Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Like gliding backwards through porridge.

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What could be simpler ?
  [vote for,

Your species uses a somewhat contrived metric known as "Body Mass Index" to map an individual's height to an "ideal" range of body mass.

Those who fall outside the range are exhorted to take measures - exercise and/or food intake restriction - to reduce their mass and get back "on the curve".

However, this ignores a simple alternative. If your mass is too high, then to compensate all you need to do is increase your height in proportion.

So BorgCo are now offering - for very reasonable fees - the vertically disadvantaged who are afflicted by low self-esteem and poor body image a chance to take affirmative action without the need to diet. Just sign up to Height Watchers, and go along to the weekly sessions, where you'll receive enthusiastic help and encouragement, plus special exercise plans, to help you become taller.

No calorie-counting or weighing portions, no abstention from all those delicious fatty, sugary comestibles. Just stick with the programme - sleeping upside down suspended by your ankles, hanging by your fingers from door frames, regular sessions in the centrifuge. Every millimeter you stretch is a kilo you don't have to lose to attain your target ...

8th of 7, Nov 08 2018

Dutchman, 69, brings lawsuit to lower his age 20 years https://www.bbc.com...rld-europe-46133262
[not_morrison_rm, Nov 09 2018]

Tidal force bathroom scale Tidal_20force_20bathroom_20scale
Page 23 of the HeightWatchers brochure... [8th of 7, Nov 09 2018]

Did I get the part?... https://www.youtube...watch?v=KyCYvGcjQ40
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Nov 09 2018]

International Prototype Kilogram ... losing weight" Item 3 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-46135832
[not_morrison_rm, Nov 12 2018]


       I approve of this idea, but in addition would like mail order rulers that arrive each month and are a sixteenth of an inch shorter each time, but spread over the entire length. These would add to the elongation affect. {+}
xenzag, Nov 08 2018

       So, [8th], how many metres do you need to gain?   

       On reflection, though, this idea makes sense. Astronauts gain height when on the ISS because the compression on their spine is less. They're also weightless. Coincidence? I think not.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 09 2018

       S'true. Free-fall is good for you ...   

       // how many metres do you need to gain? //   

       Hah ! As you well know, we have the body of a ninteen-year-old Olympic athlete.
8th of 7, Nov 09 2018

       Just be sure to return it in time for the funeral.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 09 2018

       //body of a ninteen-year-old   

       Refers to Dutch bloke nagging their government to change his....date of birth.   

       He wants to knock 20 years off his age. Link.
not_morrison_rm, Nov 09 2018

       Because "WeightWatchers" isn't named "MassWatchers", the other approach to lowering your BMI is to locally change the strength of the gravitational force.
hippo, Nov 09 2018

       Well, the Mass-Observation organisation started in 1937 so about 30+ years of data.   

       They might be the people to talk to about this weighty matter? Ahah hah hah hah...ahem.
not_morrison_rm, Nov 09 2018


       Tumbleweed time again.   

       // locally change the strength of the gravitational force //   

       Or wait for it to happen naturally ?   

8th of 7, Nov 09 2018

       I'm game, BorgCo. I'll send you the results and my statistical data via homing pigeon.
blissmiss, Nov 10 2018

       It would be a form of revenge, known as "Getting your own back".
8th of 7, Nov 10 2018

       Bad news, we are all gaining weight.   

       According to the Beeb, "...International Prototype Kilogram has been losing weight". Link
not_morrison_rm, Nov 12 2018

       Yes, well, it's all the fault of the french. They invented it, after all.   

       The answer would have been to use a near-monoisotopic element (or one that's easy to purify to remove any unstable isotopes) that's a stable and non-reactive solid at STP.   

       Silicon is a good candidate.
8th of 7, Nov 12 2018

       I can't think of a single flaw.
21 Quest, Nov 14 2018

       + want
xandram, Nov 14 2018


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