look forward to cheering up, I find myself at a pretty low ebb by the end of February and its a very slow crawl back to the light around the end of April. I would say that this is because its cold, dark, and miserable in the construction trade at this time of year but am advised by the brains of the outfit thats its SAD and I should sit around and shine bright lights into my face. The well etablished principle of this being that the result of this will be stimulation of my pineal gland to produce happy chemicals for the benefit of my brain. (See the link for more information).

Unfortunately I don't really have the inclination or time to do this, If I followed instructions and made the time to do everything I am told to, exercise, eat properly, rest after meals, do stubborn yoga (designed especially for me she says), shine lights into my face etc, I wouldn't be able to do anything else, like digging and stuff.

My first work around for this was to consider a baseball cap with halogen lamps attached to the brim and a belt mounted battery, but rejected this on the grounds that it would be more unpleasant than being depressed. I was interested to discover therefore that the pineal gland of the gold fish responds directly to light filtering through the skull. Suddenly everything fell into place, so thats how they can stand swimming round and round and round, and why they have a legendarily short attention span, their pineal must be absolutely pumping.

It's very clear to me that what I need is a goldfish pineal gland transplant. This procedure would inserting the gland at the top of the brain after cutting a hole in the skull and replacing a circular section of bone with a perspex window. During the winter wearing a hard hat fitted internally with full spectrum lamps should provide all the happy chemicals a man could desire without unpleasant glare. If you had any hair you would probably need to keep it short for the maximum effect but that seems a small price to pay.

This idea heavily relies on prior vuebrain idea and dr Bobs annotation re: early may. Blame them.

IvanIdea, May 04 2002

Seasonal depression and light http://www.nimr.mrc...Essays/1997/sad.htm
[IvanIdea, May 04 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

there is probably a much better link.. http://www.noah.org...le_in_the_head.html
than this one, but it was the first I happenchanced upon [po, May 04 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

blimey, they take this seriously http://www.trepan.com/home.html
If you don't see me Monday, this may be the reason [po, May 04 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Vue brain http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Vue-Brain
[IvanIdea, May 04 2002]


       what you need, my dear Ivan, is called trepanation, see link. :)
po, May 04 2002

       [po] I need a hole in my head like I need a hole in my head.
Terribly sorry, couldn't resist it.
IvanIdea, May 04 2002

       I remember reading somewhere about the back of the knees being sensitive to the sort of light needed to offset the SAD. So what you might need, my dear Idea, might be lights strapped to your knees. Or a goldfish implant and breeches cut open at the back of the knees. Might interfere with walking, but a small price to pay, being happy and carefree despite the everlasting gloom and all that stuff.   

       The above might not make much sense. It is raining here again, and darker than maybe hell which I do not get to verify until I actually get there, if ever.
neelandan, May 04 2002

       You could, instead of a window, install a small hatch into which you drop small schools of guppies.
jester, May 04 2002

       [po] that site you found is scaring me big time. I particularly liked the trepan on-line quiz (I think I failed, but am waiting results), coloring book, and the nice people in the personalities section, including the lady performing her own trepan with a power drill. Holey Moley.
spartanica, May 04 2002

       hope she is using perscription goggles. Health and Safety rules , you know, very important.
po, May 04 2002

       I feel there'd be optical, as well as cosmetic, reasons for occational cleaning of the lens over a trepanation … the inevitable buildup of adipocere and more transient exudates may cause a gradual opacity of the optical lens' surface. This obstacle might be overcome with fiber-optic conduits and smaller transcalveral implants. An arraingement of conduits similar to a pattern for EEG electrode placement could uniformly bathe the brain's soft tissues in ambient light of a variety of wavelengths and intensities.
reensure, May 06 2002

       Check your selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitions at the door.
waugsqueke, May 06 2002

       better today Ivan?
po, May 07 2002

       Much better thanks [Po], although somewhat surprised not to have been offered the Nobel prize for medicine yet.
I took half a bucket of Serotone pills and realised things were not so bad. I've been taking serotonin for years so Waugs comment interested me. How come I was born so beautiful but with so many biochemical pathways missing?
IvanIdea, May 07 2002

       As usual I thought this was something entirely different, referring to the goldfish's legendary three-second attention span. A friend at a rave recently described herself as "completely goldfished" for that reason.
BunsenHoneydew, Dec 12 2002


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