Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Comedic Waiting Rooms

"Sit over there and I'll deal with you later..."
  [vote for,

Picture the scene:

You have a niggling cold, and decide to go down to the doctor's surgery to see if he can give you anything but the usual "rest and relaxation" advice. You are slumped in your hard, plastic-bucket seat when in walks a man covered in curtains. Literally covered in them, to the point where all you can see is a big writhing mass of curtains waddling to the reception desk. By now the entire waiting room is watching.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?" Smiles the pretty young receptionist.

A voice emanates from deep within the curtains, slightly muffled but still clearly audible.

"I feel like a pair of curtains"

"Well pull yourself together, man!"

The waiting room dissolves into laughter as the man waddles out of the surgery, and suddenly you don't feel so bad after all - maybe you'll just go home and rest it off.

Basically the NHS pays men to act out such scenes every few hours (with the pretty young receptionist in on the act) to rid waiting rooms of those with nothing actually wrong with them, and cheer the seriously-ill up a bit as well. The jokes wouldn't necessarily have to be doctor-doctor jokes either - although I think they'd work best - and very rich private surgeries could simply have a stand-up comedian permanently employed.

Mr Phase, Jan 13 2006

share your cold - its good for you http://english.prav.../360/14708_sex.html
who wants to hear my lettuce joke again? [po, Jan 13 2006]

Everything you need http://www.amazon.c...026-7858964-5765200
They're all here. [wagster, Jan 13 2006]


       Is this the right room for an argument?
coprocephalous, Jan 13 2006

       I haven't heard that one before, just trying to visualise how you'd act it out...
Mr Phase, Jan 14 2006

       Doctor: "Cough please."   

       Doctor: "..and again"   

       Doctor: "How long have you had that cough?"
ConsulFlaminicus, Jan 15 2006

       Man exits Doctor's room: "He says I only have 3 months to live!"
Waiting room: "HA, HA, that's a good 'un!"
Man: "Bastards!"
Ling, Jan 16 2006

       Patient: Doctor you've got to help me!
Doctor: what seems to be the problem?
Patient: I think I'm a moth!
Doctor: You need a Psychiatrist, this is a Dental clinic. Why did you come in here?
Patient: Your light was on.
ato_de, Jan 16 2006

       A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.” The receptionist asks, “Have you seen the eye doctor?” The man replies, ‘No, just spots.”
reensure, Jan 16 2006

       Though a list I sense,
a laugh emits,
I try to quits
but how do you fix
a site full of twits?

       (Oh and a knee slapping + for curing my Monday dulldrums.)
blissmiss, Jan 16 2006

       Believe me, my intenion was not for this to turn into a long list of doctor-doctor jokes, although some of these are actually pretty good (especially [rcarty]'s "jerk test" one, that had me in stitches)
Mr Phase, Jan 16 2006

       "Doctor Doctor, I have a load of strawberries stuck up my backside"

"Ah, I think we can find some cream for that"
hippo, Jan 16 2006

       so, snub the lettuce joke!
po, Jan 16 2006

       oh, o.k. it made me laugh :)
po, Jan 16 2006

       "Oh Miss, I know I've been waiting too long. I've seen that curtains guy come in 3 times now!"
sophocles, Jan 17 2006

       Within all the humour there is more than a grain of truth in all this! As a nurse (with more than a little warped sense of humour I must admit), I've known people feel infinitely better after a bit of a giggle!
Carlos the Jackal, Jan 17 2006

       A man takes his wife to the doctor. He says "Doc, you gotta help me. I've taken her to several doctors and none can tell me what the problem is. The doctor has the lady take off all of her clothes and walk back and forth across the room a couple of times. He tells the man that his wife has "exacree disease". The man asks "What's that?" The doc says "Her face looks exacree like her arse".
DVineMissEva, Jan 17 2006

       A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. Some guy says "Hey, there's something on the front of your pants!", and the pirate says "Arr, I know, it's driving me nuts!"
DesertFox, Jan 19 2006

       A man goes to the doctor. He's got a carrot in one ear, a stick of celery in the other and a piece of cucumber up his nose.
"So," says the doctor, "how can I help you?"
And the man says, "Doctor, I don't feel too good."

       And the doctor looks at him and says...... "Well, it looks like you're not eating properly!"
reensure, Jan 19 2006

       Mother: Hows my son doing?   

       Doctor: You mean the boy who swallowed ten quarters?   

       Mother: Yes that's him.   

       Doctor: No change yet, I'm afraid.   

       (just had to add it as it would be so easy to act out)
Mr Phase, Mar 07 2006

       Patient: Doctor, there's a frog on my head.
Doctor: How did this happen?
Frog: Well, it started out as a pimple on my arse.
spidermother, Mar 08 2006

       Every now and then (when the doctor is in the waiting room) a radio plays: "Doctor, I think I'm invisible" and the doctor says "Sorry, I can't see you now."
phundug, Mar 08 2006


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